Delirious
by Mindlessspn
Summary: Dean Winchester is America's most wanted man. Dr. Castiel Novak is the states top psychologist. When Dean gets put into the mental institution for the criminally insane and meets Cas, the results are deadly. Who will survive this forbidden love?
1. Chapter 1

**Delirious**

"He is extremely dangerous," is one of the many things my colleagues would tell me over and over. "You can't get too close to him unless you want to be six feet under," was one of the other things my concerned boss would whisper in my ear from time to time.

Of course, I didn't care about these things. Yes, he was America's most wanted man. Yes, he was certifiably insane. And yes, he was great at manipulation. But nothing on this planet could keep me from him. He is the hurricane otherwise known as Dean Winchester. I can still recall the first time I looked into his blistering green eyes.

So, how did I end up here? On top of the city's tallest building as the fierce night wind whipped at my coat. A helicopter sounded from above us. It edged closer and I could see a ladder hanging from it and swaying along with the wind.

Dean smiled at me assuringly but there was something else mixed in there. But what? Greed? Power? He reached out his hand for me to take. "Do you trust me?" he asked through his smile as a cold chill ran down my spine. I couldn't help but feel as if this man was leading me to my death. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

It all started six months ago at the Kansas City mental institution. I was the lead mental health psychologist in the state. I had been working at the institution for only two years since my internship there ended. The nurses were nice, the pay was okay and I didn't have anyone breathing down my neck 24/7.

The day Dean Winchester was to be brought in is a day I'll never forget. I had been sitting at my desk in my small office as I flipped through some patient files while the television in the corner of the room played the local news.

I sighed to myself and shook my head as I read what Benny had said to one of the female nurses. That guy was going to end up finding himself in the white room if he didn't stop getting marks on his record every week.

I was about to get up and head to the cafeteria when what was playing on the television caught my eye. It displayed an aerial view of the institution with the words 'breaking news' flashing at the bottom of the screen. I grabbed my remote and turned up the volume on the T.V.

"Infamous serial killer and mobster, Dean Winchester, was caught earlier this week at a gas station in Lawrence, Kansas. The state court has ordered him to stay at the Kansas City mental institution for the criminally insane until he can be tried for multiple counts of manslaughter along with drug charges. We are bringing you live footage of America's most wanted man making his first steps towards his new life," a woman's voice sounded over the footage.

The camera zoomed into a man with dark hair walking in between two police officers. They had given him a strait jacket to wear, most likely so he wouldn't attempt to hurt anyone else. The cops each had a grip on his arm as they pulled him into the building.

"I know I speak for everyone when I say it is an incredible feeling to have this monster off of our streets. America can sleep a little bit better knowing that justice has been served," the woman droned on.

I muted the T.V but continued to stare intently at the screen. It was now showing a close up of the killer's face. He didn't have the look of an insane mastermind but I knew better than anyone that looks can be deceiving.

The imprisoned man's plump lips curled into a devious smile as his eyes flickered to stare directly into the camera. My breath caught in my throat when I realized how truly beautiful he was. I reached my hand out subconsciously and placed it on the fuzzy screen.

I could make out the plethora of freckles that cascaded his cheeks and nose. His eyes showed no emotion behind them. It was as if he was dead to the world but his body was going through the motions. I leaned in closer and closer as I admired him.

I didn't realize how close I was until a knock at my door made me jump five feet back. I ran my hand through my hair while attempting to catch my breath again. I cleared my throat as I shoved my hands into my slack pockets. "Come in," I called out in a surprisingly even tone.

My boss, the director of the institution, Raphael, stuck his head through the door before opening it all the way then coming in. He smiled as he acknowledged me. "Dr. Novak, I can see you're all caught up in these recent events," he commented as his hand waved towards my muted television.

I followed his gaze and felt my cheeks start to tint pink with embarrassment. "Um, yes sir," I replied before grabbing the remote and turning the T.V. off.

"Wonderful. You'll be pleased to know that I've decided to appoint you as Mr. Winchester's doctor during his stay here," Raphael continued to smile. It was like he was robotic and unemotional in all his movements. Sometimes it creeped me out but I try not to dwell on it.

It was only then that I noticed the neat manila folder in Raphael's hands. I reached out and took it from him then smiled back. "Thank you. I will go over his files promptly," I assured him.

Raphael's lips formed into a tight line. His eyes softened up slightly as he nodded curtly. "Be careful, Castiel," he said almost as a warning before leaving me alone with the man's information.

I leaned against my desk as I stared down at the menacing folder. Be careful? What did he even mean by that? Sure, I've never dealt with someone with this thick of a folder but it was nothing I couldn't handle. This was my profession and my livelihood. All I had to do was stay professional. No matter how damn good looking he was.

I bit my lip as conflicting thoughts ran rampant through my mind. Maybe I could try a different approach with this one. I could neglect his file and try to get him to open up on his own. Maybe get a feel on the situation without going in knowing the truth.

I nodded to myself as I made my mind up then tossed the file unopened onto my cluttered desk. I could feel something deep in my gut screaming at me to run away. Get the hell out of Kansas. But my feet were telling me something else.

I walked slowly over to the door before stepping out into the hallway. The prisoners that shared the hall with my office all stepped forward in their cells to try to manage a peak at the new guy. I turned my head just as the police officers hauled the man around the corner.

He held his head down low but kept up with the officer's pace. I took a step back and rested my back on the wall as they made their way closer and closer to me. He must have felt my gaze since his head tilted up at just the right moment.

I was taken back by his beauty. The fuzzy T.V in my office did him no justice on how he truly looked. His skin was sun kissed and glowing despite the dull white strait jacket he was still in. His eyes shine from even five feet away but this time they had some kind of emotion in them. Curiosity? I couldn't tell.

The man tore his gaze away from me but a small smile played on his lips. I swallowed down the rather uncomfortable lump that had formed in my throat. I shoved my hands deep into my doctor's coat and willed myself to calm down.

The officers stopped at the end of the hall before opening the vacant room then tossing him into it. I turned my head away from the sight once I heard the doors lock clicking firmly into place. Escape would be impossible.

"Well, someone's in trouble," a voice purred from across me.

I rolled my eyes in annoyance when I recognized the bitter accent. "What are you going on about now, Crowley?" I asked one of the inmates that enjoyed giving me a hard time.

Crowley smiled as he gripped the metal bars in front of his face. "What? I'm observant," he replied, giving away no further hints that he knew my thoughts.

"Go be observant somewhere else," I said sarcastically as I turned my back to head back into my office.

"You really don't know who Dean Winchester is, do you?" Crowley continued in his know it all tone.

I paused and stiffened my shoulders up. "Is there something I should know?" I questioned him, still not turning around.

"You better start getting your will in order. You'll be dead by the end of the month," he answered simply.

I furrowed my brow and turned around to say something but Crowley had retreated back into the dark shadows of his cell. I shook off his comment then stepped back into my office. What did he mean by that? Dean Winchester couldn't be as bad as they were making him out to be. There's good in everybody and he just needs my help to find it.

XXX

It had been two days since I saw Dean get tossed into a cell. Raphael decided to give him some time to settle in before throwing him into a therapy session. So far, he hasn't said a word to anybody. But maybe that could be taken as a good sign. He hasn't hurt anyone. Yet.

I tapped my fingers nervously on my desk as I waited for the armed guards to escort me to my private meeting with Dean. I didn't have a plan for him but my hopes were to get to know him first. Seemed easy enough.

A knock at my door pulled me out of my nervous thoughts. I stood up then opened the door. Gabriel and Michael nodded at me as I stepped out into the hall. "Good afternoon," I greeted them professionally.

"Afternoon, Dr. Novak. You'll be on the second floor today. And we'll be right outside if you need us," Michael smiled. His hands wrapped around the large assault rifle he carried as he talked.

I stared at the menacing gun as I nodded back. "That's fine," I replied before heading down the hall towards the elevator.

"You don't have his file," Gabriel pointed out while all three of us stepped inside the cramped elevator.

"New method," I replied curtly before pursing my lips into a tight line.

It was silent for the rest of the ride up and the walk to the large grey door. "Is he waiting?" I asked Michael who nodded.

I thanked them then pushed open the heavy door. The room was damp and dark. It had a small metal table that was bolted down to the floor and chairs on either side. One of the chairs was occupied by the mysterious man who looked rather bored to be here.

Both of his wrists were handcuffed tightly to the legs of the table. His eyes followed me across the room and suddenly I felt like the vulnerable one. "Good afternoon, Mr. Winchester," I greeted as I scraped the chair across the concrete floor then sat down.

His eyes never left mine. "Dean," he simply said.

"Dean?" I questioned him with a tilt of my head. "Why not Mr. Winchester?"

"I'm not my father," he replied.

I nodded to myself. "Interesting," I said. We had only just met but already we were making progress since the reports claimed that he hadn't spoken in two days.

Deans eye twitched as if he was angry but his words didn't show it. "So, are you the guy who's going to cure me?" Dean asked, his voice laced with sarcasm.

I smiled politely. "I'm certainly going to try," I replied without hesitation. The air between us was thick. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced before. I loosened the tie around my neck nervously.

Deans eyes followed my movements. He looked as if he knew all my darkest secrets. He also looked dangerous like a storm in the distance. He seemed to be assessing me and going over something in his head. Then, he smiled and showed his perfect white teeth for the first time before something sinister took over his facial expression.

"This is going to be fun."


	2. Chapter 2

**Black and blue**

"Excuse me?" I asked him with a raise of my brow. I crossed my arms and did my best to intimidate him. Of course, my tactics wouldn't work. After all, what's a king to a God?

Dean chuckled darkly. "Just voicing my thoughts, doc. Are you going to write them down?" he asked curiously.

I frowned and shook my head. "That's a little impersonal. Don't you think?" I quipped back.

Deans lips twitched into a smile that would be missed if I had so much as blinked. "My whole life is impersonal. I mean, look at where I am."

I rubbed my chin thoughtfully as I debated over my next moves. "And why are you here, Dean?" I asked after a minute of silence.

"Why are you?" he answered immediately with eyes that lit up like a kid on Christmas morning. I didn't know what he was doing by engaging with me this way but I could tell that he thoroughly enjoyed it.

I smiled softly as my eyes shot down to the cold table. I looked back up after a few minutes then shrugged slightly. "To keep guys like you off the streets," I replied.

Dean smiled as a thought crossed his mind. "You've got secrets, doctor," he declared. There was something mystifying about him that caused me to loosen up and let my guard down.

"We've all got secrets, Mr. Winchester," I retorted.

Deans eyes flashed with anger behind them. He attempted to move his hand quickly but was stopped by the handcuffs. The loud clinging of metal on metal filled the room. "I told you I'm not my father!" he yelled with rage.

I found myself flinching at the intensity in his tone. I opened my mouth to say something but was cut off by the door swinging open as Gabriel and Michael rushed in with their guns pointed directly at Dean.

Deans eyes never strayed away from my face. His lips were turned downward as his nostrils flared. He looked in that moment as if he wanted to kill me. Or maybe his father. I couldn't decide yet.

"Dr. Novak, come with me now. Evacuate the room immediately," Michaels voice instructed me firmly.

I did as I was told and was led out into the hall with Michael who was standing a little too close for comfort. I stayed in place against the wall as Dean was led out by Gabriel a few minutes later. He had a set of handcuffs connecting to each hand in front of his body.

He stopped in his tracks in front of me. "I'll tell you my secrets if you tell me yours," he said casually as if he hadn't shown a glimpse of his darker side a few moments before.

Gabriel yanked him by his arm to keep walking. Dean threw his head back in laughter that unsettled me to my core. That definitely did not go as planned. I'll have to resort to doing a textbook session next time.

Michael rubbed my shoulder soothingly. "Are you alright, Castiel?" he asked concerned.

I shrugged him off and started to walk towards the elevator. "He's nothing I can't handle," I assured him confidently.

Michael stepped into the elevator with me and smiled down at me. "It's just that sometimes I worry about you. You're the only one willing to deal with these people. To get in their minds. I can't imagine how you must feel all the time," he said as he took a step too close to me.

I practically jumped out of the small space as soon as the doors opened on my floor. "I can take care of myself," I said bitterly in response before walking down the hall back to my office.

I was starting to get frustrated with everyone at that point. I wasn't some little boy in an oversized doctors coat. I was a twenty-eight-year-old man and people needed to start treating me as such.

I sighed and resisted the urge to slam my office door. My hands hovered over Deans file. Did I really want to uncover the mystery right away? I always found it to be more exciting when digging was involved. I enjoy a challenge.

XXX

I laid on my pull-out cot in my office. The clock ticking loud above my desk showed me that it was a little after two a.m. I hadn't had the time to go home and rest since another case had kept me busy for most of the night. And of course, I was having trouble sleeping.

I sat up and ran a tired hand through my hair. I could hear what sounded like faint talking coming from the hallway. Standing up, I creeped over to my door and laid my ear against it. It sounded muffled now but I still wasn't able to make out any words.

I opened my door then walked into the hall. The cool feeling struck my exposed chest and made me feel vulnerable. It had slipped my mind that I was only wearing a pair of jeans and nothing else.

I looked around and took note of all the inmates sleeping away in their own uncomfortable cots. The voice I could hear in my office was coming from the end of the hall. I considered putting on a shirt until the anonymous voice sounded like it had become agitated.

I crossed my arms across my chest and walked closer to the sound. The sound of my bare feet hitting the cold concrete echoed through the dark hall. The voice quieted down as I neared.

"Hello?" I called out in the darkness. I stopped directly in front of Deans cell and peered in.

The moonlight pouring in through the tiny window on the wall lit up a section of his cell. His bed looked like it had been slept in but he was no longer in it. I looked around frantically but wasn't able to see certain parts of the cell.

Deans face suddenly stepped into part of the light. He was frowning but appeared to be wide awake. "Doctor," he acknowledged me before his eyes flickered down to what I assume get a look at me.

His eyes drifted back up me slowly. I suddenly felt like I was standing in front of a thirty-story building. I felt so small and weak in his presence. "Um, it's Castiel actually. Castiel Novak. Or Dr. Novak. Whichever you prefer," my words stumbled out of my mouth before my brain could keep up.

Dean nodded and smiled darkly. He squinted his eyes and deciphered me. "Did I do something wrong, doctor?" he asked innocently as he walked slowly towards the bars separating the two of us.

I swallowed nervously. "I heard talking," I spat out finally. I just needed to do what I came out here to do. I couldn't let him win.

Dean rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "And who do you think I could be talking to? The devil?" he asked me rhetorically.

I froze as my eyes widened. He looked genuinely serious while gauging my reaction. His face broke out into a large smile while he laughed in amusement. I must've looked like a deer in headlights since he stopped mid laugh. "I'm joking, of course. The devil doesn't exist," he said matter of factly.

I took a step back while thinking of an excuse to leave. "Not a religious man?" I asked nervously.

Dean pursed his lips as if in thought. "Well, the devils not a big red man with a pitchfork. He's just a regular guy. He could be you."

I rubbed my hands along my arms as chills shot through me right at that moment. "I should really get going. I'll see you at our next session," I said as I backed farther and farther away from him.

Dean grabbed the bars in front of him quickly. "You didn't let me finish my thought," he chastised me.

My back hit the cold wall when I had run out of space to back into. "What's that?" I questioned even when my feet were wanting to run far away.

Dean smiled wickedly as a manic thought crossed his mind. "He could be me."

Panic ran through me as I stared at him in horror. I turned my back quickly and nearly ran back to my office where I made sure to lock it tightly. I've never felt such a fear of being in someone's presence before and I had dealt with every type of criminal one can imagine.

There was something about this one that I could quite place yet. I picked up the thick, manila folder off my desk as I bit my lip. All the answers I needed awaited in the palm of my hands. No. I wanted a challenge and like it or not, Dean was here to play. Well, two can play that game.

XXX

"Dr. Novak, are you ready for monitor duty?" Michael asked loudly as he tapped on my door.

I rolled my eyes to myself. Why was it always Michael that came to escort me? His insistence was beginning to work my nerves. I opened the door and smiled politely. "Afternoon, Michael," I greeted him as I hid my true emotions behind my smile.

Michaels eyes crinkled up as he smiled widely. "How's your day going? Anyone giving you any problems?" he questioned me as we walked through the empty hall to the cafeteria.

I shook my head. "No, Michael, and like I said before, you have no idea how much I can take" I replied, the annoyance evident in my tone.

"I bet you can take a lot," he commented suggestively. He had been completely oblivious to how I really felt about him.

I cringed slightly but breathed a sigh of relief when we reached the cafeteria. Michael held the door open for me just like he did every time. I shuffled past him and made my way to my post.

Leaning against the wall, I observed all the inmates in their most social spot. My eyes drifted over to a certain green-eyed mystery. He was sitting at a table alone, his food remained untouched. He looked up and his eyes locked on mine. His stare was so intense and if looks could kill then we'd all be dead.

I had lost myself somewhere in those captivating eyes. A hand landed on my shoulder, causing me to nearly jump out of my skin. I turned my head quickly to see it was only Michael. Again.

"I just wanted to check on you again," he said as if his actions weren't edging on borderline creepy.

I smiled tightly at him. "I'm just fine since the last time I saw you which was five minutes ago," I replied sarcastically. I've never seen someone so dense on taking a hint. But this was my place of employment and I had to keep things professional.

Michael laughed as if it was the funniest thing he had heard all day. "I know. I just feel this need to protect you."

I pinched the bridge of my nose as I collected my thoughts. I wanted to break down and scream at him that I didn't need a savior. He had no idea what I had been through and I wanted nothing more than to just show him once and for all.

Instead, I smiled through my mask. "That's very considerate of you, Michael," I said falsely.

I tuned Michael out as I turned my head back over to Dean. He was still watching my every movement. Except, now he held a plastic spork in his hand. He was gripping it so tightly that the color in his hand had drained. Dean looked as if he was about to commit murder.

The look sent a chill down my spine that felt like I had been hit with lightning. I tore my eyes away then looked back into Michaels which dulled in comparison. "So, what do you say?" he asked me expectantly.

I furrowed my brow and tilted my head in confusion. "I'm sorry, what?" I asked back for clarification.

Michael laughed nervously. "Dinner. Tomorrow night. With me," he said while staring at me.

I opened my mouth, still not sure how to reply. I couldn't go out with a colleague even if I wanted to. I had to turn him down. But I was cut off by the sudden screams of a few of the inmates.

Michaels face dropped as he went into professional guard mode. He pushed me back with his arm to get me out of the way. A riot was forming.

I stared at the crowd that was now going wild. Gabriel pulled out an injured man with a plastic spork sticking out of his eye. I felt my knees go weak when I knew exactly who the assailant was.

Gun fire erupted when something I couldn't see happened. All the guards now had their weapons in the defense position and were steadily closing in on someone. I dropped to the ground and placed my hands over my head.

A strong arm pulled me up onto my feet after a few minutes then dragged me out of the cafeteria. I kept my eyes squeezed shut until I was then pulled into a broom closet near the cafeteria.

I opened my eyes to see bright green ones staring back into mine. I tried to let out a scream that was instead muffled by his hand closing in tightly on my mouth. I look horrified at him, unsure of what he was going to do to me.

"I will only let you go if you promise not to scream."


	3. Chapter 3

**Fear**

I nodded against his hand. Tears were filling my eyes as I imagined my death. Would he stab me and leave me to bleed out for hours? Or would he make it quick and painless?

Dean slowly removed his hand before placing both his hands on each side of my face. He held my head firmly and forced me to look deeply into his eyes.

"Don't cry," he whispered softly. It was such a tender moment for him compared to the other parts I've witnessed. "I'm not going to hurt you," he continued as a stray tear slipped out of my eye.

Dean wiped it away with his thumb and smiled gently. It was a smile that actually reached his eyes. Maybe there was something more to him than I had initially believed. I let out a shaky sigh and tried to gather myself.

"What do you want?" I finally gained the nerve to ask.

Alarms sounded outside the door as the building was no doubt put into lockdown. Dean paid them no mind and continued to stare at me wistfully. "The real question is, what don't I want?" he answered my question with another one.

I tried to pull out of his grasp but was only brought back even closer to him. Our face were mere inches away. I could feel his hot breath hit my neck. "Please, Dean. No more riddles or games. Just tell me what you want and I will do anything in my power to get it for you," I pleaded with him.

Dean chuckled as he got the answer he was looking for. "Well, angel. I want a number of things. I want to get the hell out of here but it looks like that won't be possible," he paused as a thought crossed his mind. "Yet."

"Well, wh- what do you want from me?" I asked through the chattering of my teeth. My nerves were shaking at 100 miles per hour. It felt like I could explode from all the tension.

Dean let go of me and took a small step back. "Castiel, is it?" he questioned me while his eyes burned into mine.

I nodded slowly to confirm that was my name. There I was again, feeling so small under the scrutiny of his dangerous gaze. Dean smiled while showing his teeth.

"Do your friends call you Cas?" he asked me. I wasn't sure what he was getting at but I shrugged anyways as I crossed my arms across my chest.

"Um, actually I don't- I don't have a lot of friends," I answered truthfully. I always had a hard time even holding a conversation that wasn't with a patient.

Deans eyes lit up in their own mischievous way. "I'd say you have one now," he said simply.

I smiled genuinely at him for the first time. Something I the air shifted at that moment. What once felt like nothing now felt like an elephant sitting on my chest. The air was heavy and I felt like I was drowning in his energy.

Dean grabbed me by the shoulders and made me stare into his eyes. But I wasn't even fighting it anymore. "When I'm ready to take what's mine, you'll know," he said gently as if he was instructing me.

I nodded along but furrowed my brow in confusion. "I don't understand. So, you don't need anything right now?" I asked for clarification.

Dean released his grip on me and shrugged slightly. "Need? No. Want? That's another story," he said as he eyed me in another way. There was something in the way he looked at me. His words were a promise. For what, I hadn't a clue yet.

The deafening sirens finally caught Deans attention as he looked around as if he was going to find something to get him out of this situation. He looked back at me and was instantly back to his plotting demeanor. "Get out of here. Just know that I'll call on you for what belongs to me," he said as he shoved me to the door.

I turned back to him before I left. "Why me?" I questioned him earnestly and curiously.

Deans face softened for a moment before a tiny smile reached his lips. "We're not so different you and I. People like us need to look out for each other. Do you understand me?" he asked. My mouth dropped slightly as I nodded in agreement.

Before I knew it, he was opening the door and pushing me out of it quickly. I stumbled into the hallway and went to reach for the closet door only to find it now locked. I was about to start pounding on it until a police officer showed up then grabbed my arm firmly.

"Dr. Novak, the building is on lock down. You need to come with me," he said as he started to pull me in the opposite direction, not giving me a chance to even protest him.

"What's going on?" I feigned innocence while struggling to keep up with his pace.

"It's all under control now. Nothing to worry about but Dr. Raphael needs to see you in his office for assistance as you were in the cafeteria the moment the riot erupted," he explained as we neared Raphael's office.

I nodded and entered Raphael's bleak office. Raphael sat at his desk while staring intently at his computers monitor. Two police officers stood behind him and watched whatever was on the screen as well.

I coughed awkwardly to let my presence known and shifted uncomfortably on my feet. Raphael looked up and raised an eyebrow before motioning me over to his desk. I walked behind and stood awkwardly next to him. "How can I help you, sir?" I asked him in a steady voice which surprised even me.

"I need your help identifying the cause of the riot in the cafeteria," he said as he pointed at the image the security camera had captured. The image was black and white and extremely blurry. Identifying correctly would be next to impossible.

"Of course," I assured him as I leaned over and watched the clip on his monitor.

I watched intently as Dean stood up then walked over to an inmate before punching him in the jaw and shoving the spork into his eye. All the inmates then began to fight each other for seemingly no reason at all. Maybe it was Deans actions that caused it. Or maybe it was the fear Dean seemed to put into everyone that he encountered.

The guards rushed the scene and pulled Benny away as they forcibly handcuffed his hands behind his back. Another guard swung and hit Benny in the head with a solid baton. The video cut off as Benny was led away and blood gushed horribly from his face.

I let out a slight gasp as my hand flew up to my face. Raphael turned to me expectantly. "Now, Dr. Novak, I know how hard this must be to witness again but we need answers. I don't have the knowledge to identify every single inmate that was in that brawl but I do know that was Benny Lafitte being carried away. I just need to know, was it him who started everything and stabbed another inmate in the eye? Or was it someone else?" he questioned me.

I frowned as I thought over my answer. I know I needed to tell the truth and let Dean deal with the repercussions but there was a part of me that was screaming at me not to. I felt compelled to protect him. I was just beginning to break his shell and cure him. I couldn't let this ruin it even if it means destroying another man's life.

"Yes. Benny did it," I lied. It was odd that I didn't feel any guilt from the lie. I felt… the same.

Raphael nodded and turned to the cops. "You heard him, boys. Put him in the white room for one week," he instructed them.

I ran my hand through my hair at the mention of the white room. It was pure psychological torture to just be in there for one hour. I couldn't begin to imagine what it would do to the mind after one week. "Need me for anything else?" I asked in a normal manner.

Raphael shook his head and waved his hand at me. "That'll be all, Castiel. Thank you," he said.

I nodded once then nearly ran out of the room. The alarms had stopped and from what I could tell all the inmates were put back in their cells. My curiosity got the best of me as I found myself walking down a separate way than usual.

I crossed through B hall which held the room that would make even the sanest of people crazy. I acted natural and continued to walk down the hall as if I belonged there. Two guards were dragging Benny in even as he was fighting like hell to not go.

"No! Please! I didn't do anything! I swear to you I didn't do anything," he cried out as tears ran freely down his reddened cheeks. He shook his head back and forth quickly as if that would help him in any way.

I walked slowly past them but stopped when Benny called my name. I turned to him and eyed him unremorsefully.

"Please, doctor. You were there. Tell them I didn't do it! It was that new guy!" he yelled while his thick southern accent filled the silent hall.

I stared him down with angry eyes. Benny's chest heaved up and down when he realized his fate was sealed. "Don't make me go in there," he begged. I was looking at the definition of a desperate man.

"I didn't see a thing," I lied once again before turning my back and walking away. I smiled softly to myself when his screams filled the hall once more. The familiar slam of the heavy door was accompanied next followed by silence. I had done an awful thing so why did I feel so happy?

XXX

I braced myself as I walked out of the elevator with Gabriel and Michael by my side. It was that time of the week for my session with Dean. I hadn't seen him since our secret conversation in the broom closet three days before.

I thanked Michael and Gabriel then opened the door. My footsteps filled the room and echoed all around us. Dean sat at the table, handcuffed once again. He looked up slowly and smiled at me softly. His bright orange jumpsuit contrasted his green eyes but I couldn't help but notice how beautiful he was.

I sat across from him and placed the manila folder down between us. Deans eyes followed my movements and he frowned once he noticed what it was. "So, I guess you know, huh?" he asked as if he had been expecting this all along.

I shook my head which made his eyes go wide in surprise. "I'm going to give you a chance to tell me before I sit here and read it in front of you," I propositioned him.

Dean leaned back as far as his handcuffs would let him. "You're not going to like what you find," he warned me.

I shrugged nonchalantly. "I can guarantee you that I've seen worse than you. You make put fear into everyone else around here but you're not going to do it to me," I said, putting my foot down finally. It was my turn to call the shots around here.

Dean chuckled then smirked. "Is that right?" he asked me as his eyes glowed darkly.

"Yes, that is right," I said with annoyance clear in my voice.

Dean leaned forward while continuing to display his knowing smirk. "So, Cas, if that's right then tell me why you let someone else take the fall for me? I mean, you're not scared of me so you shouldn't have been afraid to rat me out," he told me as if he was reading my mind.

"I'm not afraid. I just didn't want you to lose your mind just yet. We're still getting started," I stated easily.

Dean chuckled and clicked his tongue in amusement. "You don't think I've lost my mind already? Baby, my minds been gone for a long time now," he said disturbingly.

An unnatural chill shot down my spine at his words. For a moment, I forgot who I was. I was a psychiatrist at a mental institution for God's sake and I was thinking my patient was worth saving. I shook my head to myself then opened the folder.

"Let's get started then, shall we?"


	4. Chapter 4

**All around us**

"Dean Winchester. Age thirty," I started reading out loud as I held onto the folder.

"Stop," Deans voice called out. It sounded like he was in pain just by my words.

I looked up from the official documents and eyed him curiously. "What's that?" I asked, wanting to hear him admit defeat. When I wanted something, I always made sure to get it.

Dean lowered his head as if he was ashamed. "I said stop," he barely whispered.

I smiled victoriously to myself. "That's what I thought you said," I replied then closed the folder and put it back on the table.

"I'm not ready for this to end," Dean finally said after a few moments of lingering silence.

I leaned forward and placed my hands down on the cool metal table. "What to end? You need to talk to me, Dean," I pleaded with him.

Dean looked up at me with a stoic face. He attempted to move his hands to, what I assume, place his where mine were. The metal clanked loudly and his hands fell back down. "Once you find out the truth, you'll never want to see me again," he said as his eyes flashed with emotion.

I finally could see that there really was a person behind that dark demeanor of his. I leaned forward and rubbed my fresh stubble growing along my chin. "So, tell me about you then. On your own terms," I tried to appease him but also do my job.

A smile tugged at Deans lips. "Everybody is always talking at me. Not to me. Their always trying to get in my head and figure out who I am. But the reality is that I'm not going to stop what I do. And that's who I really am," he explained to me in his own twisted words.

I rubbed my chin as he spoke. Everything he said was like a puzzle that I had to take the time to figure out. "Do you always blame the world around you and not yourself?" I asked him even when I knew the chances of him lashing out were incredibly high.

Dean laughed but it wasn't his normal carefree one. It was much darker. "Tell me, doctor, have you ever looked in the mirror and not recognized your face? Have you ever lost yourself completely to get what you want? Have you fucking ever been up to your eyeballs in someone else's blood and not given a damn?" he asked me rhetorically as he already knew my answers.

He chuckled when I didn't say anything. "Of course, you haven't. You're just some rich boy from the city. You know nothing of the real world," he scoffed.

I slammed my hand down harshly on the table. "You don't know anything about me. And besides, this is about you! You don't get paid to discuss me! I get paid to discuss you! Now shut the hell up before I put you in the white room my damn self. And if you think you've already lost your mind then you've never experienced pure psychological torture like this. So, fuck with me one more time," I threatened him.

Dean leaned all the way back in his chair and I realized that I had been leaning over him menacingly. My eyes went wide at my outburst as I sat back down slowly. I adjusted my tie and managed to avoid eye contact with him. I felt so mortified.

"Well, that was something. Honestly didn't think you had it in you. I'd clap my hands if I wasn't chained down," Dean said with amusement.

I chanced a glance up at him and saw him smiling widely at me. His eyes crinkled up in an endearing way that I wish I could see more often. "I- I don't know what came over me," I apologized with embarrassment.

Dean pursed his lips downward as he shook his head. "I know what happened," he replied as if our roles had been reversed.

Michael and Gabriel decided to interrupt our session at that moment causing me to scramble up to my feet. I tilted my head and awaited Dean to finish his compelling thought.

Dean allowed the guards to uncuff him from the table then cuff him again to escort him to his cell. He turned his head around once he reached the doorway and said, "Nice to finally meet you, Cas." Gabriel pushed him out of the entryway and down the hall. I could hear his laughter echo throughout until they were gone.

I knew in that moment that I would forever be attached to this insane man. No matter how much I wanted to stay professional and keep out of harm's way, I knew my life would never be the same. But I had no idea what kind of storm awaited me.

XXX

It had been a week since the riot and a week since I sent Benny to his fate in the white room. I had seen Dean every now and then around the facility. A dark look would always besiege his face when I was around Michael. And he would look almost happy when I was alone. I hadn't gathered up the nerve to look through his files yet. Some part of me enjoyed this game that we were playing and just like Dean, I didn't want it to end either.

As the institutions protocol states, the inmates doctor, Raphael and guards must be present at the time of release from the white room. So, there I stood with my white coat wrapped comfortably around my frame and a clipboard in my hand.

Raphael stood next to me and nodded at the guards to open the door. They pulled it open and waited for Benny to come out but he never did. Raphael's face grew with concern as he walked quickly over to the open room. He ducked his head inside and called Benny's name.

"Benny, it's alright now, son. Your time is up and you're free to come out," he said gently but with authority still in his tone.

Raphael turned to the guards and shook his head sadly. "Force him out," he instructed them.

They nodded once more then marched into the room. That's when the scream erupted. Oh, God. The blood curdling screams that would come out of anyone who had to endure something such as that. A few seconds later, Benny came out with a guard on each arm.

His eyes were bloodshot and it looked like he hadn't slept for his entire stay. Tears stained his uniform and his face. He looked like someone at the end of a horror movie who had barely been able to survive.

Raphael walked back over to me and patted me comfortingly on the back. "I know how hard it must be to see your patients in such pain but please do understand that we do this for a reason. Now, go get ready for your post punishment session with him," he told me pointedly.

I sucked in a shaky breath but nodded. I could feel my heart practically beating out of my chest as I walked up the unsettling set of stairs to the session room where Dean and I met every week. I knew that I should feel a lot guiltier than I did but it was just something about that room that always managed to send electric chills through me.

I braced myself then opened the door to the room. Benny sat alone at the table, handcuffed like all the others always were. He hung his head low as he muttered to himself.

As I neared, I could make out the words he was saying. "Yes. No. You're not real. You're not real. None of this is real. I didn't do it. Yes, you did. You did it. You killed him. You killed him," he talked out loud to himself.

I pulled out the metal chair and the harsh, loud scrapes echoed in the room. Benny's head shot up immediately and I found myself wanting to run for the hills. This wasn't my first time conducting a post punishment session but you never really get used to the creepiness of it all. It felt as if we were experimenting on people in an already poor mental state just for our own selfish research.

I ignored the look of murder in his eyes and silently thanked God that he was handcuffed. I sat down in my chair and pulled myself closer to the table as I placed the clipboard between us. "Hello, Benny," I greeted him with a warm smile that didn't reach my eyes.

Benny's face softened up. He must've realized that I wasn't a hallucination which was a very common side effect that the room put on its victims. "Hello, Dr. Novak," he replied almost robotically. It was unnerving to hear him speak so impersonal but I couldn't blame him.

"Do you want to talk about your stay in the room?" I asked him like I asked every single person that came out of it.

Benny struggled with his thoughts for a moment before his eyes became nearly lifeless. "Yes. I like the room," he answered insincerely.

I furrowed my brow before writing down his answer onto my notepad on the clipboard. "Interesting. Tell me what it is about it that you find enjoyable," I probed him. It was hard for me to hide my shock. I had never seen anyone that liked it. But then again, I had never seen anyone stay in there for longer than two days.

"I wasn't here anymore," he answered while giving nothing away.

I tapped my pen on my chin and squinted my eyes at him. "What do you mean? You were here the whole time, Benny. Just isolated," I pointed out.

Benny turned his head to look next to him but nothing was there. "I can't tell him that. I want to tell him the truth. No. No!" he was saying to some nonexistent being.

I wrote down 'delirious' and 'sedate' on my notes then continued to stare at him. "Who are you talking to, Benny? What do you want to tell me?" I continued to question as I pushed deeper.

"I was home and with my family. I was so happy," he said with a small smile as tears began to fog up his eyes.

I waited for him to continue and encouraged him with a soft smile of my own. "But then I killed them! Over and over again," he admitted as he looked right into my eyes.

"I pointed the gun at her as she held her hands up and begged me not to kill her," he continued as something shifted in his demeanor. "Then bang!" he yelled loudly causing me to jump slightly. "I turned the gun to him and laughed as he tried to help my mother. But she was dead. Then bang!" he screamed again.

"Then he was dead, too. And it was just me. And him," he said in a softer voice.

My face hardened as I leaned forward. "Who is 'him', Benny?" I asked him seriously.

Benny chuckled and stared right past me. "The devil made me do it, doctor," he answered sinisterly. "The devils here. In our little town of Kansas and he's not leaving until we're all dead."

Before I got the chance to answer he continued. "I lived it again and again in the room. Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! I liked it," he said before throwing his head back in laughter.

"Benny!" I demanded his attention. He stopped and lowered his head back down to look at me. "This devil. What did he look like?" I probed when my curiosity got the best of me.

Benny laughed again at my seemingly ridiculous question. "No, doctor. Ignorance is bliss. No reason we both got to die, right?" he said with a tilt of his head.

I stood up immediately from my chair and walked out of the room leaving Benny to continue talking to himself. "Sedate him now," I ordered the guards as they fumbled to get inside and follow through.

I held the clipboard of lies in my hands as I walked angrily down the hall. I was beginning to become frustrated with this entire place. I cracked the board in two then threw it into a nearby trash can. The only question running through my mind was what is everyone so afraid of? It was time to get my answer.


	5. Chapter 5

**A dangerous path**

I didn't know what to do anymore. Everything had become so fuzzy since the moment I laid eyes on Dean Winchester. My work was slipping as well as my mind. But if he wanted a game then he better come to play.

I walked into the recreational room during social hour and walked past everyone with my eyes dead set on one man in particular. He was alone like always with a board game sitting in front of him. The table he was at was cornered away from most of the group which was perfect.

I slid the chair opposite of him out from under the table and sat down. Dean looked up from studying a game piece and smiled lightly at me. "Almost didn't recognize you for a second there," he commented at my unusual outfit.

I was wearing jeans and a worn out plain black t shirt. I shrugged my shoulders nonchalantly but smiled back at him. "I think it's time we get to know each other. You've already been here for two weeks and I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't at least try. So, what do you say?" I asked him, wanting it to seem like I was actually giving him a choice in the matter.

Dean chuckled and crossed his arms across his chest. It was one of the only few times I had ever seen him without handcuffs and while the idea of him being free was scary, I wasn't going to let it intimidate me.

"And what do I get out of this?" he asked selfishly with a gleam of mischief in his eye.

I glanced down at the game of 'Sorry' sitting in between us then looked back up at him. "What do you say we play for answers?" I suggested with a smile to match his.

Dean rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "You're on," he finally agreed. He began to set up the board game with meticulous hands. "What color do you want to be?" he asked in all seriousness.

"Blue," I answered instantaneously.

"Like your eyes," Dean commented without a second thought.

I raised my eyebrows in surprise at his comment but said nothing while my cheeks began to heat up. I needed to get ahold of myself. I wasn't some horny teenage boy. I was a licensed psychiatrist, dammit. "What color will you be?" I asked him as I miraculously ignored the fluttering in my stomach.

Dean held up his chosen piece as if it was a trophy. "Red. There's just something symbolic about this color. Don't you think?" he replied as he set his pieces down on the board.

"No. I don't think there's anything special about that color," I pushed him.

Dean laughed as he shook his head to himself. "Oh? You don't believe so? I can make you believe in the color red," he said.

"Tell me what intrigues you about it," I replied as I stared at his face for any signs of his true feelings.

"Everyone's different. Until their dying and bleeding. Then they're all the same. The same old sob stories. Begging you not to kill them. They have a family, they have an important job or their just not ready to leave this world yet. And what color do they bleed?" he asked me as he suddenly looked up from the board.

My eyes widened at his answer. "Red," I found myself answering even when my mind couldn't process anything being said.

Dean smiled triumphantly. "Exactly. Now let's play," he demanded as darkness flashed through his eyes.

Dean drew the first card and frowned when he didn't get the number he was expecting. I laughed at his misfortune then drew the second card from the stack. I smiled when my number was exactly what I wanted.

I picked my blue pod up and placed it on its entrance circle. "First question. Who are you?" I asked while staring into his cold eyes.

His perfect lips curled upwards in a smile. "My name's Dean Winchester. Originally from Lawrence, Kansas. I have a little brother named Sam. Mom's dead and dad's unfortunately still kicking. I'm part of the most feared family in America and I enjoy killing people," he said as if he was discussing the weather.

"You should put that in your biography," I replied sarcastically, trying not to let him unsettle me.

He smiled in return then reached to pick up the next card. "Looks like it's my turn to ask a question," he said with joy. He then moved his red pod into his own entrance circle on the board.

"What do you think you're doing here?" he asked me as his eyes squinted in decipherment.

I furrowed my brow then ran a hand through my hair. "I'm not sure I understand the question," I answered honestly. Did he mean what was I doing playing games with a patient? Or what was I doing with my life? I wasn't sure if I could answer either of those questions.

Dean rolled his eyes when I wasn't catching on as fast as he had hoped. "You're out of your league here, kid," he answered half hazardly.

"Enlighten me, then," I challenged him with a tilt of my head. Did he really think that I couldn't do what he does? I mean, understand what he does.

"You want to play with the big dogs then you're going to get chewed up. And don't say I didn't warn you," he threatened before waving at the deck of cards. "I believe it's your turn now."

I cut my eyes at him but picked up the next card as he suggested then moved five spaces. "Why is everyone so afraid of you?" I asked the question that had been lingering on my mind since he had gotten here.

Dean shrugged as if it was no big deal. "Well, I wouldn't say everyone. You're still talking to me," he said, dodging the question.

I rolled my eyes just as he had done before. "I'm serious, Dean. I want answers," I demanded in a gravelly voice.

Dean looked taken back by the shift of my demeanor but ultimately decided to appease me. "They know the truth," he answered.

I swallowed nervously. Did I want to know the truth as well? Or would I rather do as Benny said and remain ignorant. After all, everyone knows what killed the cat. "Your turn," I mumbled just as Dean picked up the following card.

He moved his pod a few spaces as he thought up his own question. "Have you ever wanted to run away?" he questioned me. His question derailed my mind and sent me into a state of internal panic.

"Um, hasn't everyone?" I replied back while my palms began to sweat. It was as if he could read my mind. I had done nothing my entire teenage years except fantasize about a moment in my life when I could turn my back on my life and never look back. But here I was, still stuck in the same boring life. Even now, those once ridiculous thoughts would cloud my mind and deter my better judgement.

Dean shook his head as he laughed. "Come on, Cas. I thought we were friends. Friends tell each other the truth," he pushed me into revealing more.

I shrugged and avoided eye contact with him. "I guess I never figured that this is what I'd be doing for the rest of my life. I thought my life would have more excitement than this," I explained before looking up.

There he was. Assessing me once again. "Playing board games with homicidal maniacs isn't enough excitement for you?" he questioned with a raise of his eyebrow.

"You're not permitted to two questions in a row," I teased him and was able to change the subject. I picked up the next card then moved my pod two spaces in front. Deans red one was approaching mine dangerously close.

"What would Sam say if he could see you now?" I asked him a surely thought-provoking question.

Dean smiled at the mention of his little brother's name. "Well, Cas, I imagine he'd say, 'What the hell have you gotten yourself into?' while giving me his class A bitch face," he replied in amusement.

"Because of the annoying fact that you're in a maximum security mental institution?" I asked, sarcastically.

"No. I won't be here long. It's because I'm not leaving alone," he answered in a chilling tone.

My body tensed up at his answer and it felt like his words had crawled under my skin. "What do you mean? Are you leaving with someone? And how will you leave?" I questioned him relentlessly.

Dean ignored me and picked up the final card. He moved his pod to where mine stood then knocked it off the table. The blue pod fell to the floor as the red pod stood in its place.

"Social hour is up! Everyone report back to your cells!" A guard from the entrance called out.

All the inmates collectively stood up and began to file out of the door. Dean stood from his chair and shot me a lopsided smile. "Sorry," he answered, taking a shot at the game we just played while giving me an answer to my questions. I just didn't know it yet.

I watched him dumbfoundedly as he trudged along with the crowd. The line that was once crowded had now been separated as no one dared to walk alongside Dean.

I sat quietly and went over what I had just learned which was next to nothing. I needed to think of something quick before anything got out of hand around here and there was only one person I could think of that would help me. "Shit."

XXX

An hour later, I found myself dragging myself towards the cafeteria where lunch was being served. Luckily, it wasn't my day to monitor which meant that I could leave as soon as this was over. I walked through the doors and immediately locked eyes with Dean. No matter what, that always seemed to happen when I didn't really need any more of his acting out to ruin anything.

I tore my gaze away from his then easily found who I was looking for. He was posed up on the brick wall with his rifle in position in his hands. I walked up to him and smiled, "Hello, Michael."

Michael turned his head towards me before a face splitting grin spread across his face. Sure, he was handsome. Though not nearly as handsome as Dean. Where had that thought come from? I shook it off as just going stir crazy from seeing him wherever I went.

"Castiel, so great to see you again. And you look different today," he noticed while looking me up and down.

His obvious looks made me want to sink into myself but I had to do this. "Thank you. I wanted to dress more casually today since I didn't have any sessions scheduled," I explained, although I wasn't entirely sure why I was explaining.

"Well, you look great," he said so openly.

I rubbed the back of my neck at his flattery. I mostly felt embarrassed at his compliments but he probably took it as me feeling another kind of way. "I need your help," I said, wanting to get straight to the point.

Michael stood up taller and nodded seriously. "Of course. Anything for you," he agreed immediately.

"I'm just stumped on a case. I need you to ask around about the fairly new guy, Dean Winchester. I want to know what the streets know. Not what the file knows. Can you do that for me?" I asked while giving him my best attempt at puppy dog eyes.

"If I do this for you, will you do me the honor of going to dinner with me?" he asked me again. I was hoping that he had forgotten all about his question since the last time he asked it a man had a spork shoved in his eye.

"Yes," I agreed while wanting to curl up into a ball and die. This was my last resort and if it was what I had to do then so be it.

Michael smiled widely. "I'll report back to you on Monday," he said with a gleam in his eye.

"I appreciate it," I told him before turning my back on him and heading out of the cafeteria.

I stopped at the doorway to chance another glance at Dean but he was gone now. The table he had been sitting at was completely abandoned. It had been as if he had never been there. I shrugged to myself and walked down the empty hallway. Now, all I had to do was wait for Monday.


	6. Chapter 6

**You can run**

I was curious. So curious that I knew deep down it would eventually kill me. I was off during the weekend and had spent my Friday night catching up on some much-needed rest but now I had some other matters to attend to. I had spent all of Saturday afternoon researching until it felt like my fingers would fall off.

I stared hard at my laptop screen as I sat at my dainty little kitchen table. The name 'Sam Winchester' stared back at me cruelly as I slowly unraveled the mystery. I clicked on the first article that mentioned his name and read out loud to myself.

"Sam Winchester, 26, suspect in mass murder case that left twenty people dead. The murders took place in an abandoned warehouse in Washington. It is unclear what his motives were and whether or not his notorious brother, Dean, was with him. Sam is considered armed and dangerous. Please do not approach alone and call law enforcement if you believe you've spotted him," I whispered. I scrolled down to see Sam's mugshot as he held up a board of his statistics.

His hard face was similar to Deans but it was few and far between. His hair was much longer than his brothers and tucked behind his ears. He was taller than Dean but not by much. Although, he was a hell of a lot taller than me.

I scribbled down the place of his arrest from his mugshot and the time he had spent in a Washington jail on unrelated charges. The website read that he was only in a holding cell for 24 hours before he busted out. I frowned when I remembered Deans threats of leaving. "How?" I whispered to myself.

I researched for countless hours. Sam had been in prison sixteen times, each in separate states. It was as if he was all over the country all the time. But no cell had been able to hold him. He was always gone within a week of being put away.

Many links popped up of Deans name and his crimes but I made a point to ignore them each time. I needed to start from the outside. He was like the center of a Tootsie Pop and I needed to get to it. But first I had to understand him.

I picked up my large stack of articles, mugshots and addresses from around the country then walked into my living room where my United States map held a place of pride on my otherwise plain wall. I carefully tacked all of the addresses on the states that they belonged to along with the mugshots in the states they were taken in.

I wrapped red yarn around my finger as I wrapped it around all the tacks sticking out on the map. I stepped back and studied the connected red lines. "Where the hell are you?" I asked myself while rubbing my chin.

I pulled a chair a few feet away from the board and decided to take my time figuring this out. The man had been in Kansas, North Dakota, South Dakota, Washington, Texas, California, Illinois and numerous others. There had to be a pattern going on here. He was slipping up too much by Deans standards. As far as I knew, Dean had only been arrested two separate times. The second one being his last.

Maybe he wanted to be caught each time. Or maybe he was always protecting his older brother. I read and reread the dates over and over again until they stuck in my mind. He was last in Kansas. Shit, that was it. He was gradually getting closer to Dean. But he was out now. How was I supposed to find him now?

My cell phone rang shrilly in my pocket, pulling me out of my one track mind. I glanced toward my small, black digital clock whose red digits showed me it was already eleven p.m. I groaned and didn't bother looking at the caller i.d before answering. "Hello?" I answered lazily while my eyelids began to feel like sandbags.

"My, my, my. Someone's got lots to answer for," a familiar, sultry voice filled my ear.

My eyes went wide, suddenly feeling wide awake and charged. "D- dean?" I stuttered in surprise.

"The one and only," He answered back and I could tell he was smiling into the receiver.

"How- how are you calling me? How did you get this number?" I questioned him, growing angry now.

Dean tsked into the phone. "So curious, Cas. You do know how that story ends for the cat, right?" he asked me rhetorically.

"What do you want, Dean? You're lucky that I don't report you to Raphael or the police," I threatened.

Dean laughed. "What? I miss you. Can you blame me for calling?" he purred.

I stopped what I was going to say and felt my jaw drop slightly. My face warmed up at his words and I found myself growing more and more embarrassed. "I- I don't understand," I muttered finally while avoiding eye contact with my own little makeshift Winchester board.

"Sure, you do. You're breaking our little promise and doing some research on me and I don't like people who break promises very much," he said as his tone shifted into something darker.

I froze as my brain looked for the right words to say. Was he talking about Michael asking around or my computer research? I gulped nervously. "I only know what you've told me," I lied.

"Cross your heart and hope to die?" he asked as he accentuated the last word.

My heart sped up at his accusations. He knew. Dammit, he knew. "I promise," I replied, unsteadily.

I turned my head to the door as I kept my cell phone up to my ear. It sounded like someone was outside my house but that could just be my imagination. This man was driving me crazy with all this paranoia.

"Swear you won't tell me any lies. I have to know that I can trust you," he pushed me. I felt like I was cracking my façade was crumbling by the second.

"I swear," I whispered so quietly that I wasn't sure if he had heard.

"That's a shame. You've got problems now, my friend," he replied. I walked slowly towards my door. I had definitely heard something that time.

"Dean? What are you talking about?" I questioned him as my heart raced at a mile a minute.

"Who's that knocking at your door?" he asked me as a hard, loud knock sounded at the moment he asked me.

I jumped and took a step back then searched quickly for my baseball bat that I kept laying around. "Dean! Why are you doing this?" I yelled as I finally found the wooden bat.

"You can run, Cas. I don't mind. But I'll find you and it will be so much worse when I do," he promised sinisterly into my ear. "I told you no research! And then you lied! Now, what do you expect me to do? I have no other choice. You have to learn."

The knocks became harder and more aggressive as each second passed. I backed into my wall and gripped the phone tighter. "I'm calling the police," I said anxiously.

"Do it and I will kill you. And that's not a threat, angel. It's a promise," he said with anger deep in his voice.

"The truth is going to come out some day, Dean! It's going to wipe the smile right off your face and show me who you really are," I cried into the phone. My adrenaline was growing with the knocks and allowing me to be brave.

Dean was silent for a moment before saying, "I'll see you soon," and hanging up. My phone went dead in the palm of my hand. My weak front door began to split at all the impact that was being forced upon it. I braced myself as surely any minute, I would be dead. It was flight or fight time.

I threw my phone at the wall and screamed in anger. I watched as the screen cracked in a hundred places before dropping to the floor. "Come on! Bring it on!" I shouted loudly at whoever was on the other side of the door.

I gripped the bat tightly in my hands and prepared myself for what was next. But nothing could've ever prepared me. The door swung open at one last kick and a tall man with long dark brown hair stepped through. I recognized him instantly from the mugshots I had spent the entire afternoon staring at.

"Sam," I found myself saying before I could think it through.

"Castiel," he replied with a much softer voice than I had expected. "Let's go. He's waiting."

I backed up and raised the bat to show him I wasn't afraid to use it. "I'm not going anywhere with you," I spat out at him. I was angry that he was here, mad that Dean had sent him and pissed off that he had broken my door.

Sam chuckled. "I wasn't asking," he said as he raised an unamused eyebrow.

He turned his head as his eye caught the wall I had spent my day making. His mugshots hung from every corner of the map. He laughed at the sight as he shook his head. "Really, dude? You thought you could MacGyver your way to me? I'm right here," he told me incredulously.

I took my chance while he was distracted and swung my bat with full force at the side of his leg. He went down quickly while clinging to his leg and yelling in pain. I dashed out the door and didn't look back. I didn't know what him or Dean wanted with me but I wasn't about to stick around to find out.

I ran for two blocks with my bat still clutched in my hands. "Help! Someone help me!" I screamed, hoping my neighbors would hear. But no one did.

I looked back and saw a midnight black car approaching me at a fast speed. I groaned then ran my way through someone's back yard. I jumped their fence easily then the next one before cutting through an alley. I could still hear the sound of tires squealing as he tried to keep up with me.

I ran across the alley then across the sidewalk on the other side before ducking into a large set of bushes. I placed my hand over my mouth to silence my breaths better and watched through the gaps of brush as the black car stopped at the end of the sidewalk. Sam got out of the driver's seat then walked along the sidewalk at an irritatingly slow pace.

His boots shuffled one in front of the other as I neared closer and closer to me. I tightened the hold on my mouth just to make sure and forced myself to not move even an inch. "Castiel! Dr. Novak! Come out, I'm not going to hurt you," Sam called out a few feet away from me. "But he is," he added with a dark laugh.

A tear slipped out of my eye as I imagined the torture that I was sure I would endure very soon. "You should've just walked away, man. This is what you wanted. You wouldn't leave it alone," he continued while he stopped right in front of the bush I was hiding in.

"Time to pay the price," he said just as he grabbed me by the neck of my shirt and pulled me onto my feet.

"No, please don't. I'll do anything he wants just please don't do this," I begged him as he reached into his pocket.

He pulled out a napkin that seemed to be doused in some kind of fluid that I already had a hunch what it was. "I have to. There are things out there much bigger than you can ever imagine. You just walked into the lion's den," he replied then grabbed me firmly by the back of neck and shoved the napkin into my face.

I inhaled the toxins unwillingly and knew my hunch had been correct. Chloroform. My eyelids felt like they had earlier but much heavier this time. I could feel myself slipping away even when my conscious was fighting like hell to stay. Until the darkness came and took over my mind.


	7. Chapter 7

**Drag you down**

My eyes opened slowly while my head greeted me with excruciating pain. My sight was cloudy at first but I could tell that there was two people moving around me. It was white all around but I brushed it off as being a side effect from the drug.

"He's awake," I faintly heard someone say. It sounded like they were far away but I was sure that they weren't.

A light flicked on from near me and I realized that I was lying down. I attempted to sit up but was caught by a restraint on my ankles and wrists. I groaned as the light started to burn my eyes and make it harder for things to come into focus.

"Where am I?" I found myself asking to my captors. My mouth was extremely dry and bitter. It felt as if I hadn't had any water in days. Time was nothing to me. I didn't know whether or not it had been hours or days since I've been unconscious. I've only ever read about this heinous drug. I never suspected that I would one day fall victim to it.

"I never knew that this was an abandoned insane asylum before the state bought it back in the 70's. But it's only good news for me since now I have all these toys to play with," a disembodied voice spoke from the other side of me.

Of course, I knew that voice. It was the one I had been running from. It was Deans voice. My body betrayed me when it began to feel slightly comforted in his voice vibrating through the room.

I groaned again as I tried to pull myself up again. My hands were still tied up tightly and restrained to whatever contraption I was lying on. My vision slowly but surely began to pull through and I was soon face to face with my own nightmare.

Dean smiled down at me but it wasn't his usual smile. It was a sinister one and I knew he only reserved this one for when he was going to kill someone. "Dean," I said roughly as my hand tried to come up to touch his face. It fell flat once more and I realized that I wasn't the one with the power anymore.

"Hey, angel," he greeted me. His eyes softened up just a little bit when I said his name and I could tell that I ravaged several emotions in him that he didn't want to admit.

"What are you doing? Are you going to kill me?" I questioned him while staring into his eyes. I always believed that the eyes were a window to one's soul but I couldn't see anything looking back at me. It was only once in a while where I could catch a glimpse of the person behind the mask.

Dean chuckled but thankfully, shook his head. "Oh, no. I'm not going to kill you. But I am going to hurt you," he said so sure of himself.

He lifted the chair I had been lying on, which was flat, up until I was sitting up. I could now get a better view of the thick brown material that surrounded my wrists and ankles. I was sitting in what I could only describe as a dentist chair but much more unstable. The legs were rusty and it started to register with me where I was.

We were near the basement where most of the torture was done to mental patients back in the sixties and much before that. The way they treated someone who only needed to be helped was criminal. The state just hadn't bothered to get rid of much and instead opted to just dump it into the basement instead.

"Are you familiar with the term 'electroshock therapy'?" Dean asked me as he began to walk circles around me.

I swallowed nervously while my hands began to shake. "Yes," I whispered as I squeezed my eyes shut.

Deans hands were on my face in a second and forcing me to look at him. I opened my eyes to stare into the never-ending abyss of forest green eyes. They were angry but somehow doubtful.

"You're not insane like me, Cas. And usually I'd be okay with that. Usually, I would have killed you as soon as you turned your back. But I can't help but feel like I need you," he said while running a warm hand down my face then through my hair.

I held my breath and waited for whatever he was going to say next. He said he wouldn't kill me which is always good but when he's done with me, I'm going to wish that he would have.

"I have a plan. I always have a fucking plan, Cas. But you're making it very hard for me. I've already tried to leave this shithole but I can't. There's too many guards, too many inmates and too many damn witnesses. Also, I can't leave without my favorite doctor," he continued.

His hands were warm on my face and I've never felt so safe even when I knew something wicked was coming my way. I closed my eyes again while reminding myself to take deep breaths. I laughed at the thought of everything. "This isn't real. Who put you up to this? Raphael? Is he testing me or something?" I asked a now very confused Dean.

"No, Cas. This is real. I'm real and you're real," he told me with a stern voice and frown that caused wrinkles to appear next to his mouth.

I laughed harder at his antics. "Okay, very funny. Come out now, Raphael! I passed this stupid test of yours," I said loudly while looking around Deans shoulders. But no one came out to tell me I had passed. Or that it was just a joke. It was only me, Dean and Sam who was in the corner of the room awaiting his brother's instructions.

I waited a few more seconds in silence before doom grew heavy in my chest. I shook the restraints that were weighing me down. "Not funny, Dean. Do you have any idea what I'm going to do to you when I get out of this?" I questioned him as anger of my own began to rise.

It was Deans turn to laugh. "Are you really in any position to be threatening a serial killer? You forget that I'm insane," he said with a guilty smile.

"You're not insane, Dean. There's reason behind this. There's reason behind everything. Just open up to me," I pleaded with him.

"Stop!" he screamed violently. I would have jumped if I hadn't been held down. "Stop trying to get in my head!" he demanded as he took a step back and held his balled up fists to his head.

I remained quiet, decidedly not wanting to piss him off further with my doctor talk. It seemed to trigger him in a harmful way. My lip quivered with fear and I bit it to get it under control.

Dean turned around to where Sam stood then nodded. Sam stooped over and picked up a small, old machine that I was already familiar with. It was an ECT machine in the shape of a white box. Along with it, were the pads doctors used to put on the patient's temples and a dial to control the electric current.

I shook my head repeatedly back and forth when they both neared me. "Dean, you do not understand the dangers of that machine," I warned him but he merely brushed it off.

"Well, angel, I know that this is conventionally used with some form of anesthesia but I'm an unconventional man. We'll do it old school. No protection," he replied with a sly wink.

Sam held my head down as Dean attached the pads to each side of my temple. Tears were freely falling down my face and my body was giving every last trace of energy in an effort to fight them but to no avail.

Sam moved back to the corner then Dean moved near the machine. He wiped away my tears as if he actually gave a damn about me then put his finger up to his mouth to silence my sobs.

"Why, Dean? This will only give me memory loss and a strong hatred for you," I said in one last effort to get him to let me go.

Dean smiled at my words. "No. You won't hate me. You won't even remember this little excursion. Besides, if my plan works then you'll be just as unhinged as I am then maybe we can be together."

I shook my head while squeezing all the remaining tears out of my eyes. "This is just a dream. I'm still at home asleep in my bed. This isn't real. This isn't real," I repeated to myself.

Deans finger tilted up my chin and forced me to face this new twisted reality. He held a balled-up rag in his other hand while he stared at me with evil intentions. "You can't wake up my sweet angel. This is not a dream," he said before shoving the rag in my mouth to hide my screams.

"They say to never above a 50% when giving someone this treatment. Of course, they want all the voices in your head to go away and for you to be cured. Well, I want to give you voices. I want you deranged. So, let's crank it up to 80%" he told me before turning the dial to eighty.

The volts shot through my brain causing the muscles to seize up. The pain was excruciating. I screamed even with the rag blocking out my sounds. My body convulsed and fought against the restraints. The human body can only take so many electrical currents going in at once. Dean had pushed the limit and now my body and mind were taking the heat for it.

Sweat was pouring out of my body while screams continued to sound out of my mouth. I wanted this to end. It felt like time had come to a halt and there was nothing besides me and pain. Eventually, my mind drifted off and I felt nothing. That's the funny thing about the brain, it hates to think of its own mortality so it will do anything it can to distract you.

I was in a different place while in that chair. I was no longer Castiel Novak but I was Jimmy Smith. The young dark-haired boy with a mother who was high most of the time and an absent father. My mind took me to a setting of being in that hell that I used to call home.

I lived in the poorest neighborhood of Pontiac, Illinois. The shutters were barely hanging on the weathering away building. Most of the windows were cracked and the door had a huge hole in it from all the times my mom's boyfriends would try to kick it down.

I was fifteen years old as I studied for my big physics test coming up. My nose was in a book like it had been most of the time. Why did my brain make me relive my worst memory at a time like this? But there was nothing I could do but watch.

It felt like my adult body was in that room with adolescent me. I wanted nothing more than to reach out and comfort him, knowing what was about to happen. But, of course, life was cruel that way.

I read and reread the practice equations over and over until I was positive I could memorize them on sight. I was about to move on to the next section when I heard a loud bang come from the living room. I had ignored and decided it was best if I didn't get involved in whatever drama my mother was caught up in this time.

"Naomi! Naomi! Get your ass up!" a man shouted in the next room.

I rolled my eyes but wasn't surprised that my mother was sleeping off whatever drug she took this time. I started to read the next section and found myself getting sucked into the information until a scream pulled me out of it. It was a man's scream this time.

Curious, I placed my book down on my bed then slowly stood up. I walked over to my door and cracked it open so I could hear more of what was going on. "Naomi, wake up! Wake up! Oh, fuck!" he screamed.

I furrowed my brow then pushed myself through the door. I walked into the living room where my mother was lying face down on the floor next to the couch. A man with many tattoos who I had never seen before turned towards me.

"Hey, kid! You've never seen me before. I'm out of here!" he said with a face as white as a ghost.

I tilted my head. "Um, okay. What are you talking about?" she sleeps like that a lot. Probably just fell off the couch at some point," I replied with indifference before bending over and rolling her over.

Her face was white. Whiter than I had ever seen and blood was dried up under her nose. I felt myself become ill when it registered to me just how cold she was. I dropped her arms that I had been holding and stumbled backwards.

"She's dead," I said in disbelief. Her cold dead eyes stared back up at me. I should've felt horrible to see my last known family member dead on the hard ground but I felt nothing. If anything, I felt free. It was a torturous thought to have.

"I'm getting the fuck out of here. She must've OD'd. That crazy bitch was always taking whatever pill she could find," the strange man said as he backed away to the door.

I turned to him and frowned. "What about me?" I asked even though I knew this guy couldn't care less if I died too.

The man shook his head quickly. "No way, kid. I had no part in this and I was never here," he said quickly before opening the door and running outside.

I sat on that dirty, old couch for hours as I deliberated what I was going to do. Maybe I should've just burned the entire house down. Or I could call the police. But I was almost sixteen and I refused to be a part of the system. Besides, I could take care of myself. She never took care of me anyways.

That night, I waited until the streets were dead then dragged the stiff body of my mother out into the backyard. I laid her on the cold, hard ground while I dug her grave. She had no job, no source of income and no friends. I knew no one would come looking for her.

Luckily, my father had given her the house before he ran away so I wouldn't have anyone coming around to evict me. It was set. My future was set. I would work hard to get out of this neighborhood and this state. I didn't have anyone I could make proud so I would just make myself proud.

I patted the dirt and evened it out with my shovel once she was buried six feet under. I smiled to myself at my accomplishments then went inside and took the best shower I've ever had. The next day, I went to school and passed my physics test with flying colors. And I never got caught.

My mind shot me back into present time but I couldn't remember why I was down in the basement. I was no longer restrained but sitting up in the chair. I wiped the drool that was hanging out of my mouth and frowned. Why was I here?

A man with light brown hair stood in front of me with wonderment on his face. I continued to frown as I looked back at him with indifference. "Hello, I'm Dr. Novak. Who are you?" I asked him as I stuck my hand out for him to shake.

The man flashed his pearly white teeth at me as wrinkles formed around his eyes. I decided I liked him immediately. "Dean Winchester."


	8. Chapter 8

**Something wicked**

It had been two days since I found myself in a rather odd situation. I was in the basement with a mysterious patient that assured me that it was my idea to be here in the first place. I had no recollection of how I got there. I hadn't even found the time to go home since I was too busy trying to figure out the previous events leading up to the basement.

I scratched my head to myself while sitting at my oak desk in my office. I read through patients files that were scattered throughout the drawers. I frowned while I skimmed through all of them. There were side notes which were clearly written in my hand writing but I hadn't a clue when I wrote them.

Apparently, Benny had been sent to the white room in the past month and didn't come out so lucky. When did that happen? Benny was always an exemplary patient and never caused anybody any harm.

My head pounded as my mind raced with a million questions. Its as if someone else had been in my body for the past month. What the hell happened? It was likely that the one who could answer my questions was the mystery that I awoke to.

I stood up from my desk with determination and proceeded to walk out of my office. I knew that Dean was in his cell as he usually was when I walked down the hall. I stopped once I reached his and looked in between the bars with curiosity.

Dean was laying across his stiff bed on his back while staring up at the dull ceiling. I watched as his features never changed. His plump lips remained in a frown while his eyes stared straight ahead. He gave no indication that he knew that I was watching him.

He was really quite handsome. It was unprofessional of me to admit but anyone with eyes could tell that he looked like he had stepped off the set of a magazine. I swallowed my thoughts down roughly as I tugged nervously at my tie.

"Are you done gawking at me?" Dean asked out loud without moving his eyes or his position.

I stepped back subconsciously when he caught me. My breath caught in my throat but I managed to pull myself back together. "I was just doing rounds," I lied. It felt as if there was some kind of pull between us. Maybe something happened before my memories escaped me.

"You don't do rounds. The guards do rounds. Also, you don't have an appointment until 3 p.m. And even then, you never need to walk passed my cell to get there. So, why are you here?" Dean replied while continuing to lie in the same spot. His tone was disinterested and maybe even a little bored.

I furrowed my eyebrows and tilted my head. How the hell did he know my schedule? I pushed that specific question to the back of my mind and sighed. "I- I'm just confused is all. One minute I'm doing research on other patients and the next I wake up in the basement. I don't know how I got there or how much time has went by. All I can remember is you," I tell him honestly.

"And here I was thinking you were the doctor and I was the patient," Dean said as he threw his legs off the bed and stood up gracefully. He sauntered over to the bars that were currently separating us and gripped them in each hand. "What? You think I erased your memories?" he asked with a sly smile.

I frowned and tried to think about anything other than the fact that I could feel his hot breath hit my neck. "Of course not," I said lowly as I chanced a look into his eyes.

His demeanor had shifted into something else. A different emotion on a level that contrasted what he was previously feeling. He licked his lips and I realized that he was now staring at my own. I took his current vulnerability as an opportunity.

"That is of course unless you have something you don't want me to know," I pressed while bringing my hand up to wrap around the same bar he was gripping.

Dean chuckled darkly as his eyes flickered to my hand just inches below his. "You're playing a dangerous game, Cas. All these questions are going to make me do something very bad," he promised in a husky tone.

His hand slid down another inch. I looked from our close hands to his beautiful eyes that showed no fear. My hand traveled the rest of the way to close the space between our hands. I carefully wrapped my hand around his and squeezed softly.

Dean closed his eyes for a brief moment and I could hear his breath hitch. I knew that I had him right where I wanted him. "And what bad things are you going to do, Dean?" I questioned him.

I knew logically that I had no memories of his man other than waking up to him but some part of me felt as if I had known him for much longer. There was a pull between us that not even I could deny.

Dean bit his lip. "Something you're not ready for yet," he finally said after a few heavy moments. The air was thick with a silent promise.

I frowned and tilted my head. I didn't understand the cryptic untold promise but I didn't have it in me to continue my questions. Something sinister was unfolding around me and I knew that there wasn't a chance in hell to stop it.

"Castiel! Are you alright?" a voice approaching me asked in a concerned tone. I immediately recognized the voice as Michaels and fought the urge to roll my eyes.

Dean instantly broke apart from the bars he was holding and stepped back further into his cell. His face twisted into something unpleasant but it also looked as if he was in pain.

I stared at him for a second longer before turning my head towards the guard who interrupted us. "Yes, Michael. I'm just fine. There's really no need to worry," I assured him.

Michael stopped in front of me then turned to look at Dean who was now sitting on the edge of his bed. He looked back at me as his facial features displayed the confusion he was surely feeling. "I have that report for you," he said after a moment in a hushed voice.

I furrowed my brow. I didn't understand. I would never ask a guard to do my work for me. "What are you talking about? I don't believe I inquired about a report from you," I questioned him while forgetting that we were speaking in the open for anyone to hear.

Michaels eyes widened as he drifted them to Dean then back to me. There was a secret hiding in there somewhere but I still wasn't catching on. "Yes sir, you did," he pushed me in a more urgent tone as if he expected me to catch on any moment now.

"I think I would know whether or not I made an irregular request," I snapped at him while cutting my eyes at him. He was beginning to work my nerves and push me over the edge when I was already beyond confused.

"Castiel, it's Monday. We made a deal if I did this for you," Michael said a bit too loud as if he was losing his own grip on reality.

I raised a balled up fist to my head and grimaced as an unwelcoming pounding took over my head. I felt a hand grab my shoulder along with muffled voices. It sounded as if I had dunked my head underwater. I felt as if I was drowning.

I took a step back while keeping my eyes closed and allowed a set of hands to guide me to the floor. The pounding in my head was accompanied by static noise rushing through it. It felt as if it would never end until it did.

I opened my eyes slowly and gasped in pain. Michael was crouched down beside me with his arm still hooked onto my shoulder. I shrugged him off weakly with all the strength I could muster up in the time being.

I didn't miss the look of hurt in Michael's eyes when I rejected his comforting touch. It wasn't so comforting to me. My eyes drifted away from Michael until they landed on Dean who was leaning against the bars of his cell curiously.

His eyes showed different traces of emotions in them which sent a chill through my spine. I hadn't gotten the chance to talk o him much but when I did I knew that he wasn't one to show what he was feeling. Anger was the dominant emotion.

Slowly, the nose around me started to come back to me. I took a deep breath as the pain subsided then glanced back to Michael who was still speaking. "Should I go get a nurse? Are you alright? What happened?" he questioned me frantically while I barely had time to register his words.

I grabbed his shoulder firmly and forced him to look into my eyes. "Go get nurse Bradbury. Tell her I will meet her in her office in a few minutes," I instructed him. Partly to set up an appointment and partly to get him out of my hair.

Michael nodded while a small smile flickered across his face. I cut my eyes at him again until I realized my touch was the reason for his slight happiness. I immediately dropped my hand to my lap and groaned when he asked me another question.

"I can walk, Michael. Please, go do as your told," I told him in hopes that he wouldn't get the wrong idea and to remind him who holds the higher position around here.

Michael nodded again but this time without a smile. He got back onto his feet before glancing between Dean and I then walked down the hall towards the nurses office. I released a breath I had been holding in and sighed.

"Looks like someone's been playing detective," a smug voice from across the hall commented.

I fought the urge to roll my eyes. "I haven't the slightest clue as to what you're talking about," I replied honestly.

Dean's small smile turned into a frown as he quickly grabbed the metal bars in front of him. His knuckles turned white from how hold he was holding them and I swallowed fearfully. I wouldn't want to be those bars.

"It also looks like you've got yourself an admirer," he said in what sounded like disgust mixed with jealousy. But that couldn't be it. He was just hearing things. "Want me to take care of that?"

I slowly stood back on my feet as my legs wobbled beneath me. "I believe our definitions of 'take care' are very different," I replied while my fingers did air quotes.

Dean chuckled and it was almost as if I could see he anger vanish from him. The air seemed lighter now. "You would be correct in believing that," he said while flashing me his teeth.

I opened my mouth to ask him to elaborate but was caught off guard by the pounding resuming in my head once more. I groaned in pain and found my back against the wall. His time it didn't interrupt my hearing which I was somewhat grateful for.

"Sounds like you better get to the nurse. This pain of yours is shocking," Dean said while elongating the last word.

I gripped the bridge of my nose and sighed. He was right. I needed to find out what was wrong with me. I also needed to find out why Michael had the idea that I wanted a patient's report from him. That was uncharacteristic of him and also frowned upon if Raphael were to find out.

I opened my eyes as I shoved my hands into my doctors coat. "We're not through here, Dean. I'll see you this afternoon," I told him in a professional manner as I began to walk away.

"I promise to be on my best behavior, doc," he promised along with a chuckle that filled the hall.

I decided to ignore him and keep walking. I turned my head to peak into the other cells that were neighbors of Dean and furrowed my brow at what I saw. Every patient in each cell was sitting in the corner with their knees up to their chest as they stared straight ahead.

I attempted to make eye contact with at least one of them but no one would so much as blink. It chilled me to my core and I found myself wondering when this place started feeling like the set of a horror movie. There was only one logical explanation running through my mind.

The devil was here.


	9. Chapter 9

**Familiar**

"So, you really don't know what brought this headache on?" Nurse Bradbury asked as she leaned over to check my temperature.

I shifted uncomfortably on the hard table and felt the paper twist and crinkle underneath my weight. I shook my head at her question and frowned deeply. "It's strange," I said out loud more to myself than to her.

She walked over to the cabinets in her office but looked at me over her shoulder. "What's strange?" she questioned with a raise of an eyebrow. She was always one to catch on to things quicker than others.

"It's just that two days ago, I found myself feeling as if I had woken up from a month long slumber. It was as if someone else was in control of my body but I don't have any of the memories from the time I missed. And now I'm having these painful headaches," I pondered as I rubbed my finger along my stubble on my chin.

Charlie stopped rummaging through her cabinets and turned her body to look at me seriously. Her eyes were wide and her skin had turned to a more pale color. "What did you just say?" she asked in disbelief.

I looked at her with misty eyes as I let myself feel genuinely afraid for the first time. "I- I don't remember anything, Charlie," I admitted as my bottom lip quivered.

Charlie took a few steps toward me before placing her gentle hand on my shoulder. "It's okay, Cas. We can figure this out together. What is the very last thing you remember?" she asked as she attempted to help.

I froze and forced myself to think back to the moment before I awoke to Dean Winchester. My mind was in a frenzy and it felt like my brain was melting. "I remember looking through patient files and the television was on. I think something important was on the news," I said as I tried to trigger more memories but came up short.

Charlie hummed in thought then shook her head. "I'm sure it's nothing, Cas. Maybe you're just suffering short term memory loss. I bet everything will come back to you soon enough," she tried her best to assure me.

I nodded firmly but still felt shaken. "Yeah. Maybe you're right," I agreed half heartedly. I stood up to leave but was stopped by Charlie's grip on my upper arm. I looked up at her with confusion.

"Please, make sure patient Dean Winchester is orally taking his prescribed medication," she said almost begging me.

I furrowed my brow but nodded once again. "Of course. All patients should be doing so," I assured her. Charlie bit her lip as if she wanted to say something and her eyes darted from side to side while she debated internally.

Her grip on me never wavered and for a second I wondered if she was ever going to let go. Her eyes jumped back to mine causing me to flinch slightly. I had never seen such intensity displayed in her usual cool and collected eyes. It unnerved me deeply.

"Just promise me that you'll personally make sure he's swallowing them down," she said while continuing her intense gaze.

"Yeah, sure, Charlie. If it's that important to you, I'll make sure he's swallowing his pills," I promised her as an uneasy feeling grew in my gut.

Charlie smiled at me tightly before releasing the hold on my arm. I breathed a sigh of relief and brought my hand up to my arm. Charlie paced back and forth in front of me while shaking her head to herself.

She stopped suddenly. The intense look was back. "Something weird is going on around here," she muttered almost as if that thought was supposed to remain in her head.

So it wasn't just me that thought so. Something dark was lurking in these old walls and causing everyone to act differently. "I'm sure it's nothing, Charlie. This is a mental facility. Being around these patients for forty hours a week will make anyone feel a little out of their wits. Especially knowing the crimes that they're here paying for," I tried to reassure her while not giving away my own suspicions.

Charlie nodded weakly and her shoulders sagged. "So you are aware of Winchester's crimes," she replied softly in the way that made me think that was supposed to be for her own mind.

I tilted my head and narrowed my eyes as I thought back. Now that I really think about it, I couldn't remember what exactly Dean had done to be put into a place like this. As his doctor, I was failing him and also myself.

"Honestly, I can't say that I recall. Maybe I have notes on him somewhere but every time I try to think, my mind comes up blank. As if my memories have been wiped clean," I said while rubbing my chin stubble with my finger and thumb.

Charlie's face settled into a grim look as she sighed. "Cas, you're not going to like hearing this," she said apologetically as she prepared to tell me about Deans past. My hands flew up to my mouth to cover the loud gasp that emanated out of me when Charlie's lips began to tell me the truth. It was worse than I thought.

XXX

Silence. As I walked down the eerily quiet hallway to my appointment with none other than Dean Winchester. It had been quite a day and I still wasn't sure how I was supposed to feel when I heard of his crimes.

After Charlie told me the truth, I ran to my office and locked myself in there for a few hours while managing to skip previously scheduled appointments with other patients. I knew it was terrible of me but I couldn't pull myself out of the worm hole once I began my research on the eldest Winchester.

And the pictures. Oh God, the pictures. The dead eyes of his victims were sure going to haunt me. I adjusted my tie nervously with sweaty hands and continued walking. I managed to avoid Michael from accompanying me like he usually does. This was something I needed to do alone.

I arrived at the heavy door a few minutes later and let out a breath I had been holding in for quite some time. I straightened my back out to give myself more confidence before pushing the door open. Silence remained even as I found myself searching his eyes for at least a hint of something.

Dean sat up straighter at the cold table while his handcuffs clinked together. I pulled out the chair and finally noise filled my ears as the chair slid across the concrete floor. I sat down promptly in it then dragged I just as noisily across the floor. Dean continued to stare at me but his face looked worried almost.

I frowned and cleared my throat once I was settled in. "Your court date is coming up," I finally said as a way to break the unsettling tension that had filled the air around us.

Dean shrugged as if he couldn't care less. "Doesn't matter, doc. And if I'm still here then I know I can count on you to only speak highly of me," he said with a coy wink.

My frown deepened. How could he be so at ease with himself while knowing what he's done? I rubbed my temples and let out a long sigh. Dean tilted his head to the side curiously. "What's wrong?" he asked me and somehow I knew that he wasn't used to asking others that.

"I know, Dean," I said after a few lingering moments of silence.

Deans face dropped while he looked for a good defense for himself. "I-," he started then stopped just as quickly. "About what?" he asked with wide eyes.

I could see it. I could see his mask slipping away and cracking. I wanted to smile but I stopped myself. "I know why you're here," I said in a hard tone.

I watched as Deans lips turned into a frown and then tug upwards into a smile. "So, you know now, huh?" he questioned me while leaning comfortably into his chair. I nodded and eyed him carefully.

Dean shook his head. "That's a shame. And to think I was having fun," he said almost as if he was scolding me for finding out.

"It's over, Dean. I will make sure that you never see the light of day again," I threatened.

Dean threw his head back in laughter. "It's over?," he asked rhetorically and I nodded anyway. Dean shook his head again while chuckling. "You don't get to decide that."

My eyebrows knitted together as his words sunk in. "And what do you mean by that? I am your doctor. I have the power to dope you up so bad that it could turn you into a vegetative state," I said angrily as my teeth ground together.

Dean raised his eyebrows at my threat but a smirk spread across his plump lips. "Someone's gotten bold. It suits you though," he said through a smile.

I wanted to get mad at him but I found myself being incapable of doing so. Maybe it was his smile that I couldn't help but stare longingly at or his calm nature that surrounded him. "I like you, Dean. But after this-," I drifted off as my thoughts clouded together.

Dean stopped smiling and his eyes widened more. "You- You like me?" he asked dumbfounded.

I nodded my head once as my lips pursed together. "Don't ask me why. Some things not even I can explain. Maybe in a different life we were more fond of each other," I replied softly.

"I'm fond of you now," Dean said just as softly. His eyes softened up and a genuine smile reached his lips. It wasn't a smirk or one of amusement. It was real.

I felt a rush of familiarity stood through me. Maybe it was his smile. Maybe it wasn't. But for the first time in these past two days I felt myself really feeling as if I knew him. I shook my head to rid myself of these thoughts.

"Why did you do it, Dean?" I asked a little too harshly. My tone was angry but not so much at him but at myself. I hated myself for feeling anything other than hate towards him. What he did… it was inexcusable.

"It's my job," he replied back simply with a shrug of his shoulders.

I frowned at his response. Didn't he feel anything? At least guilt or regret? Maybe even sorrow would ease my mind a bit more. But nothing. His face showed no emotions. Once again I was left staring into his mask.

"What kind of job would require you to murder people?" I questioned him with disgust clear in my voice.

I saw Dean flinch slightly and I knew that my opinions obviously had an effect on him. "When you grow up in that kind of business, you never asked questions. You just acted as a good little soldier and did what you were told," he replied in an almost robotic tone.

"You didn't have to choose this life. You could've done so much more," I said sadly. Deans eyes flashed in anger when he realized I was pitying him.

"You don't know what it was like!," he screamed out as the handcuffs clinked together loudly. "You don't know what it was like to want to have a normal childhood and to play with friends but you couldn't cause you were stuck working. I never had a childhood. Hell, I never had friends. But people like me don't get those luxuries out of life."

I shook my head quickly. "That's not true, Dean. Just because you're scared of your father doesn't mean-" I started but was cut off by Dean.

"You think I'm scared of my father?" he asked incredulously with a chuckle.

I furrowed my brows but nodded. It was the only thing that made any sense to me. Dean shook his head slowly while laughing more. "No, Cas. I'm not scared of my father. My father is scared of me," he finally said with a laugh.

I felt an icy shock run through my spine. I briefly wondered when the guards would be pouring in ad our I me would be up. We sat in silence jus staring at each other and silently daring the other one to move first.

"This is usually the part where you lock me in my cell," Dean pointed out after a few long minutes.

"What? All of a sudden you don't like spending time with me?" I asked with a playful smirk.

I knew I should be outraged and disused with him after learning the truth but I always felt my rage disappear once I looked in his green eyes. It was as if they held some sort o supernatural ability to make me forget all my worries.

Dean chuckled. "Of course I do, Angel. What's more romantic than this?" he asked rhetorically with sarcasm lacing each of his words but I didn't care.

I found myself standing up from my seat and leaning across the table ever so slowly. Deans eyes widened as a reaction but he quickly pulled himself together and began to lean forward to meet me.

I had no idea what came over me. One minute I'm tying to hate his guts and interrogate him and the next I'm crawling across a table because I can't resistance the sight of his perfect lips anymore.

Slowly, I dipped my head down and Dean leaned forward even more. My eyes fluttered shut as our lips came together in an explosive meeting. His lips were just as soft as I imagined and soon he was kicking my lips for entry.

I allowed his tongue in and desperately grabbed the sides of his face in an attempt to pull him in closer. He tasted like mint and I decided that I could get used to this.

The harsh sound of handcuffs hitting the hard metal pulled me out of my bliss like state. My eyes burst open as I tore my lips away from his and jumped off the table. What was I thinking? I stood above him and couldn't help but notice the way his lips had swelled up from our kiss and the lazy smile that graced his features.

"I need to get out of here," I said quickly before running out of the room and leaving Dean locked up. I didn't bother to make sure that the guards took him back to his cell and I didn't bother to finish protocol.

I only had one thing on my mind. I needed to go home.


	10. Chapter 10

**It ends tonight**

I ran and I ran until my lungs burned. I ran past Michael and Gabriel who were standing outside the common area. I thought I heard Michael yell something at me but I paid him no attention. I ran past my office and Deans cell. My stomach turned when I quickly glanced at his unmade bed.

I made it out of the main doors and ran down the steps. The fresh air hit my face and it coldly reminded me that I have not been outside in three days. I was beginning to go crazy. Being inside that facility for most of the week was making me lose my mind along with all the other patients.

I stuck my hand into my coat pocket where I always kept my keys and started to dig around. Nothing. There was nothing in there. Panic rose up quickly in my chest. I remember before this whole ordeal that I always kept my keys in that exact pocket. But now there was nothing there to assure me that I wasn't losing my mind.

I was truly going insane. Frustrated, I pulled out my iPhone and ordered an Uber to come pick me up. This day wasn't making any sense. First, Michael claims he has what I've been asking him for but I've never asked him to do my dirty work. Then, Charlie exposed me to the terrible truth of my most dangerous patient. And to top it all off, I went and kissed him! I could lose my license over this.

I frowned deeply as I leaned against the building while waiting for my ride. How did I get here if my car wasn't here? Nothing was adding up. Maybe it was Deans doing. But having that thought made me feel like a paranoid maniac. Then again, maybe I was.

A car pulled up and honked at me, signaling my drivers arrival. I raised my hand in a brief wave then climbed into the backseat of the car. I gave the driver directions before turning my head to stare out the window towards the building.

I could see Deans small window with iron bars. Subconsciously, I placed my hand on my own window as the car pulled out of the parking lot. For a moment there, I almost thought that I had saw a glimpse of brown hair coming from his cells window.

I shook my head to myself and dropped my hand. Was this really it? I suppose I could just pack up all my things and leave. New town. New name. I can start all over again. Besides, it's not like I've never done it before.

The distance between Dean and I grew with each passing mile. My throat tightened up when I realized I was further away from him then I remember ever being. I frowned at my body's response. I barely knew the man! How did he manage to crawl underneath my skin the way he did?

"Sir?," the driver called out and I blinked quickly. How long had he been trying to get my attention?

"I'm sorry," I apologized while my cheeks burned with embarrassment. I handed him cash hen stepped out of the car. The car drove off and I stood silently in front of my lonely house. My car was in the driveway as if it hadn't been touched in at least a week.

I buried my hands in my pockets and walked towards the house. I stopped in my tracks. My door had been kicked in and off its hinges. "What the hell?" I whispered to myself as I inspected the broken door.

The last time I was here, I was leaving for work and in my own car. How the hell did my car get back and my door come off? I briefly wondered if I should call the police. No. They're never any help.

I stepped over the door and walked into the chaos that was my home. Papers were strewn everywhere, my table had been flipped over as well as the chairs. I gasped in horror at the scene. How long have I been out of it?

I stood gaping for a few minutes before turning around slowly to inspect the rest of the house. I let out a scream as Deans face came into my vision. I couldn't escape him. There were dozens of mugshots though out my wall along with one of another man that I could of sworn I've seen before.

I read the notes that accompanied the mugshots while I followed he red string from state to state. Then it hit me. That man. That was Sam Winchester. Deans little brother. I recall him from the night I woke up but I hadn't seen him since. Where did he go? The thought never bothered me enough to ask. Everything was just so confusing.

I backed up until my back hit the wall and I slid down I slowly. A tear rolled down my cheek as a choked up sob escaped my throat. This was it. All of those years of working at an insane asylum had finally got to me. I was going insane. Or I already was.

I gripped my hair with my hands and let out a yell. What was happening to me? Maybe Dean did this to me. He was everywhere and nowhere at the same time. No. That had to be my paranoia speaking. My mind sped with different thoughts as I tried to figure out what the fuck was going on.

A shrill ringing made me snap my head up quickly and look around until I realized the noise was coming from my pocket. I sniffled as I pulled my cell phone out not even bothering to look at the caller i.d.

"Hello?" I rasped into the phone. I closed my eyes tightly while rubbing my temple with my free hand. This day was getting too complicated.

"Castiel," a strong voice came from the other end. I opened my eyes slowly when I realized it was only Michael calling probably to harass me about leaving work early.

"What is it, Michael?" I asked with disdain evident in my tone.

"Raphael is worried about you. I'd also like to note that we found Dean Winchester still in cuffs in the room you were last in before leaving," he started to nag me.

I rolled my eyes and sighed. "I was feeling ill. Excuse me for not reporting it. As for Winchester, he can stay in that room forever for all I care," I commented but my chest tightened up at my own words.

"Dr. Novak, with all due respect, you cannot leave a patient detained and alone. Its illegal and grounds for suspension," Michael replied in a rough voice.

He was always doing this. Always acting like he was my superior. He was nothing to me. "You don't own me. How dare you act like everything's okay when you know the heinous crimes committed by Winchester. And who the hell are you to tell me what is and isn't grounds for suspension?" I spat out angrily.

"Its not up to you or I to decide the fate of Dean Winchester. I am there to make sure nothing else happens and you are there to heal him. He's a very sick man, Castiel. But I assume that you don't know the full truth," he said to me in a calm voice that made my blood boil. I hated this man.

"I know. Charlie has enlightened me on the truth," I snapped at him. I was tired of this stupid game. Wondering what Deans done or hasn't done.

"No, Cas. You need to know everything. Meet me in the basement at eleven p.m. tonight after lights out. There's something you need to see," he urged me.

I wanted to hang up. To smash my phone until there was nothing left but a small part of me was curious. Also, I just wanted this nightmare to end. I sighed deeply into the receiver as I pinched the bridge of my nose. If it would help clear everything up then I suppose I had no other option.

"I'll be there," I finally said before hanging up on him. What else could he possibly want me to see?

Also, the basement of all places? I wasn't sure if I wanted to be back there at all. Last time I was, I woke up with no memory of the past month. The thought still terrified me. Something dangerous had obviously taken place in my own home but I would never know.

It looked like there was a struggle. Someone had kicked down my door and perhaps kidnapped me. I wasn't completely sure. But it was the best idea I could conjure up for the time being.

I stood up on shaky legs and walked over to the wall with all the photographs and red string. I felt all the anger over the past few days bubble up inside me. It was begging for me to let it all out. Quickly, I began ripping everything off the wall and throwing it angrily to the floor.

I ripped the mugshots in half, tired of looking at dead green eyes. I knew what those eyes had seen. The last moments of many, many lives. The thought made my stomach turn in disgust. I wasn't just angry at him as I was myself. I hated myself for kissing a murderer. For falling so quick. I hated myself.

With everything ripped to shreds, I was beginning to feel a little better. My eyes wondered towards the broken door and I frowned. Well, that was another problem. A problem I'll save for another day. I ran a hand through my hair and grimaced at the gross feeling. Oh yes, I was in desperate need of a shower.

XXX

Gravel popped under my tires as I pulled into my workplace. I parked my car and sat silently for a few minutes while I debated on whether or not I should go in. Michael did sound like it was urgent. But then again, he always sounded like that. Everything was a ground breaking moment for him.

I groaned but pulled myself out of my car. All of this needed to end. Tonight. I was done playing games. No more cat and mouse games. No more wondering the truth. This was it. I was done.

I slid my employee key card into a slot then pulled the door open. The hallway was dim with no life. I always hated being here after lights out. I only did it if absolutely necessary. The paint was chipping off the walls and the fluorescent light above gave off an eerie noise.

My footsteps filled the air and I glanced at my watch to see if I was too early. It was five minutes past eleven which meant that I was actually late. I shrugged to myself as I brushed off the thought of Michael waiting in the basement alone. If it was really important than he could wait.

I called the elevator as I opted out of using the stairs. The elevator took its time opening up but it eventually did. I stepped in and crinkled my nose at the old dusty smell. This building was too damn old.

The elevator slowly took me down to the basement. It rattled as it came to a stop and the doors opened up even slower. I checked my watch again and saw it was now ten minutes past eleven. I was definitely in for an ear full from him.

I stepped out into the damp, dark basement and looked around for some source of light. I didn't see any. "Michael?" I called out as I slowly took an uneasy step forward.

No answer. I frowned. He told me to meet him here but now he's not even here. Figures. But still, I couldn't help this awful feeling that had all of a sudden washed over me. Something wasn't right. "Michael? I'm here like you told me to be," I called out a little louder.

I heard a dragging noise come from a room behind me. I recognized the room as the storage room that I woke up in previously. I furrowed my brow but snapped my head in that direction. My body turned as well as I began to walk towards the room.

"If you're trying to scare me, it's not going to work," I said with agitation. Maybe he was trying to pay me back for being late.

Again, no answer. But I could hear shuffling coming from the room. I pulled out my cell phone and flipped on the flashlight to see better. There was a shadow in the room bent over and looked to be pulling on something.

I frowned and crept closer as my flashlight guided me. "I know I'm late. I just wasn't sure if I wanted to hear what you had to say. After all, Dean Winchester can be-," I stopped in my tracks as my phone lit up the room.

Deans face was glowing under the light. But that wasn't what stopped me. Blood was smeared from his forehead to his jaw. And it wasn't his blood. My mouth went slack as all my words escaped me in that moment.

"Dean Winchester can be what?" he asked me with a smile. His teeth were unusually white with the contrast of red next to them. It was unsettling to see.

"Um, I-," I stuttered willing myself to say something. To have some sort of power going on. But I had nothing.

My eyes casted down as I took in the scene before me. Michael laid on his back on the cement floor. His head twisted in an unforgivable way but his throat. It was cut. Blood was everywhere. On the floor, the wall and covering up most of his body.

My eyes went wide as I dropped my phone/flashlight. I scattered backwards until my back hit a wall and I let out a scream. "Someone help me!" I cried out.

The flashlight casted a light to the ceiling and I watched as Dean slowly stepped forward into the light. "No one can hear your screams," he said menacingly as he continued to step forward.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked as a tear rolled down my face. I was scared.

Dean finally approached me as his hand reached out to cover my mouth. His other hand rubbed my head and hair. "Shh," he hushed me, "He was getting in the way. And he wanted what was mine."

I screamed against his hand and received only a chuckle in response. "You'll never learn, will you?" he asked mostly to himself.

His hand let go of my hair and began to run down my cheek. Maybe in an attempt to sooth me. I wasn't sure. "You were supposed to lose your mind with that little experiment," he said in thought as his eyes burned into mine.

I struggled against his grip but I was no match for him. "All you did was lose your memory which has made it pretty damn hard to keep my plan in action. This calls for something drastic, don't you think?" he questioned as he pulled me into his body.

He rested his chin on my head and I attempted to push him off but he was just too strong for me. "I'm going to make you all better. I'm going to take you somewhere you can be yourself. Its time to let your other side shine. You're going to the white room," he said matter of factly.

My eyes nearly popped out of my head and my struggling became more intense. I couldn't go there. I refused. Dean wrapped his arms tightly around my body to male sure I couldn't move and sighed.

"You see, your little boss thinks you're going out of town to visit your family for the next two weeks. It was just my luck that you decided to run out of the facility today. I can conjure it up to a family emergency if you will. As for Michael, well let's just say that he left work and never came back," he nearly cooed.

I allowed tears to freely flow down my face while his hand continued to stay over my mouth. He withdrew his chin from my head and tilted my head up with his finger so I could look at him properly. "No need to cry, angel. This is all for the greater good," he assured me.

I closed my eyes tightly and sniffled against his hand. When I opened them back up a few seconds later, I was greeted by a rag coming down on my face.

I quickly breathed in the scent of chloroform as I screamed. My screams became quieter as the drug began to work immediately. "When you're in there, you'll think of me. You'll think of how I'm the only one that saved you from yourself. And when you're out, you'll truly be mine," he said as my eyes became heavier and heavier.

I fell limp in his arms and drifted off to sleep. I dreamt of green eyes and sinister grins.

XXX

I awoke in a daze. My eyes burned as a bright light engulfed me. Slowly, I opened my eyes and rubbed the sleepiness out of them. Where was I? I looked down and noticed that I had been changed into a pair of dark grey scrubs. I frowned as I softly touched the rough material.

My vision began to come back to me and I sat up to get a good look around. Oh, God, no. I couldn't be in here. I couldn't be. Everywhere I turned, the walls were a bright white. I kicked one wall and cried out in frustration when I realized this was real. The walls were soft to prevent any type of self harm.

I ran to the door and began to pound on it with all my might. "Help!" I screamed out, willing for anyone to hear me. I didn't belong here.

When no answer came, I brought myself down into a sitting position on the floor and began to rock myself back and forth. I was about to lose my mind.


	11. Chapter 11

**Mindset**

White. No matter where I looked I was sure to see nothing but white. The fluorescent light above my head did nothing to help the ringing in my ears. It flickered every so often and always made my eye twitch right along with it. I hated it.

I've been in here for 72 hours now. Sometimes when I wasn't looking at the door, a tray of food would slip by. I think it was Dean who would always bring it to me but I was never paying attention well enough. So far, I was faring better than others before me who had to suffer through this inhumane method.

I had been leaning against the soft wall next to the door for a while now. My hand ached from beating and screaming for God knows how long. My throat burned and I wasn't sure if my voice would even work anymore.

My eyes finally gave in after hours of fighting sleep. I felt myself slip further into unconsciousness. An image of myself falling into a deep, dark pit surfaced in my mind. I landed harshly on a hardwood floor hen sat up slowly while taking in my surroundings.

I rubbed the back of my head where I landed even though I couldn't feel much of anything. I felt as if I knew where I was. The overbearing feeling of familiarity was seeping further into my mind. "What the?-" I said lowly as I stood to my feet. Home. I was home. At least what home used to be. It was my childhood bedroom in Illinois. My twin bed sat in front of me neatly made. Except something was weird. My adolescent self was sitting on top of it with a book in my lap.

"Hey!" I shouted loudly while I waved my arms wildly. This had to be some kind of mind fuck. Or a dream. Did I fall asleep? I couldn't remember.

My younger self never looked up. Instead, he continued to flip through the textbook. I frowned as I watched him, I mean me, deep in thought. I briefly wondered when this day was as I recalled constantly being in this position alone.

Suddenly, a bang sounded throughout the house. "Naomi! Naomi! Get your ass up!" a shout I remembered all too well resonated to my old room. I watched as my younger self rolled his eyes while brushing off the seriousness of what was about to occur.

More screams and yelling came from the living room until who was once Jimmy pushed himself off the bed to see what was going on. Of course, my younger self thought it was like every other time before. She was just sleeping off a high is what I would tell myself.

I followed the younger boy out into the living room and stood next to myself. The man yelled at me before running out of the house. I frowned when my fifteen year old self walked over to my long dead mother and attempted to shake her awake but it was futile. Eventually, I gave up and sat numbly on the dirty couch. I sat down next to myself while I looked down at my mother's body.

I always tried not to think about this day. It was the worst and the best day of my life although I was always sure I was missing a few details from it. It was as if my brain deleted some of the memories. I did recall sitting here for a few hours in silence so I might as well get comfortable.

I leaned back into the couch then tried to place my hand on the younger me's shoulder but my hand fell right off as if I was transparent. Then I reminded myself that none of this was real either way.

"What am I supposed to do now?" a small voice asked out loud next to me. I furrowed my brow and tilted my head towards myself. I didn't remember talking for a while.

"You move on. This is the chance you've been waiting for," a voice said from across the room. That silky smooth voice rang familiarly through my ears.

My head shot up quickly as I looked across the room. Dean sat in a rickety wooden chair with one leg crossed over the other and an arm draped across the back of it casually. Dean?

I stood up immediately. "What the hell have you done to me?! Why are you here?!" I screamed loudly. I could sense the veins on my neck popping out and heat begin to rise to my face.

Dean ignored me if he had even heard me and continued to look curiously at my younger self. How did I not remember any of this? "What is moving on? My mother is dead. She's all I had left," I spoke sadly from the couch.

Dean shook his head. "No. She's what you were. She was holding you back and keeping you from everything," he said.

Younger me shrugged lightly. "I guess you're right. I just don't know where to start," I said in a shaky breath.

Dean rubbed his chin thoughtfully as a smile played on his lips. "Just what are you?! Leave me alone!" I continued to scream as I neared his smug face.

Deans eyes flickered to mine for half a second before landing on the me on the couch. That bastard. I knew he could see me.

"Grab a shovel and bury her in the backyard. No one will come looking for her. No one will care," he instructed carefully.

My younger self nodded along with his plan as a wide smile spread across my lips. I stood up off the couch and looked down at my deceased mother. "Thank you. How do I ever repay you?" myself asked the mysterious man on the chair.

"Don't worry. We'll see each other soon enough," he said with a sly wink before he stood up.

He walked over to Jimmy and tapped him lightly on the forehead with two fingers. "When you awake in the morning, you will no longer remember me. Get the job done," he spoke sternly.

Jimmy nodded as he swallowed down an uncomfortable lump. "But who are you? How did you get in here?" he questioned, still a bit confused.

Dean shook his head as a gentle smile graced his face. "I'm a friend," he replied before turning his back to Jimmy and walking out of the house.

"Dean! Hey!" I found myself screaming as I ran after him. I pushed the half broken front door open and stopped in my tracks. It was Illinois but it wasn't. A black mass swirled around my front yard and showed no sign of my old neighborhood. It was like my house was floating somewhere in the universe.

I stood in the open doorway with my mouth hanging open. Dean was gone. I had nowhere else to go but back inside the house. It was as if I was a prisoner. But maybe I was just in my own head.

It's ironic, isn't it? I'm a psychologist but yet this man has made me a prisoner in my own mind. I walked back into the house to see that Jimmy was no longer around. But my mother's body was now on the couch. I looked closer and could see how her chest moved up and down with each breath. She was alive!

"How the-" I started to ask until she began moving. I watched with wide eyes as she popped open a pill bottle and shoved most of them into her mouth.

"Mom!" I called out but she couldn't hear me. No one could hear me.

When I realized there was nothing else for me to do, I tore my eyes away from my dying mother and walked into my old bedroom. There I was. Like before. Sitting on my bed and studying the same damn book.

Everything that happened next felt like a blur. It was all too fast for me to process but I still knew what was happening. The man screaming in the living room, my cold stance as I looked down at my deceased mother, the man running out, me sitting down, Dean telling me what to do then finally dragging my mother out the back door.

Then it happened again before I could even think about it. Mom swallowing pills, me studying, a man screaming, indifference towards her death, a savior telling me what to do, taking her away. It happened again and again and again.

I was feeling nauseated. Here was nothing left for me to do but watch on as my nightmare played over and over again. "Stop!" I screamed as loudly as I could while my hands gripped my hair. "Make it stop!" I cried.

Then everything stopped. I looked at the scene before me. Jimmy was sitting on the couch with eyes downcast. Dean sat directly across from my younger self with a satisfied smirk plastered across his face. It was as if they were all frozen. No movement. Only silence.

I fell to my knees and gasped out loud when I saw Dean in a different light. He was brighter now than he was before. He seemed to have a hero complexity about him. I wanted nothing more than to throw my arms around him and thank him over again.

"You saved me," I whispered to him.

Suddenly, his head turned towards me as a smile overtook his face. He stood up and walked at a menacing pace towards me but I didn't feel fear. In fact, it felt comforting to have him come closer.

"I did," he spoke evenly.

"I don't know where I would be if you didn't tell me what to do. Maybe I'd be- I'd be dead," I said with unbelievably wide eyes as every realization hit me like a freight train.

"Maybe," Dean replied with a shrug of his shoulders. He stopped in front of me and held out a hand for me to take.

I looked at it then back up him until he nodded firmly at me. I tightened my lips into a straight line then took his offering hand. He easily pulled me up to my feet then placed a calloused hand on my cheek.

"Remember this. I am the one who saved you from yourself. I protected you from this bad world. You need me now. I'm the only one who can protect you," he said while staring into my eyes.

I nodded along as he spoke. Yes. He's my savior. I owe him my life now. I knew in that moment that I would do anything for this man. It was my turn to protect him and God help anyone who tried to take him away from me.

Dean leaned in closer until I could feel his hot breath on my lips. I closed my eyes when I thought he would kiss me. Instead his mouth moved past my lips and stopped near my ear. "Time to wake up now," he whispered.

I gasped loudly as I sat up quickly. Damn it was bright. Too bright. I held my hand up to the light in an attempt to block it out. White. Everything was white. Still.

"Dean!" I cried out as my fists banged in a futile effort against the wall. Tears were streaming down my face as I realized how alone I was. I just wanted Dean. No. I needed Dean.

"Why are you crying, angel?" a sweet, sultry voice asked from behind me.

My mouth dropped with excitement the instant I recognized that melodic voice. I whipped my head around quickly to see Dean sitting cross legged on the other side of the compacted room.

I crawled to him as fast as I could and threw my arms around him in relief. "You're here. You're really here," I cried with joy. I wasn't alone anymore. Dean was here and he always will be.

"Of course I'm here. Now you see the truth," he purred while a hand rubbed up and down my back.

"I do. I realize everything now. Please don't leave me," I begged into his chest as my tears soaked into his shirt.

"I would never," he promised firmly. He took my shoulders in his hands and pried me off of him gently. Still holding onto my shoulders, he gazed into my eyes to make sure I was paying attention.

"Cas, are you listening?" he asked slowly.

I nodded even though my mind was still feeling a bit hazy. I didn't question how he was here or how he was in my home all those years ago. I only knew that he was my savior and I'd follow him anywhere.

"I need you to do something for me."


	12. Chapter 12

**To serve**

"Anything, Dean. I'd do anything for you," I said seriously as my eyes gazed into his.

A smile pulled at Deans lips. "I know you will," he replied. There was a hint of smugness in his tone but I didn't even give it a second thought.

He waited a few moments as if he was pondering something. He leaned closer to me and cupped his mouth a few inches away from my ear with his hand. He whispered his request to me then pulled away while gauging my reaction.

I nodded without another wasted second. We both knew that I would agree to anything this man asked of me. "I can do it," I promised with earnest eyes.

Dean smiled widely at my acceptance of his request. He seemed proud but I wasn't completely sure. It felt as if all my emotions had fused together. It was difficult to decipher now.

I looked down at my hands quickly then flickered my eyes back up to him but I was only met with a white wall in his place. "Dean?" I whispered searching around the enclosed room frantically. He was gone.

Panic rose up in my chest quickly as the fear of being alone settled within me. Before I could have a freak out, a voice in my mind reassured me. 'He'll be back,' the foreign voice I've yet to hear in my mind spoke loudly.

I frowned to myself but nodded anyway. Of course he would be back. He said he'd protect me. I wrapped my arms around my folded legs then leaned my back against the uncomfortable wall. Thoughts of Dean plagued my mind as I awaited his return.

XXX

Time meant nothing. I wasn't sure if I had been in here for days, weeks or months. Everything faded together. Dean would pop up every once in a while but the would disappear just as quick. The only thing he would leave behind is a promise that we would be together very soon.

I found myself with my head in my hands while I rocked back and forth comfortingly. I faintly heard the sound of a door opening but I ignored it. "Cas," a gruff voice sounded from above me. I kept my head down.

"Cas, look at me," the voice demanded and finally I looked up at my savior.

Dean frowned and seemed to take a step back. Maybe he was put off on my distraught appearance. He composed himself just as quick then knelt over to wrap an arm around my shoulders. He lifted me to my feet with ease.

"You're thin," he pointed out with displeasure clear in his tone.

"You never told me I could eat," I replied weakly as he dragged me out of the room I had been living in for however long.

His lips tightened in a firm line. I let him walk me to wherever we were going while my head sagged onto his shoulder. I didn't bother to look up until he opened another door. I lifted my head tiredly and looked around.

"Where are we, Dean?" I asked as I looked around the foreign room. I felt like maybe I knew it but nothing was coming to mind.

"We're in your office, Angel. Don't you remember?" he asked me with concern filling g his face.

I frowned as I tried to remember this part of my life. "My office?" I asked slowly while trying to take it all in.

Dean nodded while he pushed us the rest of the way in then closed the door behind us. He led me to the desk chair then slowly sat me down in it. He placed a strong hand on my shoulder and forced me to look up at him. My eyes lazily drifted up to his as I visibly swallowed.

"Cas, remember. Remember everything before the white room. You are Dr. Castiel Novak. You work here at Kansas State mental institution for the criminally insane. I am your patient," he spoke slowly and the words seemed to flow through me in a state of comfort.

I looked away from him and placed my head in my hands. Then like a ton of bricks I remembered who I was. I stood up quickly and felt his hand slip from my shoulder.

"Easy, Angel. I don't want you getting light headed," he whispered soothingly.

I stared at him for a minute before throwing my arms around his neck and pulling him into a tight hug. "Oh, thank you, Dean. Thank you. Thank you. I wouldn't have this life without you," I cried happily into his chest.

He was the only reason I got to go after my dream job and not get stuck in Illinois. He was everything to me. My smile widened as I thought about the day he saved me.

Dean stiffened under my touch but gently ran a hand down my back. "Yes, well… you're welcome," he replied. I thought I could hear confusion in his voice but I opted to ignore it.

He pushed ,y shoulders gently then made me sit down once more. He pulled the chair on the opposite side of my desk out then sat in it. "Cas, before this goes on, we need to go over a few things," he spoke sternly as if he was on a mission.

I nodded along even though I wasn't completely sure what we needed to talk about. I understood everything now. I only felt mildly embarrassed for the way I treated him in the past as if he was some sort of criminal.

"Tell me what happened in the white room," he requested while staring into my eyes.

I tilted my head to the side in confusion. "Don't you know? You were there," I pointed out.

A look of wonder flashed across Deans face before he nodded at my statement. "Of course I knew. I just wanted to hear it in your own words," he replied while leaning in closer to the desk.

Our hands were a few inches away from each other and I took it upon myself to close the distance. My fingers intertwined with his as I smiled happily at him. Dean seemed shocked for a moment before accepting my touch and running his thumb over my hand.

We spent the next hour discussing everything that happened in the room. Dean seemed surprised when I told him that I enjoyed his company every now and then. I wanted to ask him why he didn't seem to believe me but I held myself back. I wasn't supposed to question Dean.

I learned that I had been in there for two weeks. It wasn't nearly as long as I had originally thought and some part of me was actually missing the familiarity of the white room. I frowned at the thought of liking solitary.

Later, Dean picked me up in his arms bridal style with little to no effort. Maybe I had lost some weight during my time away. The halls of the facility were empty and Dean made sure to avoid any hallway that held cells.

He pushed open a large door with his foot and carried me into the shower area. I furrowed my brow at him but decided to say nothing. There was a stack of neatly folded clothes along with everything I needed to shower. It was as if Dean had planned this all along,

I decided to say nothing even as he stripped me of my clothing and turned on the hot water. The water felt wonderful against my skin. I couldn't remember my last shower and the thought sent a chill down my spine. When did I become so uncaring?

Dean ran a rag under the cascading water then proceeded to rub soap onto it before running along my body. I couldn't deny that the feeling was like no other as electricity shot through me at the slightest brush of his fingertips on my exposed skin.

"Lean your head back," he instructed me and I immediately complied.

My head tingle as he massaged the shampoo then conditioner into my hair. His hand brushed along my wet forehead when my hair got stuck to it. I suppressed a moan every time he touched me. My body was in Heaven as every knot, stress and tension was alive under the water and Deans hands.

All too soon, the water turned off and I found Dean wrapping a soft towel around me then drying my hair off with another one. I couldn't find it in me to feel embarrassed that he had seen me naked. It felt right.

Dean let go of the towel on my head and threw it into a soiled linens basket nearby. He gently lifted his hand and moved a stray hair that had dropped in front of my eye. My breath caught in my throat as his eyes drifted down to mine.

His hand moved from my forehead down to my cheek as he caressed me gently. He took a hold of my face with a soft touch before bringing my lips to his in a ghost of a kiss.

My eyes closed at the feel even though it wasn't much. The sensation of feeling his hot breath on my neck was enough to make me swoon. I briefly wondered if this was really happening. I found myself asking that question more often lately.

Then his hands were in my hair and his lips had crashed onto mine in a feeling of need. My legs wobbled underneath me and I grabbed his shirt for support. Deans tongue licked my lip in a request for entrance which I immediately granted. Our tongues clashed together while Dean backed me into a wall.

He stopped suddenly and pulled away until his nose was almost touching mine. His face twisted as if he was in some sort of pain. "I want you but I can't have you," he whispered almost as if he was talking to himself.

My chest huffed up and down as I tried to control my breathing. What did he mean by that? "You can have me, Dean," I attempted to assure him with half lidded eyes that were practically begging him to touch me.

Dean let out a wavering sigh as if he was fighting some kind of internal battle with himself before ultimately letting me go and backing away. I immediately missed his touch. "I can't," he spoke as his voice cracked.

I shook my head. "Yes you can," I wanted to fight him on this but somehow I knew he wouldn't hear what I had to say.

"I cant be anymore selfish with you than I've already been," he said as that look of pain overtook his face.

I reached out my hand to comfort him but he took another step back. I frowned but said nothing as I watched him watch me with my back still against the cold hard wall.

Dean finally sighed then tossed me a fresh change of clothes. It was my old suit along with my doctors coat. I stayed silent even as Dean turned away from me so I could change privately even though he had just showered me.

I changed without another word of protest then coughed awkwardly when I was finished. Dean turned around and a soft smile graced his features. He took me by the hand and walked me back to my office.

Once inside, he closed and locked the door. He sighed once again as I took a seat at my desk. I was unsure of what to do now and seeing Dean like this made my heart hurt. I wanted to ask him what was bothering him but knew he wouldn't give me any real answers.

Dean glanced at the digital clock on my desk and his demeanor changed. He straightened his back and looked determined. "Its almost seven which means guards are going to be making their rounds soon so I need to go," he said.

Panic rose up quickly in my chest. He was leaving? "Don't go, Dean. I don't know what to do without you," I replied with fear set in my eyes.

Dean smiled then softly ran his hand down my face. "I know, Angel. But if we both want to get out of here then we need to act like everything is normal. You just got back from seeing your family in Illinois and you're going to act completely normal. I am still your patient. Get where I'm going with this?" he questioned me.

I turned my head to the side and watched as the morning light slipped through my window. I looked back at him and nodded. "I understand," I said in a monotonous voice.

Deans smile faltered a bit before he pulled himself back together. He bent over and placed his lips on my forehead. He then stood up and walked to my door as he unlocked it and looked over his shoulder at me. "Good because we have work to do."


	13. Chapter 13

**Something bad**

"Dr. Novak, I'm pleased to see you back," Raphael beamed at me which was unusual for him.

I nodded and managed an unsuspecting smile back at him. "Thank you, sir. I enjoyed my time in… Illinois," I replied.

"I'm glad. Now, listen. Michael went missing a few weeks ago. Maybe he just walked off the job. I understand the kind of mental toll working in this place can have but it just doesn't seem like him to do something like that," he said as he rubbed his chin in thought.

I opened my mouth to say something but felt the words in my throat when I saw Dean appear behind Raphael. My boss took no notice of him. "Tell him everything's fine," he demanded with an even tone.

I nodded and noticed the odd look Raphael was giving me. Couldn't he see Dean as well? Why wasn't he forcing him back to his cell? I frowned but shrugged my shoulders. "They don't last long around here. I'm sure he's fine," I tried to assure him.

Raphael furrowed his brow at me while I felt the strong urge to question him about it. I glanced over his shoulder to ask Dean but he had disappeared once more. My head fogged over and it felt like something was clawing at my brain. I grit my teeth as I brought my hands up to my head.

Raphael grabbed my shoulder before I could fall to the cold floor. "Castiel!" he called to me but it sounded like I was underwater and far, far away from here. I closed my eyes as an unfamiliar scene began to play out in front of me.

I was looking at myself leaning on the wall just outside my office. Two police officers rounded the corner as they carried a prisoner along with them. A new one if the reactions of the other prisoners was anything to go by.

The prisoner lifted his head and I could only watch on in slow motion as he locked eyes with my doppelganger. My pulse quickened when I suddenly felt myself hit with many different emotions. I remember this. It wasn't foreign. It was the day I met Dean. Or officially met him.

I opened my eyes quickly and gasped for air as if I had been drowning. Raphael was still at my side with a look of concern and Charlie was standing over me now as well. My hearing slowly came back after a few moments of a dull ringing in my ears.

"…Cas! Dr. Novak! What's going on?" Charlie asked while waving a travel sized flashlight between each eye.

I pushed her hand out of my face then accepted Raphael's help to stand back onto his feet. They fussed over me while I regained all my senses. I held a hand up to silence them and sighed. "I'm fine," I lied.

I was actually far from it. My head hurt and I had no idea where that memory came from but I remembered it. It was real. That I could tell. I became his doctor that day. I just wished I could remember what happened after that.

"What happened?," Charlie asked with a frown. Her eyes were wild with concern and I felt grateful that she even cared but I couldn't tell her the truth. Obviously.

"My headaches seem to be getting worse," I replied. It wasn't a lie but it wasn't the complete truth either.

"Come by later today and I'll help you out," she said before sharing a look with Raphael.

Raphael shifted awkwardly. It was the first time I had ever seen him look unsure of himself and it was unsettling. "Are you sure you're fine? I could give you the day off although I do have that rather urgent case I wanted you to give me notes on," he spoke as if he was giving me the option but I knew he wasn't.

"I'm fine," I repeated with a little more annoyance. "I can do it, sir," I assured him.

Charlie glanced at me once more before turning on her heel and walking back to her own office. I let out a breath I wasn't aware I had been holding then looked back at my boss.

"Well, if you're absolutely positive then I'd like to inform you about the new break in the Winchester case," he nearly beamed.

My mouth dropped slightly at the news. "Wait. That's my case. Who's been working it?" I questioned with a stern frown. I didn't want anyone else on his case. It was mine. He was mine.

"I have in your absence," he answered quickly while pulling out a notepad from his coats pocket.

"I also noticed that you've failed to write any real reports on his progress. You know that's not the way we do protocol around here. I need updates with every session," he scolded me.

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and to walk away. I planted my feet down firmly while I managed a blank face. "I understand, sir. What's the big break?," I asked curiously. I was finding it incredibly difficult to remain professional when all I wanted to do was jump him for his newfound information.

Raphael eyed me before letting out a sigh. He handed me the clipboard he had been holding in his hands. I nearly snatched it away from him as eyes roamed the pages. "He confessed?" I asked with bewilderment. I knew Dean did it but I didn't want him to be imprisoned for the rest of his life.

Raphael nodded curtly. "Yes. I got the confession out of him on tape," he beamed proudly.

My face heated up considerably. "So, what now?," I asked with dread in my heart. I can't let them take Dean away. I need him.

"Actually, his court date has been expedited. You will be testifying on his behalf as you are his primary doctor. I trust that you will do the right thing," he said with as his eyes glared into mine.

I swallowed down the heavy feeling lodged in my throat but nodded at his words. "Yes. I will do the right thing," I agreed with him. My eyes wavered from the clipboard as my mind wondered what the right thing is.

Raphael smiled tightly and slapped my shoulder lightly. "Excellent. I will notify you when I find out more details," he said before turning on his heel and walking back to his office.

My feet carried me back to my own even though my mind was tin the right place. When was the last time my mind was? I found myself missing the white room along with my seclusion. Facing reality was like a kick to the face. I missed being alone. Just me and Dean. He was all I needed in the world. I would get him out of this.

XxX

"I'm just saying it's strange that the guy never came back to work," Gabriel chatted mindlessly into my ear while we rode the elevator up to my session.

I shrugged my shoulders without care. "I'm sure he's fine," I commented even though my head wasn't in the conversation. I could care less about where Michael ran off to. There was no point in keeping him in my thoughts.

"Yeah. I guess. Its just weird. This whole thing is weird," Gabriel replied as his hand scratched the back of his head in thought.

I turned slightly towards him curiously. "What's weird? I mean, people quit without notice all the time. I'd hardly say it's conversation worthy," I pointed out.

Gabe looked around as the elevator opened then stepped out. He waited for me to follow him and leaned in closer to me. "Hasn't this whole place been different since Winchester came?," Gabe asked for my opinion. His eyes were wide and he looked afraid to even say Deans name out loud.

I furrowed my brow and shook my head at his thought. "Its no more weirder than it was before. I don't understand why everyone is so quick to push the blame on Dean. He did nothing wrong!," I nearly screamed out.

Gabe paled at my outburst and moved away from me. "Hey, that's not what I'm saying. I'm sorry for implying that. I wasn't aware you were so close to this patient. Remember, that's what he is, Cas. A patient," he repeated with a nod of his head and an intense look in his eye.

I rolled my eyes and pushed my way past him. "Of course I know that. Who's the doctor here?," I asked angrily with bitterness in my voice.

Gabe frowned but raised his hands in defeat. "I'm just looking out for you. He's dangerous," he said as if that statement would make any difference in the world.

"As is every other patient here. Now, please do your job and I will do mine," I scoffed then pushed open the door to the session room.

The heavy door slammed shut behind me and my footsteps filled the room like usual. Dean sat at the cold table with a bored expression plastered all over his face. His eyes looked up to mine the moment I pulled my chair out and sat the clipboard on the table between us.

"Angel," he breathed out in what sounded like relief.

"Dean," I replied with a small smile. My hand reached for his as his did the same. The handcuffs around his wrists stopped him before he could get too close. I frowned at the imprisonment.

"Raphael says I need to take notes on you," I said with a hint of sadness.

"So, take notes. Make sure you write down how dreamy you think I am," he teased while his eyes lit up. I briefly wondered what was really going through his head.

I said nothing as I clicked my pen and wrote down a couple of disinterested notes that I knew Raphael would find boring. I wanted to confront him about confessing. Of course, the police had evidence which is why he was here in the first place. We were never his permanent home. We were just a holding cell for him until his trial.

But now that was over. He confessed. He would either get life in prison far away from here or be transferred to the top maximum security mental facility in the country. He would be gone soon.

"What would you do for me, Angel?," Dean asked suddenly, breaking me from my depressing thoughts.

"For you?," I repeated his question for clarity.

A small smile graced his lips as he nodded in confirmation. His eyes searched mine for a hint of what I was going to say. He was nervous for my answer.

"I would cross the line. I would throw away everything I've built. I would lose my mind for you. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you," I said honestly. I could feel my heart swell with a foreign emotion. I brushed it off and instead stared back at him with the same intense gaze.

His eyes traveled over my expression before down casting towards the rest of me. Ever so slowly, they raked back up into my gaze. "They say I've gone too far this time," he said after a few dead seconds.

"Who?," I asked with a deep frown.

"Sam. He said I shouldn't have done what I did to you," he replied as if he were telling me about the weather outside.

I tilted my head at this. "What did you do to me?," I asked in confusion. I didn't understand what he was talking about. I wasn't even sure who 'Sam' was.

"This," he said simply. It wasn't an answer but I knew Dean wasn't going to elaborate any further. He never did.

"How many times have you done this?," I found my mouth asking before my brain could process the words. I snapped my jaw shut and looked at him in worry. I hoped he wouldn't snap at me.

"I've broken out of prison, yes," Dean answered without really answering. He was good at that.

"Did you kill Michael?," I asked with a small frown. My mouth seemed to be the one in control today. I wasn't sure where my questions were coming from but I wasn't going to take them back now.

Dean chuckled as his shoulders shook. He nodded once and smiled with his teeth. He stopped smiling when all I could do was frown at him. "I don't regret it one bit cause he had it coming," he said seriously.

"How could you, Dean?," I asked incredulously. I wasn't mad but I wasn't happy either. I knew Dean Winchester was all blood and no guilt but the thought didn't settle right with me even though I was devoted to him.

Deans face flashed with sudden anger. "Listen, Cas. You may not know this cause you've lived a sheltered life but this is the way the fucking world works. You have to leave before you get left. Do you understand me?," he questioned me with a scowl forming on his beautiful features.

I thought his words over and nodded in understanding. "Yes. Thank you for clarifying" I replied with a knot forming tightly in my stomach.

"I'd do it over and over again too," he said with a twisted smile.

"I'll do it," I nearly shouted. I felt like the silent room was too loud. The voices inside my head wouldn't leave me alone and in that moment I felt like screaming at the top of my lungs. Anything to get rid of them.

"You'll do what, Angel?," Dean asked with a smirk. My eyes dropped down to the table and to the clipboard in front of me. "Say it," Dean demanded with killer intent.

I looked back up into the abyss. "I'll break you out of here."


	14. Chapter 14

**Follow me down**

Dean and I had a way about us that made it easy for us to communicate without words. Every time I passed him in the hallways, he would nod simply at me and I already knew it was time to meet up with him in secret. Today, I didn't see him.

He said he had a plan. He always had plans. I was always kept in the dark although it didn't bother me as much as it should have. He had officially been a prisoner for four months. According to him, it's been the longest that a cell could hold him. He needed me just as much as I needed him.

I went over Deans file for the fifth time that day. It had the same information as before but it just wasn't adding up. What type of person just kills at random? And thirty people at that. He was a monster. The textbook definition of the word monster.

But I couldn't get myself to agree to what the file said. I've experienced his softer side first hand. Yet, I knew what he was fully capable of. Maybe I was being naïve but I didn't care. He wasn't a monster in my world. He was a man doing what he had to do in order to survive.

My head began to throb horrendously causing me to put my head inside my hands. I groaned in pain and shut my eyes tightly. This is just what I needed today. It felt like a movie was playing in my mind. It seemed like a memory I couldn't recall. Was my mind producing false memories? I was in the cafeteria with Michael by my side. It felt as if I was watching myself from a distance.

Dean was across he room at a lonely table. He stood up quickly with a plastic sport in hand then walked over to the first guy to come into contact with him. He brought the sport back before ramming it into the man's eye. Blood poured out of the wound as the man hands found the makeshift weapon. The screams were enough to haunt me.

Suddenly, prisoners began punching each other then a mild riot broke out. Gabriel was pulling the injured man away as I stared in horror. Gunshots rang out through the area. I dropped my head until Dean ran over and grabbed me by arm while pulling me out of the room.

My eyes opened quickly as I gasped loudly. How could I not remember that? It seemed so real. Oh God, I was surely going crazy. My head pounded in an unbearable way. With shaky hands, I opened my top drawer and pulled out the pills that Charlie had prescribed to me then popped a few into my mouth.

My headache immediately subsided and I let out a sigh of relief. It reminded me of the one I had gotten a month earlier while speaking with Raphael. A scary thought entered my mind. I quickly pulled out a small notepad and wrote down the memory I had in the hallway. Then, I wrote the new memory right under it.

Had I lost my memory? Or maybe just my mind? I frowned and closed the offending notepad. I needed to get back to work. This place was starting to make my mind go.

XxX

Dean had nodded today. It meant he was ready to see me. I was so excited and nervous to finally see the man who had been haunting my thoughts for the past few weeks. Our sessions had simmered down since the courts still hadn't chosen a date. I knew it was coming soon though.

I sat patiently at my desk and waited for the secret knock. I glanced down at my clock and noted that the time was a little after one in the morning. It was our usual meeting time since the guards finished doing their rounds for the night. Dean was a little open but some things he refused to tell me.

Like how he managed to get out of his cell. He would tell me that some things were meant to stay secrets. I scratched my chin at rhetorically thought and was pulled out of my daze at the rhythm of soft knocks. I smiled softly then did my best to fix my frazzled hair that was surely sticking up everywhere.

"Come in," I called loud enough for him to hear.

The door swung open followed by Dean walking in with his hands casually in his pockets. His face broke into a wide smile at the sight of me. He tore his gaze away for a moment so he could close the door then lock it like we usually did.

I stood up from my desk and greeted him with a gentle hug. My arms wrapped around his neck as my face buried itself into his chest. Deans arms folded across my waist as he held me close. I cherished the moments like this.

"I missed you," I said after a few minutes of silent contemporary.

"I missed you more," Dean replied back as his voice cracked on the last word.

"Not possible," I said with defiance and a shake of my head. Dean chuckled causing his chest to vibrate against my cheek.

His finger tilted my chin up to look into his eyes that could mesmerize anyone. I felt like they could lead me to my death and the crazy part was that I would let them. He ducked his head down towards me and placed his lips gently on mine.

I reveled in the feeling for a few selfish moments before pulling away and sitting on the desk. "Are you finally ready to tell me what you need me to do for you?," I asked him with hope in my voice. I was tired of him giving me the run around. If I was going to really do this, he needed to open up to me finally.

"I need you to get a gun," he said with a smirk as he leaned on the wall across from my desk.

I chuckled at his request but said nothing as I rose from my seat then walked around to one of my drawers. I slid it open and dug under the files I kept there to keep my possession hidden from plain view. I grabbed the gun before closing the drawer then holding it higher with the barrel pointed to the ceiling to show him.

Deans face faltered before a sinister smile overtook his expression. "You surprise me, Angel," he spoke honestly.

"Its for protection," I replied with a casual shrug of my shoulders. You could never be too safe when working around a bunch of criminals.

"From guys like me?," Dean question with curiosity gleaming in his bright green eyes.

My eyes shot to the floor as I put the gun back where it belonged. I nodded at his question. It was he truth and I knew that Dean didn't take to kindly to me not being truthful with him.

I heard a sharp intake of breath from in front of me. "I know we were in two separate world's before but I thought I fixed that problem, Cas," he said as if I had hurt his feelings.

I frowned. Dean didn't have feelings. Or at least any that I could see. He was just someone who was in it for the games. "You did," I spoke quietly as if I was afraid to set him off. But that was the old me. Now, I didn't care whether or not he snapped. I actually wanted him to. But I couldn't let him know that.

A finger tilted my chin up and forced my eyes to look into his. "I'm not going to hurt you. I would never do that. I promise," he whispered softly as he held out his pinky finger.

I didn't know if he was telling the truth but I didn't care. He had me wrapped around the exact finger he was holding out to me. I lifted my own pinky finger and smiled when he twisted our fingers together in a silent swear. "You and me against the world," he said with his own smile to match mine.

"You and me against the world," I repeated back. He brought his lips down to our intertwined fingers and gently kissed them. It was his way of sealing his 'promise' to me.

All too soon, he untangled his finger and brought his hand back to his side. "A riot is forming," he said after a moment. He was back to being serious again.

"What about your trial?," I asked with a tilt of my head.

Dean smirked and shook his head at me. "No, baby. That's only if I get caught. And they won't get me again," he spoke with determination. "You were only to speak at the trial if they catch me at the riot but that's not going to happen. We're breaking out of here and I'm taking you far, far away."

He said it with such confidence that I found myself believing him even though I shouldn't. I nodded along with him and smiled when he included me in his plan. "But your trial is next week," I pointed out with a frown.

"Don't worry about that. Just know that by this time tomorrow, all hell is breaking lose. I need you to meet me at my cell at exactly 9:30 p.m. and not a second later," he instructed me carefully.

I nodded even though I was feeling unsure of myself. Of course I would do anything for him but the thought of committing such a crime unnerved me. But I was ready for this. I would follow Dean anywhere.

Dean smiled once I agreed to his plan. "Great. I gotta get going now, Angel. I'll see you tomorrow and then we can finally start a real life together, he said as he placed a palm on my cheek.

I leaned into his touch and closed my eyes. If anything went wrong, I would never be able to feel his touch on my skin again. I knew the protocol for riots and it was not going to end well.

He pulled his hand away then walked back to my door and turned his head towards me. "Bring your gun. Make sure it's loaded. I'm putting all my trust in you. Don't let me down," he said with wide eyes. I could see the doubt in his eyes but I decided not to speak on it.

I nodded instead and shot him my best reassuring smile. "You can count on me, Dean," I said with confidence.

Dean smiled and relaxed his shoulders. "This is it," he confirmed with a small nod before slipping out of the room and presumably back to his cell.

I walked back to my desk chair and smiled to myself. "Yes. This is it," I whispered. I was about to start a new life with he man who saved me. Tension and anxiousness swirled in my belly at the thought.

I pulled out his file and opened it with care. I needed to remind myself about everything before going into this new life blind. It would be foolish to do so. I briefly wondered what the point of him confessing would be just to have him break out before it.

I could feel the oncoming of a headache pulsing in my temples. Before it could do its worse, I pulled out the prescribed pills and popped a couple into mouth then swallowed them down dryly. I squeezed my eyes shut when another scene decided to torment me. Were these real?

"What are you doing? Are you going to kill me?," it was me again. This time, I was strapped into some kind of hospital bed. Dean stood in front of me while another man watched. What the hell was going on?

He informed me that he wasn't going to kill me. He was just going to hurt me. This can't be real. He sore he would never do anything to hurt me. This ah to be some sort of mind trick.

"You're not insane like me, Cas. And usually I would be okay with that. Usually, I would have k led you as soon as you turned your back. But I can't help but feel like I need you," he said as he ran a hand down my face.

No. No. No. This wasn't possible. It couldn't be.

Next, Dean told me that he was going to use electroshock therapy on me. Dream me had tears running down his face. "…this will only give me memory loss and a strong hatred for you," I spoke angrily. Memory loss?

Dean assured me that I wouldn't hate him. He promised me that would be together once it was all over. Then, he tortured me. Excruciating screams broke me out of my trance. I pushed myself out of my chair and grasped at my chest. "No!," I screamed out.

That couldn't be real. Dean would never hurt me! Would he? Yes, he locked me in the white room but that was only for my own good. I saw everything in him during my stay there. He was the only light in the dark.

Why couldn't I remember anything? Then, all at once, like a bolt of lightning, all my memories flooded back to me. I dropped to my knees and gripped my hair painfully. I remembered everything from meeting him to him killing Michael to Sam kidnapping me and the torture. He manipulated me. He made me lesser than what I am.

All the holes in my memory were suddenly filled. There was no more questioning what happened. I now knew everything. It had been four months. Four months since I laid eyes on my own doom. Why did he do this to me?

Frustrated, I stood up and pulled out my gun from my drawer. I held it up and smiled when the light of my lamp made it gleam with pride. I cocked the gun to make sure it was in fact loaded and could almost laugh when it confirmed it was.

Well, Dean wanted crazy. I was going to show him who was fucking crazy.


	15. Chapter 15

**Voices**

It was like my mind had clicked into place. The flood gates had opened and brought back terrible memories with it. I was going to put an end to everything. To Dean Winchester.

The next morning didn't prove to be any better for my mind. I once again, stayed in my office overnight going over my own plan of action until I was completely confident in myself.

"What are you doing?," a curious, familiar voice asked me as I dug through my filing cabinet.

I didn't even bother turning my head to know it was Dean. Or what I used to think was Dean. I waved a hand dismissively while continuing at my own task at hand. "Go away. I know you're not real," I said a little too bitterly. In a way, it was weird that I could interact with figment of my own imagination.

I had spent so many years in school learning and studying these exact cases only to become one myself. It was ironic actually. But it only added to the shit storm that was my life. I frowned as I continued sifting through the unorganized papers.

"What?," the voice asked in comical disbelief. "Of course I'm real," he said almost offensively.

I shook my head once and let out a maniacal laugh. "No, you're not. Just leave me alone," I spat back with annoyance racing through my body. Now, that I had realized what was happening to me, it was actually quite annoying to have it bothering me like this.

There was a pause and for a brief, hopeful moment I had assumed that my demands had worked and he went back to my mind where he belonged. Instead, much to my dismay, he spoke again.

"If I wasn't real, could I do this?," he questioned me with smugness evident in his tone.

I rolled my eyes but decided to appease him. I turned around slowly then crossed my arms across my chest. I raised an expecting eyebrow at him and waited for him to make his move.

He stalked towards me as the dim lights in my office danced across his perfectly chiseled face. For a second, I questioned my own sanity for the hundredth time. He just looked so…real. Almost too real. Maybe it was him. I frowned at my own doubt.

He stopped directly in front of me and gave me a crimson smile. Somehow I knew that smile could lead anyone to their deaths. The air around us turned electric as he reached a hand out to touch my face.

I locked my eyes on his while simultaneously holding my breath. Why was I hoping that this was real? His hand gently touched my face and I nearly sobbed when I felt nothing. I searched his eyes for a hint of something. Anything to show me that I wasn't crazy.

His image flickered quickly before returning. My eyes moved to the corner where his hand was still on my cheek. I looked back at him with a deep scowl across my face. "Get out of my head!," I screamed as loudly as I could while my hands went to both sides of my head and pressed deeply into it to get it to stop.

Deans image melted away and I was once again left in a silent room. I held back a cry at the intensity of the situation. Emotions kept rising up and forcing me to confront things that I had buried so long ago.

Frowning, I decided to push everything away and get back to what I was doing. I pulled out a slip of paper that I had remembered storing away when Dean had been admitted. I noticed how he was fidgety about his father and decided to put away the info I had of the older Winchester away until Dean was ready to confront that demon.

Never did I think that I would be caught in the midst of an impending riot. Training had taught me to stay in my office with the door locked as I crouched for safety under my desk. But my head told me to find the man responsible for the mayhem.

I sighed audibly to myself and skimmed the paper with quick moving eyes. John Winchester. From the looks of it, he seemed to be the ring leader in Deans world. He was a notorious drug lord with several hundred accusations of murder. He hadn't been caught even once. There was no mugshot to show me his face. Just vague details on what this person might be like.

The only thing I knew for certain was that Dean was afraid of him. Oh yes, very afraid from what I could tell. I recalled him freaking out on me when I had called him Mr. Winchester. Very interesting.

"What's that?," a voice asked from behind me. I immediately stiffened up my shoulders as my eyes went wide with dread. No. It couldn't be. It just couldn't be.

"Aw, what's the matter? Can't say hello to your own mother?," the memorable voice taunted me.

Slowly, I turned around and nearly collapsed to the ground in shock when I saw Naomi sitting in the chair across from my desk. "M- mom?," I asked in disbelief as my heart pounded profusely in my chest.

She smiled the toothy grin that I used to be familiar with. "Of course it's me, silly," she said as if anything about this was normal.

I took in her appearance for a few selfish moments. I knew deep in the tresses of my mind that she wasn't real but something inside me was telling me that maybe she was. It was impossible.

My legs started to drag me towards the imposter. I stopped a few feet away from her and swallowed down the uncomfortable lump. I had to remember what had happened with Dean just a few moments prior. I needed to stay grounded if I wanted to survive.

"You're dead," I dead panned. Tears welled up in my eyes but I refused to let them fall. I'm sure if anyone were to see me right now, they would see me talking to an empty chair. I shook my head at the insane image and bit the inside of my cheek as hard as I could until I could taste blood.

"No, I'm not," she replied back with the same smile plastered proudly across her features. She looked how she did before her addiction took over. She was bright, hopeful and had an air of positivity that seemed to surround her. Being near her, felt like a bliss.

"I buried you six feet under," I argued with her. I couldn't get my eyes to look away from her.

Suddenly, her demeanor flipped like a switch. "Like hell you did. Stop acting foolish. I'm real," she said with anger. I remembered that tone of voice. It was the same one she always used on me when she was angry that she was broke or when she ran out of pills.

Pills. My brain lit up at the word. That's why she was here. I tore my gaze away from her and pulled out my prescription bottle out of my top desk drawer. I deposited a couple into my hand before looking back up at my mother.

"I'm sorry, mom. I know you're not real and I need you to leave," I spoke calmly then tossed the pills into my mouth and swallowed them down dryly.

Naomi appeared shocked before slowly fading away. I bit my other cheek just as hard as my previous one and sighed when the metallic taste filled my mouth. She was gone.

Why can't these voices just leave me alone?

XxX

I glanced at my wrist watch. It was time. I tucked the handheld gun into the waistband of my pants and fixed my shirt over it to hide it from plain view. I just wanted this night to be over with. Maybe then I can finally get some peace.

I opened the door to my office and took one last look around just in case my plan didn't go as well as I hoped it would. It looked the same as it always did. Like a homeless person had been living in it for the past few months which wasn't too far from the truth.

My eyes drifted over to the chair that my mother had been sitting in just a few hours prior. I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head to shake myself out of this state. I shoved my hands in my doctors coat and calmed down when I felt the pill bottle underneath my thumb.

I took a deep, steady breath then walked out of my office. The door clicked shut behind me. I couldn't shake the feeling that I had just shut the door on my past. Perhaps this part of my life was over. Maybe I was destined for greater things. I just didn't know it yet.

XxX

The place was Hell. Absolute chaos reigned down every hallway that I tried to walk down. The prisoners were free and running rampant. I turned to go towards Deans cell but stopped at the scene taking place before me. Benny had a guard by the throat in what looked to be a death tight grip.

Damn it. If I hadn't snuck into the guards office to grab back up bullets then I would've been on time and not stuck in this chaotic mess. Now I missed the crucial part of being near Dean when everything started. I knew he would protect me.

Zachariah, the guard Benny had pinned, looked towards me as his face flashed in recognition. I looked over his shoulder while signaling for him not to say anything. I did not want to be in Benny's wrath right now. I looked towards Deans cell but couldn't tell if he was inside it since the lights in the hallway were dim and flickering.

"Castiel! Please, help me!," Zachariah choked out as his hand waved towards me weakly.

My eyes widened and I found myself backing up slowly as I shook my head. Benny's head snapped towards me as a sinister grin spread across his face. "I- I'm sorry. I cant," I nearly whispered in fear.

"Please," Zachariah whispered meekly as his body lost air at an accelerated rate. Benny tightened his grip while staring into my eyes. Within a minute, Zachariah stopped moving in his hands. Benny dropped him to the floor with a sickening thump then turned to face me all the way.

Now would be a great time to start running but my feet weren't moving. My body was shaking as Benny walked towards me. Run. Run. Do something. Anything but stand here waiting to die!

My body ignored my brain as I continued to stand still like a deer in headlights. How was I supposed to face off with Dean when I couldn't even get myself to run away from Benny? Dean.

I looked around frantically but couldn't see him anywhere. "Dean! Help me!," I screamed as loud as I could while my feet finally started to respond but not as fast as I had hoped.

I slowly walked backwards until my back hit the solid wall. My head hit the brick lightly as I closed my eyes. I was about to die and there was nothing I could do. I did nothing with my life. Did I even help save one person? My eyes opened slowly to Benny's frightening face. I read his file but I never thought I'd witness his abilities.

Benny slowly raised his hands and wrapped them securely around my throat. I gasped at the contact and let out another cry for help. His hands wrapped tighter around me until I muttered something that he couldn't quite hear.

He lessened his grip while shooting me a crimson smile. "What was that? Last words?," he asked sadistically. I could tell how much he was enjoying this. Taking lives with his bare hands.

I nodded and coughed when the pressure dispersed. Benny waited for me to re compose myself. "Did I- did I help you at all here?," I asked with wide eyes. I just needed to know that I didn't live my life in vain. That I had a reason to keep living all this time. Maybe then I could die in peace.

Benny threw his head back in laughter. "You put me in that fucking nightmare of a room! And you think you helped me? I've plotted my revenge since I got out of there. Always waiting for the right time. But now, thanks to him, we're free to take what we want. The world belongs to us!," he screamed in my face.

I grimaced against the wall. "Benny, you don't understand. I was in that room, too. I know what it's like! Believe me. But we don't have to keep being who we were. We can start walking to a new future where we're better men," I tried to reason with him.

"Fuck you," he spat angrily. "I'm going to have so much fun watching he light leave your eyes," he spoke with venom as his hands shot back out around my neck.

I shut my eyes quickly and waited for the pain to start back up. I just hoped that he would be quick with me. A loud sound rang out as a splatter hit my face and body. I didn't want to open my eyes. Especially when I felt the hands free from my neck.

Eventually, I peaked open one eye and immediately threw up on the ground. Wiping my mouth with my now bloody sleeve, I looked up to see Dean smiling at me. Benny lay in between us with half of his head now missing. His blood sprayed across me and drenched my clothes and face.

Dean dropped the gun he was holding then took my hand and started running down the hallway. He turned to me and smiled as if he was genuinely happy for once. "You're late."


	16. Chapter 16

**Ride or die**

His smile almost stopped me dead in my tracks. Almost. He looked younger than he was and exuded an air of youth around him. I found myself wondering how I could make him smile like that more often until I remembered the deadly weapon moving along with me.

Dean pushed open the staircase door and pulled me along with him. We ran up a flight of stairs before pushing out into the empty hallway. "Dean!," I cried out to get him to slow down. I had no idea where he was taking me and I didn't want to know I just wanted him to stop.

Dean looked over at me with worry in his eyes. "Keep pushing, Cas! I need you," he yelled back to me. He pushed me into the room we used to meet in every week except he was always handcuffed. He was free now. The thought alone should've paralysis me.

He stopped at the window then grabbed one of the chairs we used to sit in and threw it through the window. The window shattered easily as the chair made its decent to the ground. The cool night wind found its way inside and whipped fiercely at my coat.

"Roll with your shoulder when you hit the ground. We're only on the second floor so you shouldn't experience any damage. We gotta go before any guards show up. Sam's waiting on us," he spoke quickly while tugging on my elbow to get closer to the large, broken window.

I frowned then planted my feet firmly on the floor. "How did you do it, Dean?," I questioned him. I could feel all my anger rising up. I realized I hadn't seen him since my memories returned.

Dean stopped tugging on me but brought one of his hands up to my bloodied cheek. His calloused thumb wiped at the blood in a futile effort as he looked into my eyes. "I'd love to give you a biography of my mind but we don't really have enough time here, Angel," he said while gritting his teeth.

Alarms were going off all through the building signifying that the police would be here very soon. I ignored the mind numbing sounds and focused on Deans betrayal. "You were never going to take me with you. You were planning on abandoning me this whole time. I was supposed to take the fall, wasn't I?," I accused him.

In the weeks prior, I had given Dean detailed blueprints of the Institute along with escape routes, exits and schedules of all the employees. Silly me for believing someone like this could ever be the savior of my anything.

Dean looked unimpressed as he took in my expression. I glared daggers at him as I took a step back. "So, the little doctor thinks he's figured it all out, huh?," he questioned me rhetorically.

I pursed my lips and slowly reached for my back where my gun was located. I placed my hand on it protectively and waited to see what else Dean would do or say. I was ready this time.

"How do you do it, Dean? That's all I want to know," I lied. The psychologist in me was curious and couldn't pass up an opportunity to get in a killers mind. Even if what he told me was a lie.

Dean smirked darkly but decided to appease my last wishes. "I play pathetic fools like you. And I make it look fucking easy, too. I get under your skin and next thing you know all you can think about is me, me, me!," he yelled. The veins in his neck stuck out as anger rose up in him to match mine.

"I gotta admit though that playing with you has been the most fun I've had in a long time. Usually, I let people like you think that they've 'saved' me. I get their guard down and they never see their death coming. But with you," he paused as he seemed to think his next words over. My grip on my gun tightened as my heart pounded in an unsteady rhythm in my chest.

"You've proven more difficult than I once thought. I should've kept you weak. I suspect your memory has come back. The amnesia lasted a lot longer than I thought it would" he spoke a little bit calmer than he had been before but not by much.

"You're a monster," I said with disgust as I took another step back. The wind howled as it came through the broken glass.

"I'm a survivor," he countered as his eyebrows turned down even more. He took a step closer to me. "Somehow, I regret doing the things I did to you. You could be one of us. But everything I did wasn't in vain. Look at you, you're stronger now! Because of me!," he shouted over the alarms.

I pulled he gun out from behind my back and closed the distance between us with my barrel. The barrel rested nicely on his forehead. Deans face fell as he slowly raised his hands up in defeat. "Shut up!," I screamed louder than I thought my voice could ever go.

"You're not in pain like I am! You don't know the kind of torment you put me through these past few months! You don't know what kind of hate you put inside me," I yelled with narrow eyes. My other hand raised up and cocked he gun to put it into place.

It was the first time I ever saw Dean scared. He was terrified. He knew I wasn't bluffing. He saw for the first time the kind of fighter I could be. Dean grabbed the barrel with both of his hands and I expected him to try to fight it off of him. Instead, he placed it in the middle of his forehead perfectly.

"Don't think of yourself as so special, Doctor. You're not different," my eyes widened as he spoke fearlessly. His look of terror was gone in an instant and resembled a man who looked as if he wasn't afraid of death. I supposed that made two of us.

"What you have inside you, is the same as what I have inside me. Now, we can finally understand each other. You hate the world for making you grow up too fast. But you're mad at me for finally opening your eyes. So, finish me off if you must but there is no you if there is no me," he spoke confidently as if he knew my every thought. And maybe he did.

"You were going to leave me!," I shouted angrily still not letting go of the gun. My finger found the trigger but it took everything I had in me not to pull it right away.

"True. But I'm glad I didn't," he replied in an even voice.

I chewed on my lip in thought. There were too many options here. Either way, my life was over. I thought about how I must look right now and how drastic my life had changed in just a few months. I frowned and looked back into green eyes.

My arm never wavered even as someone beat on the door to try to get in. "Police! Come out now with your hands up!," the voice screamed from outside the door.

I ignored the new voices and stayed focused on my stare off. "Well? What will it be?," he questioned me with a sly smirk.

I said nothing. My mind was blank now. I had no emotions. No care for anything happening around me. Deans face flashed with irritation as he grabbed the barrel once more. "Do it, Cas! Do it!," he screamed at me. He was challenging me. He wanted to see if I was still loyal to him.

It was in that exact moment that I realized how unhinged we both were. We were no good but as usual, my body paid no attention to my mind. I lowered the gun much to Deans relief.

Hi chest deflated as the immediate threat of his demise was suddenly gone. The annoying pounding never wavered at the door. I frowned at the man in front of me as the wind whipped at my hair and coat.

Dean stuck his hand out. "I can take you places you've never been. You can experience so much more when you're with me. So, how about it? Ride or die?," he asked me as different emotions swirled in his eyes.

I knew I shouldn't go anywhere with him. Just a minute ago, I had a gun up to his head with all intents of killing him. But now, I was considering running off into the sunset with him. When did my life get so fucked up? Oh, that's right. When I met him.

"I'm not going anywhere with you," I replied with a sour look on my face. I didn't know if that was my mind or heart talking but it was decided. I would let Dean go.

Deans face fell at my statement. The door swung open before he could say anything else as six officers filed into the room with guns all aimed at Dean. "Step away from the doctor, Winchester!," one of them shouted over the sound of the alarm.

Deans eyes darted from his new threat to me. He had no way out of this one now. He couldn't use his charm on them or trick them into falling in love with him. I blinked, taken aback by my wayward thoughts. No. That couldn't be. I was not in love with this psycho. At least that's what my head was telling me.

Dean turned back to me as he wrapped an arm around me possessively. "Sorry, Angel. But I wasn't asking," he whispered into my ear before placing a chaste kiss on my temple.

"What? Dean, no!," I said as loud as I could. If he could hear me then he paid no mind to my protests.

"Back away now!," one of the officers shouted while slowly stalking towards us.

Deans free hand reached down quicker than I could realize what was happening. He pulled my gun out with ease and shot the commanding officer in the head. His body fell with a harsh thud to the floor. The other remaining officers looked shocked and some even looked terrified.

"Sorry, boys. This is where I leave you," he said ominously and wrapped both arms around me like a cocoon.

Next thing I knew, we were flying in the air for what felt like hours but was only about ten seconds. I could hear the sound of gunshots flying and wind ringing in my ears. I squeezed my eyes shut as I prepared for my body to hit the ground.

I never felt any pain. "Dammit!," Dean cursed loudly while I slowly opened my eyes. I was scared of what I was going to see. I was lying half on top of Dean on the wet grass outside the building. I sat up quickly and looked down at Dean.

"Are you okay?," I found my mouth asking before I could stop myself. I didn't care if he was alright! He just threw me out a window!

Dean sat up as he clutched his right shoulder. "I'm fine. Its just a lot harsher when you take the fall for another body," he replied. His voice was strained and I could tell he was in a good amount of pain. He probably dislocated his shoulder by the looks of it.

I looked away from him and tried to get the attention of any guards, cops or anybody that could help me. I opened my mouth to scream but was stopped when a hand firmly covered it. I looked into blazing green eyes that could practically see through to my soul.

"Scream and I will kill you. Its either I have you or no one does," he said in a threatening way. I was sure that's the voice he uses on his victims before killing them. I nodded against his hand in agreement.

Dean eyed me before deciding that he could trust me. He stood up to his feet then grabbed my hand to pull me up. I accepted his help with no protests. He kept his hand in mine as he ran off towards the gate surrounding the place. I knew the guards wouldn't be there as its protocol to assist in these types of situations.

But the direction he was going was towards the employee entrance where it would require a key card to access. I said nothing and allowed him to continue running with me. He didn't have to know that I didn't have my employee key card on me like he assumed.

"Sam's just beyond that gate then we are home free," he told me with excitement palpable in his voice. I nodded firmly at him and ignored the way my heart fluttered when he intertwined our fingers closer together.

"Stop!," an achingly familiar voice called out a few feet away from the gate. Dean stopped reluctantly while rolling his eyes.

"Damn. Nevada state did not give me this much trouble," he muttered to himself with disdain before turning around to face whoever it was that stopped us.

Dean shoved me protectively behind him. He turned his head towards me as he said, "Go out the gate and get in the black impala waiting. Explain to Sam that everything's going to be alright and I'll be with you guys soon." He shot me a warm smile then nudged me slightly when I didn't move.

My eyes widened as I froze in fear. "I- I don't have my key card," I replied apologetically. And I really was this time.

Dean frowned as he shook his head and turned back to face his new obstacle. "Son of a bitch. Fine. I'll handle this," he said so confidently that I believed him.

He kept me behind his back as he stood to face my colleagues. Raphael, Gabriel and a few other guards were standing a few feet away from us. "Did you really hint you could escape the top prison in the country?," Raphael questioned him with a shake of his head. "Foolish boy."

Dean grabbed my gun from his pants and aimed it at Raphael's chest. I grabbed his arm in an attempt to lower the gun but it was like moving a brick wall.

"Dean, please don't kill them," I tried to plead with him. I mayor have built any solid bonds with these people but they didn't deserve to die because of me. None of these people did.

Dean cocked the gun. "If they want to meet their maker then who am I to stop them?," he asked rhetorically as a ghost of a smile graced his lips.

A stray tear fell down my face as I braced myself. This was going to be a blood bath.


	17. Chapter 17

**Ready for it**

"Do you really think you're going to stop me?," Dean questioned the group with a raise of his eyebrow.

"I know we're going to stop you, asshole!," Gabe yelled back with his own gun pointed at Dean. His eyes were narrowed at his target. "Give Castiel back to us!"

Dean took a small step as he continued to shield my body with his. "Give him back? Why the fuck would I do that?," he asked angrily. I could hear that terrifying voice come back with full force.

"Because I will have you charged with kidnapping on top of everything you've done tonight. You've caused nothing but chaos here and if it were up to me I would call for a public execution of you," Raphael spoke menacingly but he was nowhere near Deans level. He didn't stand a chance against him.

"Well it's a good thing it's not up to you," Dean replied cockily. He knew he was getting out of here alive. He was waiting for them to make the first move. I noticed that he only attacked when he was seriously being threatened. He didn't see these guys as any kind of threat. They were more like nuisances.

I let out a breath I had been holding. I was worried for my colleagues. The terrifying part was that I still had no clue what Dean was capable of. Not even by a long shot.

"Now, give me your key card and I promise to Cas that I will spare your lives. If not, then I will kill you and take the card off your still warm body," he threatened. I wished that I could see his expression right about now instead of the back of his head.

Judging by the others expressions, they believed him. But still no one was daring to move. It was as if they were scared to set him off. I stepped to the side of Dean and attempted to push the gun out of his hand. But he was too strong. And I was too weak. It wasn't as if I wanted to leave him defenseless. I just wanted the killing to stop.

Dean glanced at me in a look of confusion mixed with betrayal. "Is that where your loyalty lies?," he asked so lowly that I could barely register his words.

Thunder cracked across the sky followed by a bolt of lightning. It was a warning for the impending storm headed out way. But no storm could be worse than the one I was going toe to toe with. Maybe I could get him to see that blood wasn't always the answer.

I puffed my chest out and shot him a look of pure determination. "You know where it lies," I replied back with a stern frown. "Please. I can't stand to watch another person die tonight. Its not right," I begged him as a tear fell.

Deans eyes seemed to soften up at my pleas. His walls were cracking in my presence but I couldn't celebrate just yet. He was unpredictable and fierce. There was no telling what he was going to do despite me begging him not to.

"Castiel! You're safe over here! Just run to us," one of the guards next to Gabe yelled at me. I shifted from foot to foot as I weighed my options but there was really no time to sit and ponder. It was now or never.

I chanced a look at Dean and found him staring intently at me as he awaited my next move. He was a strategist. He had to wait for all the pieces to be aligned before he made a move. But something in that moment was telling me to stay. That I was safer with him than I was with anybody else in this world.

I planted my feet firmly on the ground and looked away from my colleagues. I couldn't bare to see any looks of hurt on their faces even if I didn't know them all too well. I was still with the enemy. And that was enough.

"No more blood, Dean," I whispered in pain. My heart hurt seeing so much death and destruction caused by the man I loved. Or was tricked into loving. Either way, it was weighing heavy on my soul. I stared into his eyes for a hint that he would listen to me. That he would do the right thing. Instead, he looked away from me and back to the small crowd.

"Close your eyes, Cas," he said softly even as I heard the gun click into place.

"I will never forgive you for this," I threatened as I fell to my knees behind Dean. My threat may as well have fallen on deaf ears as he didn't even give me a second look. The wind picked up speed as the storm came closer.

"I take what I want. And what I want is a fucking key card right now. I'm not going to ask twice," Dean spoke clearly despite the noise going on around us.

"Give us back Dr. Novak and I will give you this," Raphael replied back as several gasps sounded throughout my coworkers. I had closed my eyes like Dean had requested but I could only guess that Raphael was holding out his end of the deal.

There was silence besides the sound of alarms and thunder cracking in the sky. I felt my chest tighten up at the thought of Dean actually negotiating with them. He was going to throw me away like he had originally planned.

I felt a strong hand pull me up to my feet. I looked into cold, hard eyes that were just how they used to be when I first met him. So this was it. I was just a pawn in this game of his. Dean looked away from me first and took a slow step towards Raphael.

Raphael had his key card held over his head in his shaky hand. His face was he epitome of calm but I could tell he was terrified by the way his eyes darted and the shaking of his body. I wondered if Dean could tell as well.

Dean let go of me once he was closer to Raphael and slightly pushed me towards my boss. I looked back at him with tears welling up in my eyes. His eyes stayed on the key card and refused to meet my gaze. "Dean," I nearly whispered with hurt clear in my voice. Why was he doing this after all he put me through?

"Hand it over," he spoke directly to Raphael still avoiding me.

Raphael nodded at one of the guards as they pulled me away from Dean. Raphael simply handed him what he wanted before looking back at me to make sure I was okay.

A gunshot rang through the air in the few seconds that I looked away. The grip on one of my arms loosened until letting go completely. Horrified, I looked down at my feet to see one of the guards dead. Then he shot the next one that was holding me with dead accuracy. He was dead before he even hit the ground.

I felt my knees go weak at the sight of more carnage. This isn't how anything was supposed to go. Everything was all fucked up. My legs buckled and threatened to give up on me as my hearing slowly faded out. I had no idea what was happening around me even as someone pulled me into their chest.

I tilted my head up and looked towards my colleagues to see Gabe and Raphael were the only ones who now stood. Everyone else was now dead. Because of me. Because I didn't warn anyone of the riot. How much blood was on my hands tonight?

Raphael and Gabe were on their knees with their hands raised in the air in defeat. I placed my hand on the hard chest of whoever had grabbed me then looked up towards them. I shouldn't have been surprised when I saw Dean looking back at me with relief in his eyes. But I was. I was surprised that he had come back for me.

My senses started coming back at full force when Dean grabbed my hand and ran with me towards the gate. He quickly swiped the card then pushed open the gate when the click sounded. Somehow I was able to keep up with him all the way to the black classic car.

The man I remembered as Sam stood anxiously in front of the open passenger door. He car was running and leaving a puff of smoke with every rumble from the engine. His was his idea of a getaway car? This Jing would surely only bring him attention.

Sam's eyes narrowed on me before he shot Dean a look. "Seriously? I told you that you were taking this too far! Absolutely not, Dean," he chastised his brother.

Dean ran over to he backseat and opened the door. He shook his head at Sam's words then unzipped his prison uniform before stepping out of it. He was left in only boxers and a plain white tee. "Shut up, Sam. I call the shots and I say he's coming with us," he said sternly then turned his attention towards me.

He held the back door open and looked at me expectantly. He patted his leg a couple of times as if he was calling a stray dog. My eyes stayed wide as I looked from brother to brother. I really should be turn in around and running but my fee stayed planted firmly on the ground.

"He's going to be upset," Sam said over the alarms. This seemed to get Deans attention as he stiffened up.

"Well, he's not here," Dean shot back then took a couple of quick strides over to me before pulling on my arm to follow him.

"Dean!," Sam snapped as he slammed his hand on the roof of the car. Dean released my arm immediately as a deep scowl set into his face. He looked towards his brother with cold eyes as the alarms got louder and closer.

"Want to stay here and catch up on missed times before more cops show up or do you want to get the fuck out of here? It's your choice," he asked rhetorically.

Sam swallowed nervously as he looked between Dean and I. Finally, he nodded his head in defeat. "Fine. But this is your mess to clean up," he replied as he slid into the passenger seat and slammed the door.

Dean turned towards me and gently cupped my face into his hands. His eyes were different. They weren't of a cold blooded that I had seen just a few minutes prior. They were soft and filled with concern. Concern for me? Or for himself? And who wasn't here? Who was he afraid of? I didn't have the time to ask my questions out loud since he quickly swooped his lips down to meet mine.

His lips were firm as if he was afraid of completely relaxing around me. My eyes fluttered shut at the contact as I melted into his kiss. I could taste blood mixing in between our lips. The thought should've made me feel I'll but for some reason it didn't.

All too soon, he broke the kiss and looked deeply into my eyes while still cupping my face. "We're going to go home now. I don't want you to be afraid. Just know that I won't let anything hurt you. You're safe now," he said in an uncharacteristically soft voice.

I nodded against his touch as my chest heaved up and down from nerves. "Okay," I whispered huskily. I didn't know what else to say or do.

Deans humble gingerly swiped at someone else's blood that was dripping down my cheek and mixing in with my tears. "Are you ready for it?," he asked me earnestly.

His mood swings should really concern me. I never noticed before how fast they tended to change. Maybe I was a really shitty doctor. That's why I was in this situation in the first place. My hand snaked into my coat pocket and I breathed a sigh of relief once I felt the pill container.

As long as I had my medication then nothing, not even Dean, would make me lose my mind again. I shook my head to myself at the direction of my thoughts. "Yes," I finally said. The alarms were only getting louder, making it harder for me to even think.

Dean smiled before pressing a chaste kiss on my forehead then ducking my head into the car. I slid in with no protests and almost smiled back when Dean closed the door softly for me. I looked out the window and watched as the rain finally began to fall. It was as if it was washing away the events of tonight.

He front door opened then closed, signaling that Dean was now inside the ready car. "Lets go home," his voice sounded through the car as the tires kicked up gravel.

Home. We were going home.


	18. Chapter 18

**Family business**

We were on the road for what felt like a lifetime. Dean successfully managed to avoid public roads while dodging any law enforcement he might encounter. The radio blasted warnings on Dean Winchester breaking out of prison constantly until Sam finally switched it off.

"Where are we going?" I asked meekly from the backseat. My voice was shaky after not talking for twenty-four hours. The blood on my face had dried now and all I really wanted was a shower.

Sam and Dean exchanged glances before looking back towards the road. "We're almost there," Dean answered as he took a turn down a rocky road.

I rolled my eyes at his answer. "That doesn't answer my question," I pointed out with annoyance in my tone. I was tired of him dodging everything I asked. Why would he even bother taking me with him if he was going to be straight with me?

"Dammit, Cas! You can't be like this when we get there," Dean yelled out as he hit the steering wheel with his palms.

Sam and I both flinched at the same time from his bitter outburst. I furrowed my eyebrows and scowled at him through his rear view mirror. "I don't care! What's going to happen to my house? My car? What about my fucking colleagues? They know that you took me. They'll find me," I said as all the anger unfurled from me.

Deans green eyes shifted in the mirror as he tried to make eye contact with me. I crossed my arms defiantly and turned my gaze to the window to purposely avoid him. Dean sighed when he realized I wasn't going to look at him. "It's all being taken care of," he replied nonchalantly.

"What does that even mean? Why are you being so elusive?" I huffed from my spot while I watched the scenery go by. I still couldn't tell where we were. Far from Kansas by now. That I was sure of.

"Dr. Novak," Sam started from the passenger seat. I could hear the tension in his voice as if he was also afraid of what awaited us once we got to our destination.

"Cas," Dean corrected him quickly. I ignored both of them and continued to stare out the window.

"Cas," Sam tried again. "You'll have to forgive me for being so short earlier. Its just- our dad is behind things. He's the one we take orders from. What Dean did by bringing you along was not part of the plan in any way. We're just not sure how he's going to react to you."

I scoffed and shook my head although Sam did manage to answer a few of my questions. "I'm sorry. You just said I'll have to forgive you? Even when you drugged me then tortured me?" I asked incredulously. Really. The nerve of these Winchesters.

Sam coughed awkwardly. "Uh, so you remember, huh?" he asked uncomfortably. Good.

"Everything," I replied back bitterly. The tension in the car was enough to make everyone squirm. I wondered if Dean was starting to regret bringing me along now.

"Listen, Cas. This is just something we've been trained to do. It's nothing personal but my brother seems to have grown attached to you. So, yes. I am sorry for doing what needed to be done," he said genuinely.

He spoke in a drastically different way than he had the night before. He did not want me anywhere near them. And maybe that was his fear of his father speaking in a way to protect Dean. But no one can stop Dean when he wants something. Everyone knew that.

"Stop scaring him, Sam. He doesn't understand," Dean paused as he took yet another sharp turn. "Yet."

What did that even mean? I knew I probably looked like a rebellious teen being forced to visit a distant relatives house but I didn't care. Someone needed to start explaining soon. "Stop the car," I demanded angrily.

I glanced towards Dean in time to see him shake his head at my demand. "Stop being so childish," he chided me. A ghost of a smile snuck up on his lips as he stole a look at me through the rear view mirror.

I looked away immediately and seethed. "I said stop the goddamn car!" I screamed out causing both brothers to flinch at the sudden change in my tone.

The car immediately halted as the tires squealed from the sudden stop. I jumped out of the car and didn't even bother to look at my surroundings. I didn't care where I was. I just needed to get home. I could possibly tell the cops that I escaped and had no idea where Dean was.

I would still protect him because a part of me did care about him. Most of me wished that I didn't. Caring for me is what landed me into this fucking mess in the first place. I paced back and forth a few times as I chewed on my bottom lip.

The feel of my rough doctor's coat on my skin was enough for me to yank it off and throw it to the ground in a moment of anger. Blood was splattered all throughout it. Even across my name that was etched into the right pocket. It was fitting really. All of those deaths were on me. I would never forgive myself for letting such destruction happen to innocent people.

I was too lost in my thoughts to notice the sounds of doors or footsteps headed towards me. A set of hands landed on my shoulders softly. I crinkled my nose at the contact then reluctantly lifted my head to make eye contact with Dean. "Cas," he spoke gently as if he was afraid he was going to spook me. The thought was laughable.

My mouth remained in a tight frown even as I looked directly into his eyes. "Just hear me out. You're pissed and I get that. You have every right to be but right now I need you. More than ever before. What I do is not conventional. I'll tell you everything you need to know," he said in a serious tone.

My eyes widened but I nodded along. "Later. I'll tell you everything later. Right now though, I need you to pull your shit together. Trust me, this is not the time to have a breakdown."

"Why?" I asked hesitantly. Who the hell is he to tell me that I need to get over everything that happened? If I wanted to scream and throw a fit, then I damn well should be able to do it.

"Because," he paused and looked around while I continued to watch him, "we're here."

My heart dropped through my chest at his words. I immediately tore my eyes away from his and glanced around for the first time at my surroundings. It was rural. There were fields everywhere but what really caught my eye was the giant mansion about half a mile from where we were parked.

I swallowed nervously and shook my head. This is where he lived? The place looked like it belonged to royalty! "This... this is the place?" I asked anxiously.

Dean nodded firmly while gauging my reaction. "This is it," he breathed out sounding just as nervous as me. Dean turned his head to look behind him and back at the house then glanced back to me. The color drained from his face and his eyes seemed cold and distant now.

"Dean?" I questioned, clearly confused with this whole situation.

"Dean Winchester," a strong, gruff voice said from behind Dean. Deans shoulders stiffened up as soon as his name was said. My eyes drifted over his shoulder and landed on a man who seemed to be in his early fifties.

Dean swiveled around with a grace that I was used to seeing him have. "Sir," he greeted with respect for the man before him. I narrowed my eyes at the older man and came to the conclusion that this must be Dean and Sam's father.

They all appeared similar to each other just like any father and son would. He had frown lines etched deeply into his face from years of being angry. He carried himself well and power seemed to flow out of him. This was the man in control of everyone. The one pulling the strings on Dean while Dean pulled the strings on Sam. It was an unhealthy circle to be in.

I tilted my head in thought as I continued to watch them interact. Was Dean pulling the strings on me? Or did I have free reign? Somehow, I doubted the latter. Deans chest puffed up as he stuck his hand out to shake his father's hand. I briefly remembered the way he freaked out when I had called him 'Mr. Winchester' when I first met him. This must be the reason why.

Mr. Winchester grabbed his sons hand firmly and shook once before letting go then cutting his eyes at him. "Why the hell did it take you so long to get out? I almost handed the keys to Sam," he spoke in a rough voice. It sounded like he had been gurgling glass this morning. I cringed at the mental image.

"I'm sorry, sir. It proved to be a difficult facility to break out of but I'm here now," he replied professionally. Just what the hell did I get dragged into?

Deans father scoffed and looked his son up and down. "I was beginning to think that you wanted to stay away from me," he paused and spread his arms out as he waved at the large house behind him, "away from this."

Dean shook his head immediately. "Of course not. I want this. I was born to run this," he said earnestly.

His father nodded and seemed almost pleased at Deans reassurance. "Then why the fuck did you bring someone I don't know with you?" he questioned angrily as he grabbed Dean by the collar of his white tee. I gasped from the shock of his demeanor switching so quickly.

Dean struggled against his grip. "Dad, he- he can help us. I believe he'd be a great asset to us," he said through heavy breaths.

Deans father cut his eyes at him even more as his knuckles turned white from how hard he was gripping Deans shirt. "I don't need any help," he spat, insulted by Deans words.

"Dad! Stop it!" Sam shouted as he ran up to his father and attempted to separate them. Mr. Winchester pushed Sam away easily with his free hand while keeping his eyes locked on Deans. Dean was cowering under the intense glare.

"Mr. Winchester," I spoke calmly as I straightened my back up and looked him in his unsettling eyes.

He cut off his eye contact from Dean and snapped his head towards my direction. His expression showed that he couldn't believe that I dared to speak out of line. But it also showed that he was listening to me while keeping his grip on Dean. That was enough for me to continue.

"Release Dean and I won't call the police to alert them of your whereabouts," I bluffed while holding my best poker face.

His father's grip lessened slightly as he turned his evil glare on me. "You're lying. My sons are smart enough to take away any possessions from you. Friend or not," he called me out.

I held up Sam's burner phone that I had swiped an hour prior into the air. "911 is only one push away," I said as my thumb hovered over the emergency button.

His face paled instantly but he released Dean. "You must be fucking crazy to threaten me. You would be dead before they arrived," he told me before giving Sam a look for letting me grab his belongings.

"I'm not afraid to die. I'd do it for Dean," I replied honestly then tossed the burner phone to Sam who caught it with ease.

Mr. Winchester looked taken back by my words before a slow smile spread across his face. It was unsettling to see him smile. Especially since I knew that there were only ill intentions behind it. "Boys," he said as he looked around at his sons before continuing, "welcome your new partner."

I furrowed my brow and resisted the urge to scratch the top of my head like an idiot. "I'm sorry. Partner for what?" I asked for clarity.

He continued to grin as he outstretched his hand for me to shake. I eyed it wearily but kept my hands at my side. I tilted my head at him when he didn't answer my question.

"Welcome to the family business."


	19. Chapter 19

**Something's gotta give**

"And this is where we hold meetings," I concluded the tour as I waved my hand around the lavish room. Cas gazed up at the high ceilings then turned his attention to the paintings lining up along the room.

He turned his head back at me questioningly. "Are you sure this isn't where the illuminati gathers?" he asked with a bored tone.

A smile pulled at my lips but I didn't let him see. He had a dry sense of humor which I liked. At least he had one unlike the other people working for my father. Meeting Cas was like a breath of fresh air. I just wished I had more time to actually enjoy him.

"Oh, the illuminati wish they had our power," I replied with a deep chuckle. Cas seemed unbothered by my reply and continued to look around curiously. I was glad that he begged me earlier to shower off all the events from the past few days.

I was positive that all the blood that washed off of me would clog the shower drain. But that was a problem for someone else. After that, I decided to give him the grand tour of the place. At first he seemed impressed but now he looked genuinely tired of it all. He would always continue to amuse me.

He took his index finger and dragged it along the long meeting table then stopped once he reached in front of me. "What's the family business?" he asked with a narrowing of his eyes.

"Little details," I replied back with a shrug of my shoulders as I met his once warm eyes.

"No. Not little details. You took me away from everything. I need to know just what the hell is going on right now," he said as he took a step towards me.

It was an intimidation tactic. I wanted to laugh because I found it so adorable when he tried to scare or intimidate me. He just couldn't and we both knew it. But still, I had to throw him a bone or I was going to end up pissing him off. Again.

"I promise I'll tell you tonight. There's too many people walking around right now," I told him, hoping I'd be successful at appeasing him.

Cas looked away from me and nodded his head at one of the housekeepers walking by with a pile of towels in her hands. He looked back towards me while he frowned but he nodded at my offer.

I felt myself smiling before I could stop it. Cas looked just as shocked as I felt. "I'll show you to your room and then we'll meet on the roof at midnight. How does that sound?" I asked him as if he had a choice. Still, sometimes it was nice to make it sound as if they could make their own choices.

"On the roof?" he replied back with a tilt of his head.

I had to stop myself from wrapping my arms around him and kissing him over and over. It was so endearing when he looked so innocent and adorable like that. Wait. Where the hell did that thought come from? I furrowed my brow and frowned deeply.

"Just go up to the attic and there's a latch on the ceiling that leads to the roof. I like to sit up there at night. It's kind of my special place," I answered him while rubbing a hand on the back of my neck.

Cas stared at me oddly before conceding with a nod. I smiled to myself as I laid a hand on the small of his back and began to lead him down the wide hallway that held the bedrooms. I decided it would be best not to scar him and stick him in my room right away. No matter how badly I wanted to take him. I pushed those thoughts down as I turned the doorknob to an empty guest bedroom.

I nudged the door open then allowed Cas to step in before me. He flicked the switch on and took in his surroundings. It was a quaint room that held a moderate sized four poster bed with pure white sheets and blankets. Dust particles floated in the air around us from years of no use although the housekeepers did come in every once and a while to change the sheets.

"I like it," Cas said finally as he took his shoes off.

I fought a grin that threatened to take over my face. He would. He was just so simple and non-materialistic. I wished that I could say the same for myself. "I have to go now. Remember, midnight," I reminded him as I turned to leave.

"Do you like it here? Your home?" Cas asked suddenly.

I gripped the doorknob a little tighter in my hand and clenched my teeth. I steadied my breath for a few cycles before turning my head towards him. "This," I paused as I tried to recollect myself, "this is not a home." I turned my head back towards the door then pushed myself out of it while not bothering to hear his reply.

I closed the door none too softly and headed down the hallways. When I was younger, I used to love how much of a maze this place had felt. If only I had been allowed to play games instead of learning how to shoot guns and take lives. I scowled as I walked into the foyer and pulled on a lever that was cleverly hidden.

Part of the wall separated as a freight elevator took its place. I stepped in and ignored the buzzing of the bad light from above me. The walls closed back up before the elevator took me two floors down. I stepped out without looking behind me and continued towards the room I knew my father was in.

Just as I suspected, John was sitting behind an oversized oak desk in a brightly lit room. Sam and a few others surrounded him with grim looks on their faces. "I wasn't invited to the party?" I joked as I made my presence known. I ignored all the metal suitcases that covered most of the walls in his office. I already knew what they held.

"Dean," John greeted while everyone promptly ignored me besides Sam, "I trust you explained everything to my new hire." I fought the urge to roll my eyes. He just wouldn't understand the reason that I took Cas. Hell, I barely understood. So for now, he'd just have to pass as the so-called 'new hire'.

"I'm not trying to have him run away on his first day. Let him settle in and I'll tell him tonight," I replied calmly as I shoved my hands deep into my jeans.

"Good. I'll leave you in charge of his whereabouts. But be sure to remind him what happens when you cross me," John said darkly as his eyes narrowed.

I ignored his threat but nodded anyway. "Yes, sir. What have I missed the four months I was away?" I asked curiously.

"Well, while you were playing house, I was bringing in more profit. I flipped the business so we're only dealing with others in the same state. I can't risk another out of state job just so one of you can get caught again. I'm sick of that bullshit. But now, I trust you guys can get the job done," he spoke while his fingers interlaced and rested on top of his desk.

I scowled when he called out my arrest. I was better than any damn associate he wished to call in. Why couldn't he ever see how hard I worked my ass off? I hated him with every fiber of my being. "We can do it," I assured him curtly.

John chuckled while rubbing his scruffy chin in thought. "Not you, boy. You really think I trust you to get shit done? My team is leaving in the morning. I expect you to stay here and train. We'll be back in a week," he said.

I flinched at his words. "Yes, sir," I said lowly as I bowed my head towards him. He expected me to grovel. And I was going to oblige. There was no telling what he was going to do to me once I came back but he hadn't killed me yet so I'll take that for what it was.

I stood in place while glancing at all the tough, uncomfortable faces in the room. It made me sick to know that my father had all these people at his disposal. He didn't deserve any of this. I did.

"You're dismissed," John interrupted my thoughts rudely with a flick of his wrist.

I offered a tight smile then turned around and walked out. I had made it halfway back to the elevator before Sam's voice filled the quiet. "Dean!" he called out as his heavy footsteps echoed around us.

I stopped in my tracks and looked over my shoulder. "Come to brag about how your dads' new favorite now?" I asked bitterly. His face twisted into guilt at my words. He was always the one to show his emotions better than me. For that, I envied him.

"You know it's not like that. He just needs someone that he knows isn't going to betray him. I think he's becoming pretty paranoid since your arrest," Sam replied as his puppy dog eyes bore into me.

"Yeah well you're not so perfect yourself. Cas almost caught onto you and he didn't even know you!" I raised my voice in frustration. It wasn't his fault really. Cas was too smart for his own good. But yet he was so innocent. I had to admit to myself that I found a sort of sick pleasure in being the one to taint his innocence. Now, if I could only get him to kill someone that would be the icing on the cake.

"It doesn't matter, Dean! Now is not the time to dwell. We're living in a time of high tensions. Something's happening in Sioux Falls. That's where we're going. To do intel," he explained while he ran a frantic hand through his hair.

"What's happening in Sioux Falls?" I questioned as I crossed my arms across my chest.

"Dick Roman. He's been laundering money. Dad thinks up to twenty-five million," he replied with all business.

"Who gives a shit? We do the exact same thing. Winchester Corp isn't just sitting around and selling beer," I growled. I didn't understand my father's train of thought or business decisions and it pissed me off.

"He's our competition and he's on to us. He thinks Dick knows we're his kids. We have arrest records. For horrible things, Dean. Unspeakable things. If that gets out, the 'beer' business is over which means we are as well," Sam said as he desperately tried to get me to understand.

"So, stop him before he stops us," I concluded for him.

Sam nodded. "Exactly," he confirmed. He looked almost fearful for the first time in a while. I wouldn't confess that it made me nervous as well to see him this way.

"Well, good luck with that," I replied sarcastically as I slapped him on the shoulder then turned to walk away.

"Cas doesn't deserve this life," Sam said loudly as I neared the elevator.

I chuckled to myself while I shook my head. Damn if I didn't know that. Anyone with eyes could see that. "No, he doesn't. But I do. And I deserve Cas," I replied in a lower voice than Sam's.

"You can't always get what you want. That's the best of both worlds," he said in his usual nagging tone.

I threw my head back and let out a bellowing laugh. The elevator opened and I stepped in. I adjusted the collar of my shirt and smiled. "I'm Dean Winchester. I always get what I want."

XXX

I found myself sitting on the hard floor of the roof. My special area was a small, flat section with an iron gate around it. I could remember coming up here for hours on end just to stare at the clouds when I was a kid. It was the only kind of escape I could experience from this life.

I brought the bottle of beer up to meet my lips and nearly moaned when the amber liquid slid down my throat. Sure, it was a successful business but it wasn't real. We weren't doing the right things with it. Sam and I were merely being used as weapons ever since we could walk.

"Dean?" I heard the familiar tone of Cas' voice float through the night air.

I looked over my shoulder to see Cas standing awkwardly in front of the attics open door. I waved him over with a gentle smile and nearly burst out into a grin when he sat down next to me.

"I want to tell you a story, angel."


	20. Chapter 20

**Just a game**

I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them in a comforting manner. I was thankful for the clothes that were left in the dresser in my so called 'room'. I was currently wearing an oversized red and black flannel shirt that I assumed must've been Deans based on the very faint smell of it.

Dean took another sip of his beer then offered me some with a tilt of the bottle. I shook my head with rejection while patiently waiting for him to explain his damn self. All these months of head games were really starting to break me. I didn't know how much longer I would be able to stand it without shattering completely.

"My mother's dead," he said after a few eerily silent minutes. He gazed out at the night sky in front of him instead of looking at me. I took that as him wanting someone to listen to him instead of talk back. I nodded even though I knew he couldn't see me.

"John says she died on a mission gone wrong. She had Sam not too long before that. There was no way she was ready to do something so risky so soon," he continued on. He shook his head to himself and let out a long, drawn out sigh.

"I'm the only one who believes he killed her. Maybe she was becoming a burden? Maybe she decided my brother and I weren't just pawns. That we were people too, you know?" He asked without really expecting an answer from me.

I tightened the hold on my knees and gazed up at the night sky with him. It really was quite beautiful and you could see constellations. We must be somewhere urban. I frowned to myself as I took a mental note.

"Anyways, she died. He thrived. He raised us on death and carnage. Instead of learning how to play baseball, we were learning how to shoot with deadly precision. I can't entirely blame it on my childhood, though. I'm sure there are lots of killers who had great ones that still turned out like me. Maybe, I was destined to be sick and demented," I could hear the frown in his voice.

This is what I had been begging for since I laid eyes on him. For him to open up to me and explain to me what his life was like. Then, maybe I could get down to fixing him. But now, how was I supposed to tell him what his problem was whenever I couldn't even trust myself enough to make any sound judgements. Everything was so fucked.

"Robbery, murder, destruction of property, resisting arrest, evading arrest, assault," he listed in a bored monotone. "Those were just some of the things on my file, wasn't it?" He questioned me.

His eyes drifted over to me as I lifted my head at his question. I nodded slowly then down casted my eyes. Dean tsked then let out a low laugh. "You knew all of that but still didn't resist me," he pondered out loud. "Why?"

"I did resist you a few times," I commented without thinking twice. Dean laughed again but didn't deny it.

"I'm hard to resist," he said instead of giving me any closure on why he did what he did. He had a way of avoiding questions.

We basked in the silence that the dead of night brought us. I caught Dean gazing at me for longer than I was used to. A small smile played at his lips before he shook his head in thought then returned his attention back to the stars.

"What?" I asked with a suspicious glare his way after my curiosity got the best of me.

He looked back at me and his eyes softened noticeably. "Nothing. It's stupid," he replied as a blush creeped up his neck. His hand rubbed the back of his neck as if he was trying to rid himself of his feelings.

"Tell me," I coaxed him with a small smile of my own. I had to admit I enjoyed watching him squirm under my gaze. He was so...bashful. There was no other word to explain the embarrassed looks he was shooting my way. It was, dare I say, cute.

He ran his hands over his face in embarrassment but I still caught the smile glued to his usually stoic face. "It's just," he paused and gazed at me, "I like you in my clothes."

I looked down at my arms bundled in the soft cloth and nearly smiled. "It was the only thing available," I replied with a shrug even as the heat made its way to my cheeks. I silently thanked the universe that it was dark therefor he could not see my reaction.

Sometimes, I could still feel his lips on mine as the very few memories we shared together lingered in my mind. They've been brief but intense so far but I wasn't ready to let him know just how much my body yearned for his touch. I felt disgusted with myself for feeling this way after everything he's done. Maybe I just should've killed him when I had the chance.

"I have more," he paused once more then added, "in my room, of course." It was a suggestive tone he used that caused a shiver to race down my spine.

"Then show me," I replied, bravely, shocking myself. Where did that come from? Did I really want this man? Was I really envisioning what his room looked like and how his large hands would feel on my bare skin? I realized that yes, I was.

A small gasp escaped his lips at my brazen statement. He stared dumbfounded at me and I felt myself shake nervously under his gaze. Would he take me now? His eyes darkened for a moment as if he had that same thought before he shook his head as he chuckled.

"So impatient," he said as his hand reached out to graze my bottom lip. The sound of a door slamming caused his hand to pull back suddenly. I frowned when I already missed the tingling sensation his touch brought my lip.

Dean stood up and brushed himself off then looked over the small iron gate to see what was going on down below. He scoffed quietly and turned his head to look down on me. An irritated glare graced his features.

"Something wrong?" I asked with a tilt of my head. His hand reached out for me to take so I could see what was going on as well.

"They're leaving. Supposed to be taking out one of our main competitors who's been up our ass for years," he replied in disgust with a shake of his head. I peeked over his shoulder at the dozen or so of nameless men, also known as Johns muscle, loading up a pitch-black van with various sized duffle bags.

"Why?" I questioned before I could stop it. I crossed my arms in unease across my chest and looked into his eyes with confusion for the whole situation.

Dean looked away from the men and towards me. His frown deepened when he saw just how upset I really was. "What do you mean why, Angel? I thought I told you I couldn't answer that," he said softly as his hand reached out and pushed away a longer lock of hair that curled up on my forehead.

I shivered at his gentleness but ignored it. "No! You promised you would explain every fucking thing. You promised!" I repeated loudly as my hands shoved into his chest with a good amount of force.

He didn't even move an inch as I continued to push against his hard body. I really had no chance but at least I couldn't say that I didn't try. "You fucking promised!" I repeated once more with desperation in my voice as I went to shove him again.

Dean reached out and grabbed my wrists swiftly before my fingertips could even brush against him. I gasped when he pulled me closer and glared down angrily into my eyes.

"I know! Okay? I know I fucking promised but how am I supposed to explain it to you when I don't understand my damn self?" He hissed with just as much pain in his voice.

My throat constricted and felt tight as I fought desperately to not let the hot tears run down my face. I was tired of crying. Dean closed his eyes for a moment as he tried to recollect his thoughts then eased his grip on my wrists.

"How am I supposed to look you in the eyes and tell you why I took you? Why I'm forcing you to be a part of something so sick that you should be far, far away from? How am I supposed to tell you things I don't fucking understand?" He continued.

My lip trembled as his hands released me completely and he took a step backwards from me. The midnight wind whipped around us but I couldn't find it in me to care about the shivers it brought with it. Because looking at Dean brought a calmness to me that I had never known before. My insides burned while my skin grew goosebumps at his touch. I was just as confused as he was but there was something that I knew for sure.

"I love you, Dean," I said lowly, my eyes looking away from his. The low sound of a sharp inhalation filled the air but I still wasn't ready to look at him just yet. He'd probably be disgusted with my declaration. That wasn't what this was. I was just some game to him. I was a pawn to him like he is to his father. The cycle continues. My eyes stung the more I continued on that train of thought.

"Cas, don't-" he paused, "don't say things you don't mean. It's cruel." His words were so distraught but clear in my ears at the same time. My eyes shot up to his finally and I caught the look of hurt that he carried in his green ones. Did he think I was trying to deceive him?

"I wish I didn't mean it," I spoke honestly. My chest ached and my throat constricted even more, making it hard to breathe. "I wish I didn't fall for the person that played with my head and maybe- maybe this is some type of stockholm syndrome. I don't know but I feel this is real. My head and my heart are two different things but right now they're both telling me that I love you and I can't live without you."

Deans mouth fell open a little before he was immediately in front of me. One hand found its way to my hip as he made small circles in my skin. The other was gently placed on the side of my face.

"This- this is real, okay? No matter what happens tomorrow or next week, just know that this moment right here is so fucking real," he spoke softly as his hot breath hit my face.

I bit my lip and nodded into his hand. He pulled my lip out with his thumb and ran it over my lip. "You don't know what you do to me," he whispered hotly as his lips found my exposed neck. He began expertly kissing softly then sinking his teeth none too harshly into my skin. His tongue soothed over the spots as he stopped at my collarbone.

I sighed with contempt at his kisses. My knees buckled and threatened to give in if this continued on any further. He pulled away from me little by little until we were eye level with one another. "Tell me, Cas," he said, ditching my nickname that he usually only called me.

"Tell me that you want this. No," he stopped and corrected himself, "tell me you need this." He pushed his body up against me and I gasped audibly at the feel of his evident hardness against my lower belly. "Tell me you need me just as bad as I need you," he begged as his lips trembled.

He was so vulnerable and raw. It would be so easy to betray him and get the hell out of here since no one would be around to stop me. The thought ended as soon as it started.

"I need you more than you need me. Please, Dean," I didn't know what I was asking for. All I knew was that I needed him. In every way I could get him. I knew after this, there was no way of ever going back. This was it.

Dean searched my eyes for any sign of betrayal or deception. When he found none, he crashed his lips into mine, nearly knocking the breath out of my chest.

My hands found their way into his hair that was always so soft. I tried to keep up with his pace but he was devouring me as if this was our last day on Earth and maybe it was. His tongue slid into my mouth and easily took over dominance of mine.

He bit my lower lip softly after a few minutes of heated kissing and pulled away. He rested his forehead on mine and smiled. "Follow me," he said in a way that left no room for arguments.

I smiled back and took the hand he was offering me. Yes, I would follow him. And I would follow him anywhere. Even if that meant to my death.


	21. Chapter 21

**Let it go**

My eyes fluttered open when the light pouring in from the window became too much to ignore. I sighed into the soft, silk pillow meeting my cheek and smiled as the previous night's events came back to me. The way he held sweetly onto me as he entered me all while swearing he would protect me with his life. Even if he hadn't voiced his love for me yet, I could feel it in the way he touched me, caressed me, praised me and whispered my name all night.

I had never felt so fulfilled until that moment. His tenderness brought me to the edge. My knees still shook even as I laid in bed. His hands were so gentle for someone that could squeeze the life out of another or put a bullet in their brain without so much as a blink of his eye.

The troubling part was I wasn't sure when this paradise would end. Nothing ever lasted. Not even happiness. A frown replaced my smile as I tried to figure out when the breaking point would come. When would my smile fade out completely? When would I look cold and callous like Deans father? Or how Dean looked when I first met him.

I shifted uncomfortably at my thoughts causing an arm to pull me closer. My breath hitched as Deans chin was placed on my shoulder. I could feel his warm breath tickle my ear and loose hair. I shuddered inwardly. "Morning, sunshine," he greeted me with his exhaustion clear in his tone.

"Goodmorning," I replied, huskily. I wasn't ready to face him yet. He would be sure to see the doubt written all over my face. And he wouldn't like that.

"Feeling alright?" He asked me with concern. His hand trailed from my side down to my naked bottom. I winced when his finger drifted over my sore hole.

I nodded into the pillow as my cheeks burned at his movements. He caressed me sweetly and kissed my shoulder blade. His touches were like nothing I had ever felt before. They were so drastic from the monstrous ones I had personally witnessed. But he made me feel so...safe.

Why wasn't I completely disgusted with myself for sleeping with him? For sleeping with the enemy? But was he really the enemy? What is it that truly made him a monster? After all, he was just doing the only thing he had ever known his entire life.

"I'm going to teach you how to shoot a gun today," he said so casually. I shuddered at his continuing touches as I frowned.

"I- I already know how," I lied. The truth was that I didn't want to learn. I didn't want any more blood on my hands and I refused to take a life. I knew it was expected of me now that I was in with the Winchesters. But I still was unsure of what my end goal was here now that I was aware of just how deep my feelings ran for Dean.

Could I really sneak out in the middle of the night and leave him behind as well? Or maybe I could convince him to run with me and leave this life of his behind. But that came with the complications that he was the most wanted man in the country. No. None of those options would work.

"You don't or you would've killed me already," he called me out so easily. I hated how he could see through me. I was the psychiatrist. It was supposed to be me that could see through him.

My frown deepened as I turned onto my other side to face him. His bright green eyes illuminated by the light shining into the room nearly took my breath away but I couldn't let that distract me.

"I'm tired of the carnage, Dean. I don't want to kill anyone," I pleaded with him. I couldn't admit to him that I still had nightmares of blood drowning me.

"You don't have to. Just learn. If I'm not there to protect you then you have to know how to protect yourself. I wouldn't be able to live myself if something happened to you because of what I neglected to do," he replied. His eyes were so earnest. He hadn't told me that he loved me but I could tell. I could tell that he truly did even if he wouldn't admit it.

"Fine. I'll do it but the first time you ask me to the shoot someone is the same time that I won't hesitate to shoot you," I replied boldly.

Deans face cracked into a wide, gorgeous smile as his eyes crinkled. It was genuine. "There's the angel I know. Never afraid to call me on my shit." He brushed the free hair off my forehead then sat up. He grabbed his shirt from the end of the bed then slid it on easily.

Dean hopped off the bed and turned to face me. I was still lying in bed, admiring the view that he decided to bless me with. His tight white t shirt clung to every muscle while rising up to expose his tan skin just above his grey sweatpants.

"Your innocence is diminishing," he said after his eyes looked me up and down. His tongue darted out to lick his bottom lip. It was as if that was his goal. To tarnish his idea of innocence. I wouldn't let him have the satisfaction.

"I was never innocent."

XXX

"I'm going to show you again. Pay attention this time," he scolded me for what seemed like the millionth time that afternoon. He perfected his stance once again and held the handgun out in front of his chest. His pointer finger graced the trigger as he aligned his sight to the target.

A few yards away stood a target in the shape of a human body silhouette. He shot three times with incredible precision. One shot in the head and the remaining two in the chest. He turned to me with a cocky smile. "One for the kill and the others just to make sure you got the job done," he explained as he rested his stance then handed the smoking gun over to me.

I looked around the empty field again. His house was about a mile away while it looked like mountains surrounded us. I briefly wondered if anyone would ever find me here. Or if they were even looking.

"Babe," he spoke up, catching my attention. His hand was still trying to get me to the grab the gun.

I crossed my arms over my chest and sighed. "I don't really the see point in this. I mean, you can just explain it to me and I'll be fine. I have great memory," I bargained with him in a feeble attempt.

Dean chuckled but shook his head at my request. "You're not getting out of this. Because if anything happens to you then I swear I will tear the roof off the fucking place. My angel needs to learn self-defense."

I continued to frown but took the gun from him anyway. There was no point in arguing with him anymore. "You know, I could have killed you," I said casually while trying to copy the exact stance he just had a few minutes prior.

"No, you couldn't. Your positioning is all wrong. Even if you would've shot me point blank, I had a high chance of surviving since you had no idea where to aim. I wasn't afraid of you that day but damn did I respect you," he replied.

My eyes widened when he listed off my mistakes. I pushed his words out of my mind and closed one eye to line myself up right. My tongue darted out as I focused. I pulled the trigger once and frowned when the bullet didn't even hit the target. "I can't do it," I sighed in defeat as I looked at him with sad eyes.

Deans mouth twitched but he kept his smile at bay. He then stepped towards me and wrapped his arms around my wait. His hands found my hips and he proceeded to center me correctly. Next, his foot kicked my feet apart to where they should be. I paused and smiled softly at his movements.

His hands glided up my arms and stopped when they reached my hands that were holding the gun. He placed his hands on top of mine then rested his head on my shoulder. I shuddered when I felt his warm breath on the side of my neck.

"Now," he whispered, huskily. "Aim at the head," he instructed.

I nodded slightly then did as I was told even though my heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest. "Pull the trigger," he coaxed me. It was as if the devil himself were in my ear telling me to eat the apple. I shot calmly and nearly jumped in excitement when the bullet ripped through the head of the target.

Dean chuckled lowly. "Good. Now, the chest," he said as his hands left mine to do it on my own. I panicked for a moment but calmed down once I felt his large hand on the small of my back. To comfort me or steady me; I didn't know.

I felt no fear or nervousness rattle me as I shot. The two bullets landed side by side, piercing through the silhouette. I smiled widely and turned to Dean. "I did it!" I nearly yelled.

Dean smiled back and nodded. "You're a natural. Now, just do that fifty more times."

My smile faded from my face then came back quickly when an idea popped into my head. "How about a reward for all your hard efforts today?" I asked casually.

It was Deans turn to stop smiling now. "Um, we really don't have time for that, angel. How about tonight? I promised the old man that I'd train you before he got back," he replied back. His hand rubbed the back of his neck and judging by his flushed skin I could tell he was aroused.

I clicked the gun into safety then sauntered over to him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and gazed up at him. "But if I'm out here training then who's going to suck your dick?" I questioned innocently.

Dean gulped hard before his lips parted. "I- I guess one little break won't hurt," he stuttered cutely.

I smiled sweetly and took his hand in mine. We began walking back towards the house. Deans pace picked up slightly as I looked over at him. The sun was beginning to set showing off his freckles even more. His tan skin looked even brighter in the dimming sunlight. He looked beautiful.

Dean looked back at me and smirked slightly before shaking his head. "And they call me the devil."

XXX

I sat on the roof in Dean and I's spot as I gazed at the night stars. I quite enjoyed coming out here as it helped me be alone with my own thoughts. I was exhausted from the day but I had managed to slip passed a sleeping Dean.

This entire afternoon and evening had been nothing short of perfect. We teased each other, fucked each other and held onto each other as evening turned to dark. I never wanted it to end but I knew that it had to. This life and everything that came along with it, would bring nothing but misery. I wondered when it was all going to come crashing down.

I didn't know what my next move was. I needed to strategize and try to figure out how to get out of here. Obviously, I couldn't stay. Dean wasn't in charge so when his father was done with me then there was no doubt that he would kill me without a second thought.

No matter how many times Dean promised to protect me, I knew that even he would bow to his father. The only question was, what now? I frowned as I wrapped my arms around my knees and pulled them comfortingly into my chest.

"I thought I'd find you up here," his voice drifted into my thoughts. I didn't bother turning to look at him. Still keeping my focus on the stars.

I felt his body pressed against mine and knew that he was sitting the same way I was. "Tell me what's going on in that pretty little head of yours," He coaxed.

My lips turned downward. What wasn't going on in my mind was the better question. "All those people back in Kansas, they always told me you were the devil. That you forced them to do what they did to get sent there," I paused as I tried to find the wording for my question.

I turned my head towards him. "Is there any truth to that?" I asked.

Dean tilted his head in the same mannerism that I was used to doing and gazed questioningly at me. "Truth to what? That I'm Satan himself? That I made those people kill their family? Kill innocent strangers?" He questioned me with irritability.

I frowned at his tone but nodded. "I know it sounds crazy but I need to know," I replied firmly.

"Cas," he started in exasperation, "those people are fucking crazy. There's a reason why they're there and it has nothing to do with me. Of course, they would blame it on me. I mean, I'm fucking Dean Winchester. I've done stuff far worse than they could imagine. Not to mention that it's public record. I'm sure they've heard of me before and decided to spin their own tale," he defended himself while shaking his head.

"So, what?" I asked as the anger rose up in my chest. "So, I'm fucking crazy? Because I saw you. I saw you in my house in Illinois. You told me what to do when I had no one. And you're saying none that is true which makes me fucking crazy."

Deans eyes widened. "What aren't you telling me, Cas?" He asked sincerely.

I closed my eyes and looked away from him. "You did this to me. You wanted me this way! Well, do you love me now? Do you love me now that I'm insane?" I couldn't stop the words from pouring out of my mouth. I had been holding in these feeling for what felt like ages now. It was like a dam had busted.

Deans hand grabbed my chin and forced me to look into his just as angry eyes. "Don't you think I don't know that, Cas?," he asked. I looked away from him but that just caused him to yank my chin rougher. "Huh? Don't you think that eats me up every goddamn day knowing that I fucked you up? You are the one fucking person that doesn't deserve it."

A hot tear slipped down my cheek as he continued. "If I could take it all back, I would. I would love you for you and not who I made you to be. You didn't deserve that. So, I don't deserve you."

I gasped as he threw his arms around me and squeezed me tightly. His back heaved up and down as he let out all his emotions. I looked down, shocked, to see that he was crying heavily into my chest. I wiped away my tear with my hand then wrapped him up in my own arms.

Was this really happening?

Dean Winchester was crying.


	22. Chapter 22

**Haunted**

Guilt. There was no other way to describe it. Dean Winchester was feeling guilty. So much so, that it caused him to breakdown right here in front of me. I could do and say nothing as I rubbed his back comfortingly.

Why the hell was I comforting the man who put me into this situation in the first place? 'Because you love him', my brain annoyingly reminded me. I held him for what felt like hours but really it had been maybe ten minutes.

He lifted his head and stared into my eyes with his overly watered ones. "Please, forgive me, Cas. If I had known what I know now, I would've made you stay the hell away from me," he begged me.

"What do you know now?" I asked, clearly confused.

He looked away from me and wiped his wet eyes with the back of his black long-sleeved shirt. "That I love you," he answered, quietly. He said it in a bashful way that made it seem as if he was ashamed of himself for feeling that emotion.

I opened my mouth to reply but he stopped me with a short but sweet kiss. He pulled away and looked towards the floor again. "I know it's all just so fucked up. Everywhere I go, I bring nothing but chaos. You didn't choose this so if you want to leave then I won't stop you."

My eyes widened at his offer. He was saying I was free to go? I watched as he stood to his feet then pulled me up along with him. "I don't understand.." I trailed off, lost in thought.

"Go, Cas. I should've never mixed you up in this shit. I- I should've let you go that night I got out. Fuck," he paused and ran his hands through his hair in frustration. "I should've never tortured you or isolated you. But before you go- promise me that you will continue to take these."

My heart felt like it stopped when he pulled out my pill bottle from his shirt pocket. "H-How did you get those?" I asked in realization that they were gone.

"They were in your coat pocket. I didn't know that you were that far gone. I can't do this to you anymore. I will make sure no one goes after you. So please, just go," he explained while shoving the bottle into my hand.

My eyes searched his for any clue that this was another trap. Did he really want me to go? Would he really protect me if it came down to it? Well, he did it before so maybe he was speaking honestly. I grabbed onto his arm and tried to pull him towards me but he wouldn't budge.

"So, come with me. You and I, we could start a whole new life together," I pleaded. His eyes grew wide at my suggestion. "I don't have to be Castiel. I can change my name again. You don't have to be Dean. We can be whoever we want to be in this new life. You wouldn't have to worry about your father's scrutiny. We'd have each other and isn't that all we'll ever need?"

Dean ripped his arm out of my grasp and took a few steps back while shaking his head. My heart dropped when I sensed his rejection coming. "You can't save me, Cas! You can't love me! It's too late for me but it's not too late for you," he urged me desperately.

I said nothing as I clutched onto the folds of my light jacket. A world without Dean. Could I really survive that? Did I even want to? "That fantasy plan of yours, is not how the world works. If I go with you, I'm not only putting myself at risk but you as well. And I can't protect you if they come at us with everything they have. Don't be so naïve," he said after a few moments of unspoken thoughts.

"So, that's it then? The great Dean Winchester is giving up, just like that? What happened to the man that made others quiver at the mere mention of his name? Where is the man that never stopped until he got exactly what he wanted? Huh?," I questioned continuously. "Where is he?!" I demanded as I shoved his chest roughly.

He allowed me to push him until I backed him up into the wall. We stared each other down with words unsaid until he grabbed my hands once I calmed down enough. "He fell in love," he answered with a slight hitch in his voice.

My hands slipped away from his as I took a step back. "This is crazy. We're crazy," I concluded with a shake of my head.

Deans lips turned upwards with amusement. Before he could say anything back, his ringtone cut through the thick tension. He shot me a sorry look before digging into his pocket and swiping across the screen to answer it. He said nothing into the phone as he stood there with his back pressed against the wall and the phone up to his ear.

"Are you fucking kidding me right now?" He asked whoever was on the other side with annoyance mixed with irritability. His eyes flashed at me and I could see that darkness clouding into his eyes. The same way he used to look when we first met.

He looked down at his feet just as quick but I didn't miss it. "He's not ready," he urged into his receiver. His free hand clenched into a fist that shook by his side. "I said no, dammit!" His voice raised. "It's not going down like this."

I watched him as his stance stiffened. His demeanor changed once more when someone else presumably took over the call. "Sir," he said with hesitation. There was only one person that could make him act like a puppet. "Yes, I understand. It's just that he's-" he paused and pursed his lips as the other person ranted in his ear. "Understood. We'll be there by sundown tomorrow," he finally said.

He hung up his phone and held it in his hand as he looked out over the roof. I eyed him nervously then took a small step towards him. "Fuck!" He cried out abruptly then threw his phone over the edge in a fit of frustration.

"Dean," I breathed out with concern. I pressed my hands up to my chest in a nervous habit.

He gripped his hair in his hands and groaned loudly. "Cas, I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. There's no time for you to get out of here," he apologized profusely.

"What are you talking about, Dean? Who was that? What's going on?" I couldn't stop the outpouring of questions. It was in my nature to be curious and we all know what happens to those with curiosity.

"Their plan backfired. Dick Roman is onto them. He's onto all of us. If we stay here, we risk the chance of his men storming the place. And if we go, then I risk the chance of losing you," he explained in the best way he knew how.

"Losing me?" I asked as my brow furrowed and my head tilted.

"You're not ready, Cas. They'll kill you if my eyes stray from you for even a fucking second." He shook his head as if in thought.

"Dean," I spoke up as he began to pace back and forth. His head looked up at me as he frowned deeply. "I can do this. Stop worrying about me so much. Just- just tell me what I need to know," I said with as much confidence as I could muster.

Dean stopped pacing and crossed his arms across his chest. "No. You can't. You were going to get away and forget about all this shit I dragged you into," He replied with dead set determination.

I laughed incredulously at his stubbornness. "I was never going to leave without you."

He bit his lip hard from the looks of it before releasing it and sighing heavily. "Fine. Come with me."

XXX

"What is this place, Dean?" I asked as I trailed behind him closely. He had taken me underground to an unsettling area with hardly any working lights. We walked through a hallway where the walls were made of stone. His shoes echoed loudly as he led the way.

"Something dangerous," he answered vaguely. He took a sharp turn without any warning and stopped abruptly. He held his arm out for me to stop as well then waved his hand at me to back up.

I did so while catching a glimpse over his shoulder. Two non-menacing stood on either side of a door. They both wore nothing but black and neither looked happy to see Dean.

"He left you two idiots in charge?" He scoffed and I knew by the small head tilt that he had just rolled his eyes.

"Says the guy that gets arrested every time the captain starts to trust him," the confident looking one answered.

"Yeah! You know when you do that, it really fucks it all up for the rest of us around here," the lanky one jumped in.

"Like I give a fucking shit. Now, move out of my way or I will move you myself," he huffed at them. He took a step forward as the two lackeys did at the same time.

The three of them had a stare off, neither of them wanting to be the first ones to crack. I cleared my dry throat and stepped forward, ignoring Deans arm reaching out to grab me.

"Who the hell are you?" The first one to speak earlier questioned me with a scowl.

I opened my mouth to answer before the awkward looking one spoke for me. "Aaron! That's Dr. Novak. Didn't you hear the captain speaking about the new recruit?"

Aaron's mouth dropped slightly before he recomposed himself. "Ah, Dr. Novak. He's the guy in the captains plans, right?" He asked his equal.

The other man nodded while eyeing me warily. "Yes. That's him alright," he confirmed. His face paled for a moment then returned to its normal color.

"Garth, what the fuck are you guys talking about?" Dean demanded as he completed the distance between the two.

"It's top secret, Dean. You know I couldn't tell you even if I wanted to," he replied while looking away from his eye contact.

"Whatever. Just get out of our fucking way," he shoved both of them by the shoulders then pushed the door open.

I lingered, unsure of whether or not to follow. Aaron scoffed and turned his head towards the now open room. "Fine! But he will be hearing about this," he threatened.

"I'm sorry," I found myself apologizing for some reason then quickly followed Dean into the room.

He shut the door behind me immediately and pulled me further into the room. It appeared to be an office with multiple bookshelves, filing cabinets, along with a very large desk and chair to match.

The desk was messy with random pieces of paper and manila folders scattered across it. He walked passed me quickly and started digging in the filing cabinets, one after the other. I took the time to walk around and inspect more without having to ask him a million questions.

The books were mostly business related until I reached the last bookshelf on the far end of the room. The genre was related to nothing but the art of war. Murder. Betrayal. Deception. I ran my index finger along the spine of one seemingly old book with no title. I carefully pulled it out and flipped the pages with ease.

From what I read, it was a journal. Perhaps the journal of someone plagued with paranoia. They were happy in the beginning. But the further I flipped, the darker it turned. That happiness turned to sorrow which turned to regret.

The regret of someone who wanted to do more. Who felt like they could do more but couldn't because of something. Or someone.

Intrigued, I continued further, my eyes scanning each page with the practiced speed of any doctor. They were paranoid now. Someone was going to make them disappear. I flipped even faster than before, diving deeper and deeper into the madness of some unknown individual.

Darkness. Pain. Emptiness. So much pain. Then, it suddenly stopped. The last two pages were stuck together as if they were glued by some sort of substance. I frowned as my finger examined it closely.

I then licked the tip of my finger and ran it along the old paper until the pages slowly broke free of each other. I gasped softly, horrified at the reveal. Old blood had caused the pages to come together after many years of being there. The writing was more frantic but I couldn't decipher the words.

Then, the words just stopped mid word. Blood had once soaked these ending pages from top to bottom. I closed the journal softly and stared at the front of it. Etched in the bottom corner were the initials M.W. I outlined the two letters with my finger as my heart slowly returned to its normal pace.

"What do you have there?" A voice caused me to nearly jump out of my skin. I quickly placed the book back on its shelf and turned towards the owner of the voice.

Dean eyed me curiously. "Uh, nothing. It's nothing," I replied as inconspicuously as I could.

"Right," he replied, not buying my answer. "We have to go." He grabbed my arm and turned towards the door to leave.

Something was urging to me to grab the journal while his head was turned so I did. I shoved it into my back pocket and shot him an innocent glance when he looked back at me.

I followed him back down the hall then stepped into the elevator after him. I glanced down at the duffle bag in his right hand then at the manila folder in his left one. I squinted to get a better look at the name scribbled messily on it.

Jimmy Smith. My former self.


	23. Chapter 23

**Love lies**

"Where are we going?" I finally asked after a few silent hours.

Dean had been driving fast. Faster than what I was used to in my previous life. I held tightly onto the curve in my door. If this doesn't kill me then I don't know what will.

"Roman's hideout. They fucked up. So now I have to fix this shit like every other time," he replied as his foot hit the gas even harder.

"What does your father want me to do?" I asked. I was still confused on that aspect. Why did he have a folder with my real name on it? I couldn't help but feel as if I was being lead to my inevitable death.

Dean took his right hand off the steering wheel then wrapped my cold hand into his warm one. "You're a pawn. Like Sam and I. I don't know for what exactly but I'll find out," he replied while looking at me every few seconds through the corner of his eye.

"But you and Sam are his children," I was baffled. How could a man treat his own children that way? As weapons of war or like pieces of a chest game. The entire notion made my stomach turn.

"It doesn't fucking matter, Cas. Don't you get it? He won't stop. He'll never stop," he said as worry filled his usual calm voice.

"What are you so worried about? What are you afraid of?" I questioned him as a frown etched my face. His hand in mine did bring me comfort and had me feeling unusually calm about everything. I needed to keep that demeanor if I was going to get through this.

Dean took a sharp turn and growled softly. Whether at my question or at the road, I couldn't be sure. "Him! Okay? He's going to do something," I could see how hard he swallowed down whatever feeling he was attempting to suppress.

"Like what?" I asked even though I already knew the answer.

"He's going to kill you."

XXX

We were in another state by the time I opened my eyes again. Where? He wouldn't tell me even if I were to ask. He had always been a man of mystery but even this was a little too much.

It was evening. The sun that had been blinding all day had started to set as night began to take over. I couldn't shake the feeling in the pit of my stomach that tonight was the night. For what? I couldn't be sure. But it would be tonight.

I laid back in my seat and looked out the window as the city raced by. He had finally begun to drive on main roads a few hours prior. Maybe he was feeling safe. Or maybe bold. There was always a reason for everything he did and I had to stop myself from overthinking his actions.

"Why do you love me, Dean?" I broke the silence that had engulfed us for nearly the entire ride.

"What's not to love?" I knew he was humoring me but I couldn't stop my lips from turning up into a small smile. His voice was rough and dry from not being used.

His head turned to look at me and I quickly frowned so he couldn't see my smile. "Everything," I answered back. I didn't know why I was asking him this. Maybe I just really wanted to feel like someone really did love me before I met my demise.

Maybe that's what it's always been about. Dean was always the one to show me attention and loved me in a raw, passionate way that I had never experienced before.

"Stop," his voice cut through my self depreciating thoughts. I eyed him as his frown matched mine. Except I could see anger clouding his eyes.

"Everything about you is why I love you," he finished with no room for arguments.

I turned my head back to the window while allowing myself to smile again. So, this is what it felt like. To love and be loved. I might as well enjoy it while it lasts. Even if that feeling ended tonight.

XXX

We came to a stop at last. Dean had pulled into the first story of a parking garage and immediately turned his car off. He grabbed the duffle bag out of the backseat then began to change into a plain black t shirt.

I watched as he pulled out two small hand guns and one larger one that he started to put together like he had so many other times before. When he was finished, he reached into the bag once more before handing me my old doctor coat.

I frowned as I read 'Dr. Novak' stitched onto the front pocket. It had felt like a lifetime ago. "Why?" I simply asked.

"You'll see," he replied ominously. He then motioned me to follow him out of the car which I did with no other questions.

"Put it on," he instructed. I did as I was told once again.

Dean looked suspiciously around the empty parking garage then back at me. "Here," he spoke lowly while shoving the handgun into my unsteady hands.

I decided to say nothing as I double checked the safety then tucked the gun securely into the back of my belt under my shirt. Dean did the same but opted to leave the gun he assembled in the car.

"We're at Roman Headquarters. I'm not sure of the situation. It could be hell breaking loose in there or it could be nothing. They could all be dead but we won't know until we go in. Just stay behind me and don't be afraid to use your gun," he informed me as a stern look settled across his face.

I nodded once to show him that I understood. Even though I didn't wish to see anymore death, it couldn't be helped. This was the life I lived now. Ordinary or not.

Dean fixed his shirt so his guns wouldn't be too obvious before turning back to me. His stern features softened up as his hand came to cup my face gently. His thumb traced my bottom lip lightly as he sighed softly.

Dean brought our foreheads together slowly. Our breaths mixed and mingled with one another's. If this was my last moment with him, I wouldn't be disappointed. At least, now I knew what it was like to love and be loved.

"I will protect you always," he whispered so lowly that I wasn't even sure if he was speaking or if I was just imagining it.

"I know," I whispered back. And I did know.

All too soon, our connection was broken as he turned around and began to walk away. I took that as a cue to follow him. I said nothing as we stepped into a humid elevator that would take us to God knows where.

The doors slid open painfully slow as we arrived at our destination. Dean immediately stepped out while pulling me along with him. We were in what appeared to be a lobby of some sort. The floors were white marble and the air surrounding it had a crisp, clean feeling to it.

Dean dug into his pocket as a security guard approached him then held up a badge. "Names Drew Boston. I'm here with Castiel Novak, Mr. Romans personal therapist," he lied easily with a smile.

The man's eyes shifted from Dean over to me as he assessed me. "ID?" he asked me in a bored monotone.

My eyes widened as I patted my chest pockets down. Surely, Dean didn't think this little charade would work, did he? We were over before it could even begin. Whatever it was.

Dean turned to me when I didn't answer the man. "Don't you usually keep your ID in your coat pocket, doctor?" he questioned me with a sly smirk.

My eyes lit up as I realized what he was saying. I immediately shoved my hand into my coat pocket searching for anything he might've planted in it. My hand stopped as I came across my pill bottle. My thumb rubbed the tube. When was the last time I remembered to take them?

I looked at Dean questioningly but he was only giving me looks that screamed at me to get it together. I placed my other hand in my other coat pocket then immediately pulled out what I needed. "Here you are," I spoke as I displayed my identification to him.

The waiting man glanced over it briefly before bringing his eyes to me then back to my ID. "Hm," he hummed in thought.

"Is there a problem?" I asked with a weak smile. Dean and I exchanged looks quickly.

"No. Your name just sounds very familiar," he replied in the same thoughtful tone.

"It's a very common name," Dean interjected. He swiped the troubling ID out of the man's hand then handed it back to me.

"Dicks not going to be pleased when he finds out how long you kept us and him waiting," Dean hissed.

The man's eyes widened with fear when he realized Dean was right. "Of course. My apologies, sir. Thirty first floor. Shall I let him know to expect you?" He offered.

Dean smirked then walked ahead of the man to a new set of elevators. He pushed the button to open the doors then looked back. "Let's make this a surprise." The man nodded once before taking his post in a corner of the lobby.

The doors slid open and for the millionth time since I met him, I had no idea where I was going.


	24. Chapter 24

**Survivor**

Once the doors opened to the top floor, an eerie feeling took over my body. I had half expected a blood bath of some sort. Maybe bodies lying slaughtered in the hallway or chaos erupting but there was none of that. It was calm. Which made it so eerie.

Dean was the first to immediately step out. I followed him but was stopped when his arm shot out and he placed his finger on his lips in a silent way of telling me to shut up and listen. We stood in a long, white hallway with recessed lighting that felt blinding. It reminded me of the white room and I shuddered in remembrance.

It was quiet. So quiet that I could hear my own labored breathing heavily in my ears. Dean walked at a calm pace, occasionally stopping in front of a closed door and gently placing his ear to it before moving on. I tried my best to not let my footsteps echo but it proved difficult in this deep hallway with no signs of life.

Dean suddenly halted in his steps and motioned for me to stop as well. I did as I was told as I always do. It felt as if the quietness was echoing and closing in on us. I could feel something dark coming. My heart rang heavy in my ears.

"Dean?" I barely choked out a whisper as a pair of arms engulfed me from behind. I let out a startled gasp and attempted to turn my head to get a look at my assailant but they held my head firmly in place with their strong arm.

Dean turned around quickly with a scowl implanted on his face. I've seen that face before. And nothing good ever comes after. He untucked his gun from his pants and raised it in a way only a professional could. "Dick," he spat angrily.

The man holding onto me chuckled sinisterly. "Dean Winchester. I never thought I'd see you again," he replied with familiarity. So, this wasn't the first time they had met.

"Let go of him or I ruin these white walls with your brain," Dean threatened, not bothering to make small talk.

Another laugh sounded next to my ear. "Now," he paused as I heard a gun click into place, "why would I do that?" I felt the cool barrel of the handgun on my temple. I could feel my hands begin to tremble and a sheen of sweat coat my forehead.

"Where is Sam?" Dean questioned him with disregard to my situation. Was Dick bluffing? Only Dean would know and at the moment he didn't seem too worried.

Deans eyes shot from Dicks to mine. He smirked lightly at me and I could see a silent question in his eyes. What was he expecting me to do now? I couldn't kill someone. I wouldn't kill someone. No matter the price.

"Him and your father are just fine. No need to worry. I take very good care of my guests no matter how much of a surprise they are," Dick replied. The grip on his gun loosened slightly as he engaged Dean in his queries.

My eyes searched Deans. He offered me a split second of eye contact and he seemed to understand. His smirk grew wider as the gears in his head turned.

"And the others?" he asked with a raise of his eyebrow.

"Dead," Dick answered with no hesitation. The gun loosened even more.

With a slight nod from Dean, I took it as my opportunity to plant my feet firm on the ground. I cut the laugh coming from Dicks lips short as my free arm came up quickly to elbow him in his nose. His left arm immediately shot to his now bleeding nose as his right hand shot off his gun without any idea where it would land.

I scuffled out of his aim then kicked the recently used gun out of his hand when he lowered his arm from the pain. The gun skidded across the crisp marble floors until it stopped in front of a potted plant in front of a window at the end of the corridor.

Dean grabbed my shoulder and pulled me back behind him as he stood tall. I fell to the ground from the force of his protectiveness. Dean held his gun in one hand now as the other held onto his side. I tilted my head to the side in confusion.

"This is over," Dean spoke calmly with no fear. "Courtesy of the Winchesters."

Before he could finish what his father started, two doors at the opposite end of the hall behind Dick shot open as four men dressed in all black stepped out with heavy artillery guns ready in hand. Each of them pointed right at Dean.

"You don't get to decide that," Roman spoke smugly from the floor. His men stepped forward in a menacing like march. Dick held his hand up to stop them as they appeared right behind him. They did so without hesitation.

"Cas," Dean spoke without ever taking his eyes off of the new threat, "Run."

"No, Dean. I- I can't. I promised I'd never leave you," I refused him with a shake of my head as I sat up on my knees.

"God dammit, Cas! Why must you always defy everything I say? Run! Get the hell out of here," he demanded with a hoarseness to his voice.

I stood slowly on unstable legs as I slowly started to back up. "Dean," I whispered softly.

"Now!" he screamed causing an echo throughout the hallway.

I wiped the wetness form my eyes and took off to the end of the corridor where I knew a set of stairs would be in case the elevator was ever to not be working. I threw the heavy door open and slammed it shut as gun fire erupted.

I screamed in frustration but began to run up the stairs to the last floor. I didn't know what I was doing or where I was even going. I just knew I had to get as far away as I could. I was useless to Dean, to his family and to the world.

I threw the final door open and stepped out onto the roof of the skyscraper. The wind whipped furiously all around me.

Why was I so useless? Why couldn't I just do what Dean wanted me to? Why couldn't I bring myself to kill for him? To prove my devotion? Why couldn't I save him just once? I am not strong. It was time. I knew what to do now.

Now, Dean was dead. And I might as well be, too. There is no me without him. I knew that now.

I closed my eyes briefly as I let the wind take me to the edge. My foot brought me up onto the ledge. Ready to let it all go.

"Cas!" a familiar voice screamed above the sounds of the wind.

I stopped my other foot from making me stand fully on the ledge then slowly turned my head towards the voice that made me halt. My eyes widened as they fell on Deans brother along with his father. They were tied up and sitting a few feet apart from one another.

I stepped off the ledge completely, momentarily forgotten for now. I stepped over to them, still confused. "Sam. What are you doing on the roof?" I questioned.

"I would like to ask you the same but I really need you to help us out right now," he answered with disregard to my question.

I nodded once then dropped myself onto my knee while I dug out my pocket knife that Dean had given me. I clicked it open then got to work on cutting the thick rope that was incapacitating the remaining Winchesters.

"Where's Dean?" Sam asked once he was free.

I bit the inside of my cheek harshly until I could taste blood as I started cutting Johns ropes off. How was I supposed to tell him that his only brother was possibly dead? I looked down at my hands as they worked their way through the rope.

"Castiel," John spoke gruffly.

My eyes looked up into his with worry. His eyes were hard and cold. He didn't seem even a little fazed and looked exactly like he knew what I was about to say.

"He's-" I stopped and searched for the words that were falling off my tongue, "he's dead."

John scoffed as Sam let out a gasp. I swallowed down the bile that was rising up my throat harshly. I down casted my eyes, too ashamed to look at either one of them.

"I knew he was weak," John spat out a she rose to his feet and rubbed his wrists that were now red and swollen from the rope.

"What?" I breathed out in question, softly.

"Dad," Sam spoke in an offended tone.

"No, Sam. He was weak. He had one fucking job and he couldn't even get that right. He was always fucking us over with his mistakes. Trust me, it's better this way," John said, firmly.

I stood up immediately as my eyebrows creased. "How can you say that?! He was your son and you're talking about him as if he's an inconvenience to you!" I shouted in anger.

"You're damn right he was. He could never get shit right. But now, without him in the way, we can rebuild grow the hell out of this empire. Now he isn't here to ruin the Winchester name any further."

"Dad!" Sam screamed in frustration.

I opened my mouth to scream, shout or cuss even more before a third voice cut me off. "Sam. He's right."

My eyes watered up once again as my head turned towards the voice, I thought I'd never hear again. "Dean!" Sam and I shouted in unison.

John looked on coldly. "Good job, son. You managed not to get killed like your little friend here thought you did."

"Oh, fuck you," Dean cursed him as he spit out blood onto the concrete ground.

I took a good look at him, not wanting to rush over and throw my arms around him without seeing the damage first. He still held onto his side like he was doing before I left him. I could see blood seeping out and making his hand appear red. He also had a few bruises on his face but nothing else major. How did he escape?

"What the hell did you just say to me?" John demanded as he disregarded Deans injuries and grabbed the front of his shirt to make him look up at him.

"You heard me," Deans eyes unwavered.

They stared each other down for a few intense moments. You could feel the electric tension in the air despite the wind still whipping harshly at us all.

Before it could escalate any further, a heinous laugh cut through the tension like a knife. All of our eyes cast at the final person joining us. John let go of Deans shirt as he stared down his rival.

"Dick Roman."


	25. Chapter 25

**Done for me**

"How convenient for me to have everyone, that I'm going to kill, all in the same place," Roman smirked as he dusted off the front of his suit.

"How are you still alive?" Dean questioned through his teeth as his eyebrows furrowed together in anger.

"I have my ways. You should know that by now," he replied with a wink as he stepped closer to the Winchester trio.

John straightened his stance then retrieved his handgun out of the back of his pants. He lifted it to Roman and narrowed his eyes. "The Winchester corporation will continue to take all business concerning the northwest. I will take this as a loss of competition now that you will no longer be in business," he spoke coolly.

Roman chuckled then bellowed as it grew into a full-grown laugh of amusement. "Is that so, John? You forget who holds all the cards right now," he said, calling the older Winchesters bluff.

John frowned sternly but wasted no time in correcting his aim then firing the gun. The loud gun shot rang over the harsh sounds of the wind. I closed my eyes shut tightly when the sound echoed loudly in my ears.

"Cas!" Dean yelled out to me just before my eyes shot open. I fell to the hard, unforgiving ground as an arm clotheslined my neck with a brunt force. The air escaped from my lungs in an instant and I struggled to breathe. My hands wrapped around my neck before I was being forced to stand once again.

The same arms from earlier tightened their hold against me once again. I felt the cool barrel of a gun against my temple and swallowed harshly. My throat stung as I fought against the hold, but it was to no avail. He was stronger than me.

"Again? You know what happened last time," Dean taunted him with a sly smile as he drew his gun as well.

"He's stronger than he looks. It was a simple miscalculation on my part," Roman explained with humor in his voice even though he was steadily holding a deadly weapon to my head. This time, his slip didn't loosen. "It won't happen again," he said sinisterly as he cocked the gun in place, ready to take my life if need be.

Deans eyes showed that he was nervous as his eyes flickered from Romans to mine. His eyes softened slightly as they landed on mine. I parted my lips and mouthed 'I love you' silently. His lips tightened as he nodded once. I smiled gently and looked away.

Even if I were to die today, it would be worth it as it would be for Dean. I knew when I met him that I was prepared to give my life for him. I would follow him anywhere even if that meant to Hell.

They were at a standstill for a few silent minutes. Each one daring the other to make the first move but neither doing so. The wind continued to whip around viciously adding to the deadly tension in the air.

"Do it," John spoke up when he realized his eldest son wasn't going to do anything.

"Dad! How can you say that?" Dean questioned him without taking his eyes off Roman. His voice exhibited anger and betrayal.

"I can say whatever the hell I want. And right now, I'm saying to just kill the poor bastard. If he can't get away now then he was never any use to me in the first place," John replied as if he was annoyed for having to explain himself.

"Dad," Sam attempted to cut in, but John raised a hand to cut him off. Sam immediately lowered his head in obedience.

Roman laughed at the tense family display before him. "So, this is the great Winchester family? Two of daddy's little bitches" he let out another smug bellow.

"Shut up," Dean hissed as his jaw locked from him grinding his teeth too harshly.

"Hm," Roman replied as if in thought, "And arguing over what? Some useless doctor?" He pressed the barrel of the gun harder into my temple, making me squirm in his tight hold.

"I-I'm not useless," I stated although I silently cursed myself for stuttering and sounding weak.

"Oh? I'll humor you. Why do you say that?" Roman questioned me in all his smugness. I couldn't wait to wipe that look off his face.

"Would a useless person lure you to the edge?" Dean answered for me. His smirk was a proud one. We had that way of silently communicating with one another. It was as if we had come to understand one another in a way that showed we were one. We had each other's backs, and nothing would ever come between us.

"What?!" Roman shouted in my ear as the heel of his foot met the ledge. I squirmed even more to push him back even further until he couldn't move a single inch more.

"Push me off this fucking ledge and I'm taking him with me," he threatened with fear ringing loudly in his once calm voice. His grip tightened to a chokehold on me. If we went down, we went down together.

"And shoot Cas, his weight would pull you over the edge when he falls. Looks like you're the one in the dilemma now," Dean replied, not bothering with Romans threats.

"So, what's it going to be?" John questioned his oldest son.

Dean exchanged a dark look with his father before locking eyes with me. I knew he expected me to figure my way out of this fucked up mess, but no ideas were springing to my mind.

I was sick of being the one who needed saving constantly like when the riot at the jail happened. It was Dean who killed the awry patient when he was trying to kill me. Then, once more when we were escaping, he pushed me back and took the reins. I wanted to be of more help. I needed to be of more help. No more hiding behind Dean.

Before I could make my next move, John stepped in front of Dean as anger seeped into his rigid face. "Fuck it. I knew you were weak," he commented towards his son and raised his gun without a second thought.

The shot rang out over the howl of the wind. But this time, I could feel my legs going out as if in slow motion. A sharp pain struck my hip as all my senses started to leave me. I collapsed in a heap onto the concrete below me.

Deans cry sounded louder than the gunshot as he ran towards me. The body heat that surrounded me from Roman's touch was now gone and I knew that he was dead. But I didn't care. I focused on the handsome face in front of me that held my face in his soft but rough hands.

I couldn't hear what he was saying over the ringing in my ears, but I could see the way his eyes watered up. But he was stronger than that. Dean Winchester didn't cry.

Dean slipped his hoodie off and wrapped it tightly around my wound. Little by little, I could feel the pain lessen as pressure was applied to it. Then, my senses started to come back.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" Dean was shouting over his shoulder, presumably at his father.

"Don't talk to me that way, boy. I just saved this family's ass. Although, I should've aimed for his head. He isn't who he says he is. It will be easier to just get rid of him now."

"Fuck this family!" Dean shouted back instead of answering him.

"Dean" I breathed out as my lower torso screamed in pain when I attempted to sit up.

"Cas" Dean instantly calmed down while he wrapped his arm around my shoulder to help me sit up.

"That's not his name" John spoke up harshly.

Deans eyes shot over to his father who was now tucking his gun away into the back of his pants then slowly walking over towards us.

"Shut up, dad. You don't know what you're talking about," Dean replied through his teeth.

"Dean," I stopped him and looked at him with wide eyes. I wanted the truth to come from me. I wouldn't be able to bare his father telling him instead. I took a deep breath.

"I'm Jimmy."

Dean chuckled as his eyes searched mine. I could see the emotions run through him quickly. First, humor then disbelief as he realized I was not joking. "What are you saying, Cas?"

I could feel myself growing weak from the loss of blood but forced myself to remain conscious. "Oh, don't give me that look," I attempted to humor him. "I know you know that I am Jimmy Smith. Not Castiel Novak."

"I don't know what you're talking about. Are you saying that you lied?" Dean asked slowly, trying to come to grips with this new situation.

I laughed out loud at his question. Oh, the irony of Dean Winchester asking someone else if they had been lying. But I was also left feeling confused. I recalled seeing the manila folder in his hand with my real name on it. What could this mean?

"Yes, I lied," I answered eventually. "But, not to you. More like to myself and the world."

Deans eyebrows came together as a look of confusion engulfed his face. So, he really didn't understand what I was saying. Then, that means that those visions in the white room really were from me just going insane. Dean had nothing to do with my past. Absolutely nothing.

"Dr. Castiel Novak. i.e. Jimmy Smith. Born in Pontiac, Illinois to an Anna Novak. Father unknown. Here, he grew up most of his life in poverty. He had straight A's but never participated in extracurricular activities," John began to read out loud as his feet carried him to where Dean and I were.

"One day, Anna goes missing. But Jimmy doesn't report her. She had no one else in her life so her whereabouts remained uncared for until her house mysteriously burned down one night. This is the night Jimmy Smith also goes missing," he continued.

"Stop," I pleaded with him as I attempted to sit up. The sharp pain that took over my hip forced me back down into Deans arms.

"A few months later, Castiel Novak appears. Strange name but unique all the same. He graduates from college and receives his master's then later his Doctorate. And hey, doesn't he look like the kid that went missing in Illinois? No, it can't possibly be him." John smirks then stops in front of us. He bends his knees to be able to look into my eyes.

"It can't possibly be him because everyone knows that Jimmy Smith killed his own mother then staged his own disappearance. And Castiel Novak and Jimmy Smith are not the same person. Right, 'Cas'"?

I turned my head away from him in shame. I knew I didn't kill my mother, but I had no clue what Dean could be thinking right now, and I was too afraid to face him.

"So, this is why you let him stay? To add another soldier to your fucking army?" Dean asked in disgust.

My eyes flew over to him. He didn't sound disgusted at me but with his own father. My heart skipped erratically at the tension building up.

John smirked again and nodded once in confirmation. "Of course. Because anyone that could kill their own mother can do a hell of a lot worse."

Dean frowned and begun to stand as John did the same. They stood silently, eye to eye for what felt like minutes but was only a few seconds before I attempted to sit up once again.

I ignored the throbbing pain while holding my hand against the hoodie that was putting pressure on my wound. "You would know wouldn't you, John?" I asked as loudly as I could.

"Seeing as you killed their mother, Mary Winchester."


	26. Chapter 26

**Bad guy**

"What? What are you talking about, Cas?" Sam asked as he joined in the conversation. His mouth was downturned, making it set deeper.

I looked towards John. If he wanted to tell everyone else's stories than surely, he could tell his own. He owed it to his kids. Although, it wasn't as if he really cared much.

"Dad? What is he talking about?" Sam turned on his father finally. Sam's eyes were wide like a puppy who had just been told 'no'. But they still held a plethora of emotion behind them. Like, disbelief for example.

"He doesn't know what he's fucking talking about," John replied angrily dismissing any of Sam's concerns.

"Why would he make something like that up!" Dean screamed manically while reaching for his fathers' shirt.

John took a swift step back then ran a hand through his hair. He seemed to be in thought for a split moment before drawing his gun from his back pocket. "You know what, fuck it. I have nothing to lose," he muttered more to himself as he aimed the gun at me once again.

I expected him to finish the job this time. He could kill me if that's what he decided to do. But I silently hoped that Dean would finally learn the truth about what happened to his mother even if it was after I was gone.

"No!" Dean screamed as he grabbed the barrel of the gun and pointed it to his own chest. "If you want to shoot someone, shoot me." He stared intently at his father while John held his stare. Neither one of them wavering.

"Or me." Sam spoke up as he stood next to his brother. Sam was a head taller but side by side they looked like they could take on anyone. Even their very own, John Winchester.

"Stand down, boys. That's an order." John commanded his sons.

Neither one moved an inch. The staring contest continued until John cracked. "I said stand down, goddammit!"

"What happened to mom?" Dean questioned as he pressed his chest more firmly against the barrel.

"I don't have to answer this bullshit. Move out of the way so I can kill this piece of shit and be done with this," he demanded them once again.

"No" Dean repeated himself.

Johns frown deepened, if that was even possible. His lip twitched before he turned to Sam. "Sam?" he questioned him. His façade was slipping as his voice cracked.

"No. We deserve the truth." His youngest son refused to give in as well. It was the beginning of the end when he lost reigns of his boys.

"There's no truth to be told," John continued to lie. His hand was starting to tremble in his hold. Dean could feel every reaction that his body was having. The once professional liar couldn't lie himself out of this.

John slowly lowered his weapon away from his son's chest. No matter how evil or disgusting a person, it would be low even for the eldest Winchester, to kill his own son.

"Here," I spoke up weakly. I pulled the little journal out of my back pocket and tossed to the ground behind Dean and Sam. "Her journal."

Dean turned his head around at the sound of my voice then bent over to retrieve the book. He flipped through the journal while his face showed no sign of emotion.

John watched on nervously as his oldest son read page upon page until he reached the end. "She was manic, son. I didn't want you to find out this way. It would've ruined your perception of her," John lied.

Deans face twisted and contorted as all his emotions rose to the surface. He couldn't hold them back any longer. "Shut the hell up! You-" he paused as his body shook with anger. "You murdered her, you fucking piece of shit."

"Dean?" Sam questioned his brother firmly.

Dean pushed the journal into Sam's chest without losing sight of his father. "Our father, Sam. Murdered our mother. You terrified her for months on end. So, how did you do it?" he asked the monster before him.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I was trying to protect you. The bitch was crazy and offed her own self," John continued.

"Liar!" Dean screamed, the fierce wind carrying his voice throughout the roof. He quickly clamped his hand onto the collar of his fathers shirt and pulled him closer.

"How the fuck did you do it?" he asked softer this time with each word coming out in a huff of anger and rage.

John smiled then laughed manically. His eyes never leaving Deans. "I shot her," he grinned when he was done laughing.

"Dad," Sam breathed out once the truth was out.

Dean used his force to push John down to the ground. "Oh, is that it? You shot her?" he asked incredulously. He was losing his mind.

John continued to smirk with no remorse. "She was no good to me. She gave me you guys. My two little soldiers. After that, she couldn't have anymore kids. So, what other reason did I need the bitch around for?" John began.

Deans hands shot to his head as he tugged at the ends. His fair flopped up and blew in the wind ever so slightly. From the back, he looked terrifying. And I wasn't sure what he was going to do next. No one was.

"She was depressed. Always moping around. She used to have the vision. The vision of taking over the fucking world with me. To give me soldiers and heirs. But when she could only spit out two, it was over. I had to get rid of her. She became a liability."

Dean scoffed as Sam remained silent at his side. "Heirs? A liability? This isn't fucking Game of Thrones. She was someone's mom! She was our mom!" Dean shouted louder.

John stayed on his knees but turned his sights to his youngest. "Sam? What about you? Mad at your dear old dad?" He knew he would always follow him. Sam was compliant and did what needed to be done. The perfect son. If only his older brother could be like that.

"Dean, I'm going to turn my back. I didn't see anything that happened tonight," Sam spoke evenly and void of emotion.

Dean looked his brother up and down before giving him a firm nod of acceptance. Sam walked behind him and innocuously slipped him his gun. Dean tucked it into his belt from behind.

Sam lent over me and began checking my wound. "Does it hurt?" he asked me.

I grit my teeth together. "No, getting shot is actually a really great feeling." My hand was soaked in blood as well as my once white jacket. I couldn't feel myself holding on for much longer. My head was feeling faint. If I was going to die or pass out, I couldn't tell the difference.

Sam went to work on rewrapping the wound as I lifted my head to watch Dean and his fathers standoff again. I rubbed my eyes with my hand as my vision began to get blurry. Was this it?

"This shit is over. All of it. Winchester Corp. and the rest of it. I'm done," Dean spoke surprisingly calmly. His tone showed that his words spoke true. He was done.

"You're not the one who decides that. This is my fucking business and you just need to do as your told and say 'yes, sir' like a good fucking subordinate," John shouted at him.

He was scared. All that anger that was beginning to get to him, the haywire look in his eye, his bargaining. It was classic fear. John Winchester was scared.

Dean frowned then pulled his gun out quickly, placing it on Johns forehead. "An eye for an eye," he grunted as he cocked the gun into place. The echoing of a helicopter in the distance sounded in the air around us.

"You're not going to kill me. You're too weak. Too undetermined. Just like your mother."

The gun clicked as soon as the words left his mouth, but John didn't drop immediately. Instead, he smiled widely as sweat dripped down his face. He bellowed out an empty laugh. "Forget your bullets?" he questioned rhetorically.

Dean clicked the gun a few more times in a haste before John slapped the barrel from his forehead then stood up. He pushed the gun into his son's chest. "Weak."

"And you're just a bad guy," I spoke up as I hid my own handgun behind my back. My legs felt like jello as they shook violently under me. Sam was able to apply enough pressure to make my wound feel numb.

"Well, look at that, Bambi lives," John commented.

"I don't like bad guys," I replied, ignoring his comment. He always reminded me of the piece of shit that my mother was seeing at the time of her death. All my old feelings rose up that I spent my whole life running from. I raised the gun up quick enough for him to not be able to react then pulled the trigger. The gun went off this time.

John dropped to the ground as a puddle formed around him immediately. "Cas!" I could hear someone screaming. The helicopter was closer now. Only about a mile away judging from the spec getting closer and closer. Was it coming for us?

My hearing came back swiftly. "Cas!" the voice continued yelling then I realized someone was grabbing my shoulders. I turned to face the intruder and smiled weakly when I could see it was Dean. The lights around him made his face glow, almost angelic looking. Funny, how he always called me the angel.

"Dean," I breathed. I looked down at the weapon in my hand and dropped it instantly. "Oh, God. What did I do?" I asked out loud. Guilt rose up my throat, making it hard to breathe.

"You did it, Cas" Dean whispered. The helicopter was definitely closer now. The sound was impossible to ignore. I turned to the sound to see what I expected except a ladder was dangling from it.

"What's going on?" I asked, still reeling and confused.

"We're going home," Dean replied. "Well, first you need to see a doctor but then we'll definitely go home."

"Home?" I questioned. What home did I have?

"Hate to interrupt but they're here and I can hear sirens coming. What are your orders?" Sam cut in as he looked to Dean for answers.

"My orders?" It was Deans turn to be confused.

"Well, yeah. You are the oldest. What should we do?" Sam clarified.

Dean looked at me before motioning for Sam to hold onto me. Sam wrapped his arm around my shoulders to keep me steady as Dean walked towards the wall that John and Sam were at when we first arrived on the roof.

He picked up the briefcase by the discarded roof, checked it then whistled. "Let's go," he ordered his brother.

Sam nodded and started to help me towards the ledge. I held out a hand and stopped him. "Wait. Where the hell are we going? Who is this?" I motioned towards the helicopter.

"Friends," Dean answered. "Are you coming or what? Don't make me throw you over my shoulder."

I grimaced at the thought and held my hip. I looked from him to our getaway ride. I always knew that I would follow him anywhere. Even to my death.

Dean smiled at me assuringly but there was something else mixed in there. But what? Greed? Power? He was now head of Winchester Corp. Would I be a liability later as well?

He reached out his hand for me to take. "Do you trust me?" he asked through his smile as a cold chill ran through my spine.

Would trusting him lead me to my eventual death? There was no telling. For him, he was worth dying for and I would get shot a thousand times over. Dean Winchester was worth living (and dying) for.

I took steady hold of his hand in mine and it felt like pieces of a puzzle falling into perfect place.

"Let's go home."


End file.
